TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Abby: I Want My Family to Contribute

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I really don't like turning everything into charity event. Like if a kid has a birthday party and the parents want "donations to charity or something". If I want to donate to charity, I will. And, maybe I WANT to buy the kid a gift. I think it is pretty presumptuous and annoying. And, their Christmas as a family is a different matter than that woman's family. So, if she wants to send money to that family, then by all means. And, she can ask her family if they would like to as well, but don't tie it an either/or kind of thing.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

I totally agree LGS. LW's heart is in the right place but you don't put other's on the spot to donate to a charity that is near and dear to your own heart. I think she should tell the family what she is planning on doing and perhaps they will volunteer to donate some. but why does it have to be everything they would have spent on gifts? Why not a portion?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

We did a Secret Santa at work. And, one guy was like "oh just make a donation to charity for me". I mean, really? We can't just exchange a couple $5 gifts without someone moralizing about it? Sheesh.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

LW is a bit of a control freak.. evileye

I don't agree with Abby's answer either. Write small checks instead of gifts? Really. That will teach them what exactly?

If YOU want to donate, fine. Don't plan on punishing family members if they don't want to donate themselves.

That would teach me to not go to the family Christmas period.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

If I want to donate to something, I donate to something. I dont' run around asking other people to donate to whatever cause I am interested in. Yes, there are times to solicit donations. This isn't one of those times.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Isn't it rude to presume that her children will be buying her gifts? I thought MM taught us that we should never speak about gifts except to say "my how lovely of you to think of me! Thank you!"

Manners aside, if she has any small grandchildren, they will learn to think of her as the "mean Grandma who cancelled Christmas". Small children expect presents and that's just the way it is. I would have been heartbroken if my Grandma told me "oh, I am giving your presents to another family this year". I would not have understood at all. Maybe that makes me a selfish little kid, but whatever.

If it's just grown children, she has lost her window of opportunity to teach them anything. They are grown now, and she is reaping what she sowed.

voiceofreason · Guru

How many times do people have to be told that YOU DON'T GET TO SPEND OTHER PEOPLES MONEY!!!!!! That just pisses me off. You don't get to tell them how to or get pissy with how they choose to spend at holidays or any other time of year. Geeez.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

voiceofreason wrote:
How many times do people have to be told that YOU DON'T GET TO SPEND OTHER PEOPLES MONEY!!!!!! That just pisses me off. You don't get to tell them how to or get pissy with how they choose to spend at holidays or any other time of year. Geeez.

I am SO gonna tell YOU how to spend your money!!!!!

Spoiler: BUY ME THINGS

flan

voiceofreason · Guru

flan327 wrote:
voiceofreason wrote:
How many times do people have to be told that YOU DON'T GET TO SPEND OTHER PEOPLES MONEY!!!!!! That just pisses me off. You don't get to tell them how to or get pissy with how they choose to spend at holidays or any other time of year. Geeez.
I am SO gonna tell YOU how to spend your money!!!!!
Spoiler
BUY ME THINGS
flan

smile funny!

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

voiceofreason wrote:
flan327 wrote:
voiceofreason wrote:
How many times do people have to be told that YOU DON'T GET TO SPEND OTHER PEOPLES MONEY!!!!!! That just pisses me off. You don't get to tell them how to or get pissy with how they choose to spend at holidays or any other time of year. Geeez.
I am SO gonna tell YOU how to spend your money!!!!!
Spoiler
BUY ME THINGS
flan
funny!

Oh, you think I was KIDDING?!

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

voiceofreason wrote:
How many times do people have to be told that YOU DON'T GET TO SPEND OTHER PEOPLES MONEY!!!!!! That just pisses me off. You don't get to tell them how to or get pissy with how they choose to spend at holidays or any other time of year. Geeez.

Preach it Sista!

huskerbb · Guru

I don't see what one has to do with the other. If they aren't hurting financially, then it should be no problem to give this family $500 or whatever--and also do your normal gift exchange.

I think gift exchanges among families are about more than "spending and gifts". It seemed that as soon as my mom's family--and, really, my dad's to a lesser extent--stopped exchanging gifts, it was easier to stop getting everyone together for the holiday.

Plus, gifts are fun. We exchange gifts with another family, and we have a lot of fun putting some, sort of, "gag" gifts in the stockings and see what everyone gets.

