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Dear Prudence,
I am a freelance Web developer who was almost bankrupted by the economic collapse. A few years ago a client referred me to a friend who needed some search engine optimization. The friend operates an adult website. Adult websites make a lot of money but have trouble finding honest, competent help. One job turned into another, and working with adult websites has become a thriving business for me. My problem is that nobody knows I do this. My wife thinks that I design websites for local companies. I don’t work with sites that do anything illegal or that produce “desperation porn.” My clients are high-end, soft-core sites. I’m getting to a point where I can’t hide this anymore. I’m going to get a prestigious industry award, which means that an Internet search of my name will reveal the nature of my business. I also have had to hide profits in a secret mutual fund, because I don’t think my wife would believe that I make that much from designing websites for florists. I’ve wanted to walk away for a while, but the money has gotten us a lifestyle that we struggled to have for years. My wife doesn’t have to work anymore, our house is paid off, we have a college fund for the kids. I feel like I’m stuck between disappointing my family by turning off the money pump or having them find out that I work in the adult entertainment industry. I’m need advice.

—Not Quite Walter White

Dear Not Quite,
I did not watch Breaking Bad, so I don’t know if Walter White had your dilemma of receiving an award from the crystal meth manufacturers of America. Your immediate problem is easy to solve. You thank the heads of your industry for their generous recognition, then you inform them that for personal reasons you must decline the award and ask that your name be deleted from the event. Alternatively, you could say to your wife, “Hon, I’m being honored at a big industry award ceremony and I want you to come!” The evening would be revelatory for her, and you two would have plenty to talk about during the car ride home. This was the first I heard of “desperation porn,” the plot of which revolves around the (usually female, often clothed) star’s ultimately unsuccessful struggle to find a place to pee. I don’t understand your scruples about this harmless-sounding genre, and if others want to make beautiful urination movies, let them get showered with money. As for what you do for a living, I don’t see that it’s wrong or something to be ashamed of. You’re helping provide a service for which millions are grateful. The only true red flag in your letter is your hiding your profits from your wife. If you file a joint tax return and you aren’t declaring all your income, that sounds more compromising than your work. Maybe your wife is like Carmella Soprano—she knows but doesn’t want to know. Surely she realizes that the economy has not rebounded so dramatically that you’ve funded your kids’ college educations by showcasing the local florists’ special on clitoria. I think you should own up and tell your wife. Before she insists you quit, let her know that will mean she has to return to her job, and you’ll all be eating spaghetti for dinner for the foreseeable future. The kids only really need to know that dad makes his living as a Web designer (which is true, just as Tony Soprano really was in waste management). Regardless, your letter has just done a great service for struggling freelance Web developers everywhere—expect your competition to heat up.

—Prudie