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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Abby: Party Guest is Put Out When Asked to Clean Up
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Party Guest Is Put Out When Asked to Help Clean Up

Nov 26, 2014 - Section 2 of 4

 
 

DEAR ABBY: In the past few months I have gone to different parties for friends from my church group. I always go to the celebrations eager to meet and chat with people I haven't seen in years.

However, one thing bothers me about these get-togethers. Toward the middle of the event, I often get approached by the host who will ask me to assist with a certain task such as setting up the table, clearing or even doing the dishes. No one else is ever asked to help.

I was raised in a family that emphasized good manners and to always be willing to help a friend. But in these situations I feel uncomfortable because I don't want to refuse my host and I was invited as a "guest."

Isn't it rude for a host to ask a guest to help clean? If so, what would be the appropriate response? -- INFRINGED UPON IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR INFRINGED UPON: Whether it's presumptuous to ask depends upon how close the host is to the guest being asked to lend a hand. Some people would consider it a compliment; however, if you're not close, it is presumptuous. And if you prefer not to be recruited, all you have to say is, "I'd rather not."

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2014/11/26/clandestine-family-affair-needs-complete-confession



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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That's kind of a No Win situation. If she says No, then it makes her look bad.

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ed11563


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Why is she the only one in this church group who is being asked to work? Did the others all bring food? Set up the place before others arrived? Is she the only one who never hosts these affairs?

If not, then it's a question that should be asked.



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flan327


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How big is the group? And I assumed the events were held at the church, but ed raises some valid points.

flan

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She is probably the most approachable person in the group. Tough spot to be in. Perhaps the next time she is asked to help she could grab someone else from the group to help too. That may help to introduce another in the group to be approachable too.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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That is what often happens I think. Someone who is helpful and approachable then is often the Go To person versus asking some of the other more aloof people.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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I think the thing to do would be designate a "clean up" group and have others sign up and rotate turns.

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Whenitrains


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I would, and have declined, when I have been asked/told to help clean up. I tell them "I'm not here to work, I'm here to socialize.) I've done my share of helping and it's time others do the same.

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Lawyerlady


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I think people tend to gravitate to the same person each time to ask to help, but they should really spread it around. It's the old saying - 20% of the people do 80% of the work.

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lilyofcourse


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I have never been to a church function where everyone doesn't pitch in in some way.

Many hands make light work.

Sounds like the LW wants the fun but nothing else.



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I usually offer to help.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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lilyofcourse wrote:

I have never been to a church function where everyone doesn't pitch in in some way.

Many hands make light work.

Sounds like the LW wants the fun but nothing else.

 I don't think that is fair.  I have seen where certain people are called all the time to do all the work.  My mom used to put on all the church dinners.  And, rarely did anyone help.  She loved to do and that was great.  But, it got to a point where she got older and physically could not do it all anymore.  So, then she finally just stopped but she was afraid when she stopped, that the church dinners would stop.  Well, I told her that you really can't help what happens if you quit doing it.  So, she stopped and the dinners of course stopped for several years until someone else finally took up the mantle.



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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But, what would be wrong with a sign up sheet?



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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

But, what would be wrong with a sign up sheet?

 Yeah, the dinner hosts should be putting out a sign up sheet.  The LW should suggest it to the church.  Problem may be solved then.



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This doesn't sound to me, like a church function. I doubt these parties even happen at the church.  It sounds like different folks, are hosting parties at their homes, and inviting friends from their church group. (Am I misreading it?)confuse

When I host a party, I fully intend to take care of all the details.

If someone offers to help, such as, bring the sides to the table, or pour the wine, I'm happy for their help.smile

Would I ask my guests to clean? Or wash dishes?no

Nope. They are my guests. I would never ask.

If, a couple of my best buddies insisted on helping, I would let them pitch in. For about 5 minutes. Then, I would scoot them back to the party.smile

Hosting, is becoming a "lost art". I'm old school. If I invite you, you are MY guest. Enjoy the hospitality!

JMHO.

 

 

 



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lilyofcourse


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I think a lot of how people expect things to be has a lot to do with how they grew up.

See I couldn't go to a gathering of any kind without offering to bring something or without offering to help clean up. It's just the way I was brought up. That is how we are.

I know there are those who think it is rude to do those things.

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I offer to clean up but if I was the only one cleaning at every party I'd get annoyed too. Especially if I was asked to start cleaning I. The middle of the party, like the LW states, and missing out. But I'd probably just stop going.

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