I know that gift giving can get out of hand, sometimes, but simply foregoing your own gift-giving traditions won't all of a sudden make you a better person.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Back when I was working and could afford it, I "adopted" a little girl. I worked with her mom and I knew how she was struggling so I bought the girl some gifts and gave them to the mom. It wasn't much. But she was happy and the little girl got a few Christmas gifts.

I have been on the receiving end of the generosity of a Christmas angel. It made a huge difference in everything about Christmas. And me.

The LW, if she wants to do this, should just do it. It doesn't require much. And it will probably change someone's world.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
We did a Secret Santa at work. And, one guy was like "oh just make a donation to charity for me". I mean, really? We can't just exchange a couple $5 gifts without someone moralizing about it? Sheesh.

Yes, on redditgifts, my exchange person did this to me. Luckily, she picked my favorite charity, so I just did it.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yes, but wasn't it kind of annoying and sanctimonious?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Yes, but wasn't it kind of annoying and sanctimonious?

A little. But in her like/dislikes section she apologized right off the bat and said she didn't need anything - she only signed up to GIVE a gift. OK.

But, I did buy her something. She likes St. Jude's children's hospital - so I made a donation and then I bought her an ornament from Pottery Barn where the proceeds also go to St. Jude. So, she'll get something to open, St. Jude gets a donation, and I get a tax deduction.

I guess that's ok since I have plenty of other people to buy for.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

If someone ASKS you to make a donation instead of getting them a gift I don't see how that is sanctimonious.

Making a donation instead of giving you a gift is.

I would rather someone make a $5 donation to a charity than give me a plastic piece of something I am never going to do anything with.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

You just made my point! LOL!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Geez Lilly you are a real fountain of joy lately.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I really don't know what point you are ever trying to make.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

You know, the thing is, I have the charities I give to, I donate all year long to the Epilepsy foundation, meals on wheels, Habitat for humanity, many others. I have learned that I do not need to donate toward a friend's charity passion of the year. I do enough and then some. I have DD doing charity work too. And she has earned her xmas presents and a nice spoiled day, as have I.

huskerbb · Guru

My goddaughter (who is now like 19 or so) started doing that for our present last year. Honestly, I'd rather she skip it. It's not like donating to a charity I really know nothing about is "heartfelt" on my part--even if I don't have a problem, exactly, with the charity.

I'm old enough that sure, I don't need a young person to buy something for me--but a homemade batch of cinnamon rolls or something would be nice.

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

I am at the point in my life that I still need things. Like, dish towels. And FORKS. Where do all the forks go??? And real plates instead of plastic ones.

But, it has never occurred to me to be offended if someone didn't want gifts, but instead wanted a charitable donation.
What is the point of giving a gift? This is directed more at LL and Gaga than anyone else I guess. If you KNOW someone doesn't want a physical gift, why give them one? Why not donate to a cause in their name? If you give a physical gift when you know a person doesn't want it, isn't that a odd sort of selfish?
Sorry, pet peeve. When people tell me they don't want gifts, but they have a favorite charity, I donate to the charity, and send them a nice card telling them about it. Everyone wins, no big deal.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Well what is the point of a gift if someone is just directly telling you what to do? Why bother? If I have to tellDH , oh go to bon ton and buy me this particular thing in x size then I just go buy it myself.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

So tying the hand of the gift giver does what? Buy me xyz at this store , at this price and in this color.

-- Edited by Lady Gaga Snerd on Saturday 13th of December 2014 09:41:11 PM

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
I am at the point in my life that I still need things. Like, dish towels. And FORKS. Where do all the forks go??? And real plates instead of plastic ones.

But, it has never occurred to me to be offended if someone didn't want gifts, but instead wanted a charitable donation.
What is the point of giving a gift? This is directed more at LL and Gaga than anyone else I guess. If you KNOW someone doesn't want a physical gift, why give them one? Why not donate to a cause in their name? If you give a physical gift when you know a person doesn't want it, isn't that a odd sort of selfish?
Sorry, pet peeve. When people tell me they don't want gifts, but they have a favorite charity, I donate to the charity, and send them a nice card telling them about it. Everyone wins, no big deal.

Well, for me, when I sign up for a Secret Santa, I'm kind of looking forward to finding stuff for that person and surprising them. I mean, SHE signed up b/c she's likes buying gifts for others, but then robs the person that gets her of the same experience?

