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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Prudie - should I destroy 2 families over my political beliefs?
Lawyerlady


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Dear Prudie - should I destroy 2 families over my political beliefs?
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Dear Prudence,
Many years ago I had a brief, passion-filled affair with a co-worker. I had no kids (I now have one), and he had two (now has more). There was no fallout as our spouses (the same then as they are now) never found out. We were utterly enamored with each other, but never considered leaving our families due, in a large part, to our diametrically opposed political outlooks. I am incredibly liberal, he staunchly conservative. Were we to have attempted being together in the real world, the amount of strife caused by our differing views would have made the relationship unsustainable. Still, I do occasionally think back on our affair with intense longing. Eventually, he moved several states away, and I had a baby and got on with my life. I have never had another affair—for me it was about him, but I’m not sure if he ever has. We aren’t in contact, though I think of him fondly. He has transitioned into politics as a career, become even more conservative, and is now running for a powerful position. If he is elected, he will be able to enact what I consider to be very negative changes to women’s rights and the environment. I have proof of the affair that would likely derail his campaign—but maybe not, as he’s a charmer. I am now wondering if it’s my civic duty to come forward. I don’t think I could do this anonymously, but I think my husband and I could weather the storm. I also don’t want to hurt his wife or family. But maybe I should take this hit for the greater good, because there are millions of people who could be negatively affected should he win. What should I do?

 
—Blue About It

Dear Blue,
Please spare us yet another politician making that lipless grimace while standing next to a wife who looks as if she’s been hit with a 2-by-4. You’re right you can’t out him anonymously. While you hope your marriage would weather this, you actually have no idea how your husband would react. You’d be giving him a terrible shock, then opening your private lives to public ridicule. If he shares your political beliefs, he’ll be thinking that you slept with the enemy solely because the guy was so damn good in bed. Let’s say your confession causes your husband to divorce you. Telling your child you blew up your family so that a bad man wouldn’t vote for abortion restrictions or would allow fracking is likely not going to make you a heroic figure. If your ex-lover doesn’t win because of you, that just leaves an opening for another conservative in the next election. If during your affair he had impregnated you and assisted you in getting you an abortion, then he could kiss this election goodbye. But that didn’t happen, so while his views on reproductive rights may be repellent to you, he’s likely not running on an anti-infidelity platform. If it turns out he’s not a compulsive screw-around, he can say that years ago he made a terrible mistake, deeply regrets it, and all he can do is ask forgiveness of his family and the voters. Even you acknowledge there’s a good chance he’d receive it. Voters might even be sympathetic to a politician who got blindsided over a long-ago dalliance by a lover who simply hated his politics. If you want to do something to make yourself feel better, give the biggest check you can afford to his opponent.

—Prudie



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Yikes. Idiot.

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lilyofcourse


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So the only thing keeping a couple of cheaters from destroying their families are their political views?

How extremely noble of them.

It must be hard to have so virtue. Not wanting to put their families through the mess of divorce and all. So what if they have had an affair.



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Lindley


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The only time I think that really hurt anybody was when Gary Hart was caught having a affair. At least for President.

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JPT


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Well, considering that many in politics have had affairs and still get elected and re-elected, I think her better course of action would be to work to get the opponent elected.

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Tinydancer


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I'm not sure her husband would be quite as forgiving as she seems to think. So she'd throw away her family just to make a political point?

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Lindley


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She almost sounds like she may be a little bit bitter that he seems to have gone on with his life and never gave her a single thought after they ended the affair.

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just Czech


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Lindley wrote:

She almost sounds like she may be a little bit bitter that he seems to have gone on with his life and never gave her a single thought after they ended the affair.

That would be normal. Men don't care, in politics or in bed. As long as they get what they want. JMHO.

Yeah, I have no sympathy for her or for him for that matter. They both chose to cheat.

At this point in time (years after the fact), she needs to keep her mouth shut. Oh, wait, she's bitter, so she won't. 

Can you tell that I despise woman like the OP?



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She needs to get a life.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Well, once you've had a conservative, you just can't ever go back, lol.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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I love how she is trying to sound like Miss Nobility. Gag a maggot. Go douche and forget about it. SHeesh.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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And, many YEARS ago. Is it possible that he saw the error of his ways and then really worked to stay with his wife? Just because you have made mistake in life doesn't mean your condone it or that is who you are.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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It's about as important as Mitt Romney taking his dog on vacation or that he picked on a girl in grade school.

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huskerbb


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Several points here:

A. We don't know what that guy has done since then. We don't know that he has had any other affairs, or that he hasn't come clean to his wife, or that he hasn't led an exemplary life since that time. Does that excuse the first affair? No, but at the same time, if his wife has forgiven him, it's really no one else's business--and the LW DOES NOT KNOW whether or not the wife ever found out.

B. The fact that she opposes his political views does NOT make her views "right". It just means she disagrees with him. Her self-righteous blathering about people being "negatively affected" is just that--and ONLY that.

C. The fact that she would consider coming forward BECAUSE and ONLY because she opposes his political views (and she would keep her mouth shut if he shared her views) makes her a despicable person. If it's her "civic duty" as she says to tattle on him--it would make ZERO difference what his political views were.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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She's just a fame seeking attention whore.

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Lawyerlady


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Yes, the mistress thinks she's better because of her political views vs. his. They BOTH did something bad and recovered. Let it go.

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Lawyerlady wrote:

Yes, the mistress thinks she's better because of her political views vs. his. They BOTH did something bad and recovered. Let it go.

 This.  Exactly this.  And she THINKS her husband would understand?  Good luck.



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coldean


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Wow. This woman is a real piece of work.
I guess she's a better person yet she is just as guilty as the man she had an affair with..
Okay...


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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Yeah really. It was YEARS ago lady. Move on. Live and learn. Nobody cares where your **** has been.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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If he was currently having an affair then I would feel differently.

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