Q. Women’s Safety: Several years ago I was home from my work at a hospital at 9 p.m. The path away from it was wooded, dark, and a bit eerie. There was a woman up ahead of me and the moment she noticed me I could tell she was panicking. I had no idea what to do. I didn’t speed up, I didn’t stop, I could tell she was just extremely frightened to be followed by at man this late down a dark wooded path. What should I do if I ever get in a similar situation that would make the woman feel most at ease?
A: Comedian John Mulaney has a bit about being in the same situation on a deserted New York street late at night. A woman in front of him heard his footfalls and kept looking back at him, so he thought someone scary must be behind him and started speeding up. He realized there wasn’t, but then she broke into a run. He figured she must have heard the subway coming, so he began running too. He wondered why she started crying over the possibility of missing the subway. Don’t do what he did. Men will never fully understand what it feels like to hear footfall behind you late at night, but there’s not much a man can do that’s reassuring. This isn’t like the office letter where the best idea is just to speed up and pass. You certainly don’t want to call out, “I’m not going to hurt you!” Although it would be annoying for you, the best thing would be to slow your pace so that you stay a significant distance away—the most terrifying sound in those circumstances is of someone gaining on you.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
I'm not the type to panic just because someone is walking behind me. That said, as a woman, I would most appreciate him just keeping his current pace. Him slowing down or speeding up would send up red flags for me.
