TOTALLY GEEKED!

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
totallygeeked -> totallygeeked general -> Dear Prudie: Mom Upset Career is Interrupted by Child
Post Info TOPIC: Dear Prudie: Mom Upset Career is Interrupted by Child
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Dear Prudie: Mom Upset Career is Interrupted by Child
Permalink  
 

Dear Prudence,
I recently found out I am pregnant. Though I am excited about the news and in a good position to have a child (stable relationship with my husband, financially prepared, 29 years old, family support), I feel a loss. It relates to the fact that I always felt that my career was the way in which I would bring more light into this world—what G-d put me on earth to do. The patient population I serve has overwhelming needs, and as I prepare for a maternity leave and a scaling back of duties, I feel guilty for abandoning them. Many don’t have parents who are willing or able to take care of them. I know it’s not fair to my future child to feel that these people’s needs are greater than his or hers, but I can’t help shake the feeling. I feel like the notion I grew up with of a woman being able to do it all was naive. It seems like it was a lie, and that we as women are just biologically disadvantaged when it comes to careers, etc. When I bring this issue up with friends they seem to look at me like I’m a bit of a monster to think that anything should be put ahead of my (future) children. I don’t need any more judgment, just some advice—woman to woman.

—Guilty Mom-to-Be

Dear Guilty,
Right now your baby is a fuzzy image on a sonogram, while your patients are physically here and needy. You see every day what it means for children to lack the kind of devoted parents that everyone deserves. So I’m confident you will be that kind of parent to your own child. As important and meaningful as your work is, you alone cannot fulfill all the wants of your high-risk community. You must be able to step away and have a separate life, or you risk becoming less effective by burning out. You talk about the biological disadvantages of being a female, but I see it differently. You must admit it’s pretty amazing to be able to gestate another human being. (Or, alternately, as Mel Brooks observed, “Wouldn’t you be nauseous if somebody was running around inside of you?”) Another thing about biology is that when they hand you this brand-new little person, you'll be overwhelmed with the kind of feelings you're now dubious about. You will also find that there’s no reason your career can’t continue to be deeply gratifying and even consuming; the time limits imposed by having your own family will make you more focused when you are at work. Some of my most prolific colleagues are women with three children. I don’t get how they do it, but looking at them convinces me, despite the small sample size, that the reason I’m not more productive is that I had an only, instead of triplets. I should also mention that there’s growing evidence that “post-partum depression” is a misnomer and there is a range of pregnancy-related psychological disorders that can begin before the baby is born. If you feel your thoughts are running away with you, tell your obstetrician and seek help. But I think you’re just a deeply caring person who wonders if your own well of love and compassion will be deep enough for everyone in your life. I’m sure you’ll find it’s a renewable resource.

—Prudie



__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
ed11563


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 9186
Date:
Permalink  
 

A hard rule of Life, including those in the Medical professions, is that

everyone is expendable. Everyone can be replaced.

 

 



__________________

The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.

Always misinterpret when you can.
Lawyerlady


On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Status: Offline
Posts: 27192
Date:
Permalink  
 

Many mothers feel ambivalent and fearful when they first find out they are pregnant. She is not the first and certainly won't be the last.

__________________

LawyerLady

 

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you. 
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

It isn't like, Oh, I had a baby and now I can't work for 18 YEARS. Sheesh.

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
lilyofcourse


My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Status: Offline
Posts: 38325
Date:
Permalink  
 

It's a major life change. It takes time to get use to the idea of it.

Questioning what and how it will change things is normal.

I don't know a mom who didn't feel a bit unsure at first.

__________________

A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.

Charley Harper
I know what to do_sometimes


Frozen Sucks!

Status: Offline
Posts: 24384
Date:
Permalink  
 

Lawyerlady wrote:

Many mothers feel ambivalent and fearful when they first find out they are pregnant. She is not the first and certainly won't be the last.

 She is someone who is passionate about her career and how she helps others that have no other means of help.  very admirable. She will come to see that her child is more important.  the advice is spot on.

When I found out I was pregnant with DD I was PO'd   I had a great career and it was soaring, I was living a jet set sort of life.  I knew that would all end, plus I was old for being a mom.  It's all worked out of course but knowing that huge life style change is coming is upsetting.



__________________

Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.

Frozen is the bestest movie ever, NOT!
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

Sorry, I kind of don't get it. It isn't like some big surprise when you get pregnant is it? I mean, yeah if you are having sex it is a possibility is it not? And, life doesn't march to our drum. Life and circumstances happen. Yes, it is scary to venture into the new and unknown at times, but having a baby doesn't end your world.