If anyone of my friends or loved ones told me they preferred a charity, I'd be all over that.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Its a two way street. It isn't about the receiver only getting exactly what they want per their specifications. It is meant to be an interaction not a transaction.

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Well what is the point of a gift if someone is just directly telling you what to do? Why bother? If I have to tellDH , oh go to bon ton and buy me this particular thing in x size then I just go buy it myself.

So?

My mother has picked out slippers she wants before. And a coat. Size, color, everything.

It was something she wanted, and was thrilled to get as a gift.

I have picked out fun socks before. Size and color. I was still happy to find them wrapped in pretty paper under the tree.

Like I said, tell them about the donation in a heart-felt card.

And, why DO you want to get people gifts? To make them happy, or to make yourself happy?

A lot of people need a reality check about the point of giving.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Because part of the joy of giving is thinking about that person yourself and picking something out based on that perspective. But if u want to decide for me and it is nothing more than running an errand and stopping to pick it up then it seems pretty pointless to me. I remember shopping and taking a lot of time to think about what my grandma might want. And I probably bought her some completely useless trinket. But it had neaning to me because I chose it for her. And ut had meaning to her because it came from my heart. Now it's like , here's ny list , you can get this on Amazon.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I have a problem with asking for a donation to charity because you aren't supposed to presume someone is buying you a gift. Ever. That's rude. And then to double down on it and tell them that by the way, they won't be recieving a gift from you either?

So not only is this woman not buying her kids a gift, but she wants a check from them in advance too.

Merry freaking Christmas

ed11563 · Guru

Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
I am at the point in my life that I still need things. Like, dish towels. And FORKS. Where do all the forks go??? And real plates instead of plastic ones.

Thrift shops generally have collections of forks, spoons and butter knives, for ten cents each. Don't expect anything to match, but if yours are disappearing, you might find them there.

We supplied our kids' dorm / apartment kitchens from a thrift shop when they started college.

I didn't look for dish towels, but they probably have them too.

FNW · Guru

just Czech wrote:
LW is a bit of a control freak..
I don't agree with Abby's answer either. Write small checks instead of gifts? Really. That will teach them what exactly?
If YOU want to donate, fine. Don't plan on punishing family members if they don't want to donate themselves.
That would teach me to not go to the family Christmas period.

Agreed.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

The only time I would have a problem would be if it were a charity that I didn't care for.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
I am at the point in my life that I still need things. Like, dish towels. And FORKS. Where do all the forks go??? And real plates instead of plastic ones.

It's the spoons in my house. I have no idea where they all go.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

My steak knives like to walk away.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Southern_Belle wrote:
My steak knives like to walk away.

Mine did, too! We just had to buy new ones!

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

The mismatched collection I currently posses is from the thrift shop. I need to get more.

Tignanello · My dog name is, Sasha!

I have four each of forks, knives and spoons. I got them out of the Dollar Bin at Wal-Mart. The spoons have blue plastic handles, the forks are green and the knives red. Somehow, it makes me happy.

NAOW · Vette's SS

Lawyerlady wrote:
Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
I am at the point in my life that I still need things. Like, dish towels. And FORKS. Where do all the forks go??? And real plates instead of plastic ones.

It's the spoons in my house. I have no idea where they all go.

I have noticed that I have more spoons in my house. They are from my moms set when we were growing up, but I don't know how they are getting into my silverware drawer.

NAOW · Vette's SS

Mellow Momma wrote:
I have a problem with asking for a donation to charity because you aren't supposed to presume someone is buying you a gift. Ever. That's rude. And then to double down on it and tell them that by the way, they won't be recieving a gift from you either?

So not only is this woman not buying her kids a gift, but she wants a check from them in advance too.

Merry freaking Christmas

WSS

Divine Geek · Guru

Southern_Belle wrote:
The only time I would have a problem would be if it were a charity that I didn't care for.

This.

and I plan my budget to include charitable giving and being able to give to other people. I'd be a little put off that someone was telling me that I'm not charitable enough.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Lawyerlady wrote:
Southern_Belle wrote:
My steak knives like to walk away.
Mine did, too! We just had to buy new ones!

My spoons disappear. Pretty sure DD is at the bottom of that story.