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
flan327


Itty bitty's Grammy

Status: Offline
Posts: 28124
Date:
Permalink  
 

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Sorry, I kind of don't get it. It isn't like some big surprise when you get pregnant is it? I mean, yeah if you are having sex it is a possibility is it not? And, life doesn't march to our drum. Life and circumstances happen. Yes, it is scary to venture into the new and unknown at times, but having a baby doesn't end your world.

 That was my first thought.

Hopefully the OP will grow up.

flan



__________________

You are my sun, my moon, and all of my stars.
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

If you are one of these people who can't cope when life doesn't follow your exact, prescribed plan, then you are going to spend much of your life being anxious and miserable because you don't get to dictate to the Universe and you will truly MISS the interesting twists and turns your life is meant to take.

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
lilyofcourse


My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Status: Offline
Posts: 38325
Date:
Permalink  
 

I don't think she is saying she cant cope. I don't think she is saying anything a just found out mother to be hasn't thought themselves.

How is this going to change my life?
What am I going to have to do differently?
What if I need to stop working?
How am I going to make this work?

Honest questions.



__________________

A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.

Charley Harper
flan327


Itty bitty's Grammy

Status: Offline
Posts: 28124
Date:
Permalink  
 

lilyofcourse wrote:

I don't think she is saying she cant cope. I don't think she is saying anything a just found out mother to be hasn't thought themselves.

How is this going to change my life?
What am I going to have to do differently?
What if I need to stop working?
How am I going to make this work?

Honest questions.

 It's a little bit more than that, imo.

It relates to the fact that I always felt that my career was the way in which I would bring more light into this world—what G-d put me on earth to do. The patient population I serve has overwhelming needs, and as I prepare for a maternity leave and a scaling back of duties, I feel guilty for abandoning them. Many don’t have parents who are willing or able to take care of them. I know it’s not fair to my future child to feel that these people’s needs are greater than his or hers, but I can’t help shake the feeling.

flan



__________________

You are my sun, my moon, and all of my stars.
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

She's a bit too "martyr" for me.

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
lilyofcourse


My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Status: Offline
Posts: 38325
Date:
Permalink  
 

Meh. I don't think it is anymore than anyone else felt when they first found out they were pregnant and it was beginning to sink in.

She'll get it. And she will find a balance.

__________________

A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.

Charley Harper
flan327


Itty bitty's Grammy

Status: Offline
Posts: 28124
Date:
Permalink  
 

Not every woman does, though.

She is trying to justify why her clients are more important to her.

flan

__________________

You are my sun, my moon, and all of my stars.
NAOW


Vette's SS

Status: Offline
Posts: 5001
Date:
Permalink  
 

flan327 wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:

I don't think she is saying she cant cope. I don't think she is saying anything a just found out mother to be hasn't thought themselves.

How is this going to change my life?
What am I going to have to do differently?
What if I need to stop working?
How am I going to make this work?

Honest questions.

 It's a little bit more than that, imo.

It relates to the fact that I always felt that my career was the way in which I would bring more light into this world—what G-d put me on earth to do. The patient population I serve has overwhelming needs, and as I prepare for a maternity leave and a scaling back of duties, I feel guilty for abandoning them. Many don’t have parents who are willing or able to take care of them. I know it’s not fair to my future child to feel that these people’s needs are greater than his or hers, but I can’t help shake the feeling.

flan

 Why is the O taken out of God?



__________________
flan327


Itty bitty's Grammy

Status: Offline
Posts: 28124
Date:
Permalink  
 

I wondered about that too, NAOW.

flan

__________________

You are my sun, my moon, and all of my stars.
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

She may be Jewish. I know that Jewish people will not write out the word God and that is how they generally write it.

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

You know what? At my Job, I am replaceable. Yeah, I think I do a great job at work. But, in the end, if I drop dead, work goes on, someone will step in and fill my shoes. But, to my kids, they have only ONE mom and I am it. And, I am far, far more important to DH and my children than I am to anyone else or any other thing on the planet.

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
ladyloonatic


Regular

Status: Offline
Posts: 367
Date:
Permalink  
 

I think she's just processing the new information. I thought Prudies advice was spot on, for a change.

__________________
Vette


Owl drink to that!

Status: Offline
Posts: 4799
Date:
Permalink  
 

I don't think she's a monster, I think she worded her question very well and prudie gave good advice.

__________________

Was it a bad day?

Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
totallygeeked -> totallygeeked general -> Dear Prudie: Mom Upset Career is Interrupted by Child


Create your own FREE Forum
Report Abuse 		Powered by ActiveBoard