TOTALLY GEEKED!

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
totallygeeked -> totallygeeked general -> Dear Abby: Grandmother Is Cut Off From What Little Contact She Had With Grandchildren
Post Info TOPIC: Dear Abby: Grandmother Is Cut Off From What Little Contact She Had With Grandchildren
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Dear Abby: Grandmother Is Cut Off From What Little Contact She Had With Grandchildren
Permalink  
 

DEAR ABBY: When our son got married 10 years ago, we tried to establish a relationship with his wife. We found her to be strong-willed and controlling, and sadly accepted that she was determined to exclude us from their lives. We realized she didn't want to share him with anyone else. We spent no holidays together, but when I requested to see them once a year on my son's birthday, we would meet halfway for a meal to keep the visit short.

After they had two children, we were allowed to see them on their birthdays. Gifts were always accepted and we were thanked. As the years passed, we were also allowed some phone calls and Skyping. But now, since his father died last year, my son agrees with his wife that no further contact with me is necessary.

I have two questions: First, do I continue to send gifts and cards to them? Second, if the children, now 5 and 7, are no longer allowed to see me, do I change my will? -- HEARTBROKEN GRANDMA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN GRANDMA: What a sad situation. If your grandchildren are not allowed to see you, then you really will no longer have a relationship. Continue trying to maintain contact, however, and perhaps the situation will improve later. You can do with your assets exactly as you please, but don't make any snap decisions now.

 

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2014/12/21/commercialization-puts-santa-atop-womans-naughty

 

 



__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
ed11563


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 9186
Date:
Permalink  
 

One of the women is strong-willed and controlling, but we don't really know which one.

 



__________________

The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.

Always misinterpret when you can.
Mellow Momma


Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Status: Offline
Posts: 7536
Date:
Permalink  
 

ed11563 wrote:

One of the women is strong-willed and controlling, but we don't really know which one.

 

 My thoughts exactly. 

We do not have the whole story here. 

 

The OP sounds like she is trying to paint herself in a really wonderful light and play the victim here. If my kids cut off contact with me - heaven forbid - I would not be writing an advice column asking about my damn will. I would be asking what I could do to get back in their lives. She flat out states that she accepted it when she was cut off the first time. Right there...that's all I need to know. 

You fight for your family. You kiss ass and say all the right things even if you don't mean them - if it means getting to see your children and grandchildren. Once you are a fixture in their lives, you can work on being more authentic bit by bit. 



__________________

Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite ! 
huskerbb


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 10215
Date:
Permalink  
 

Yup. There HAS to be more to this story.

I know several "strong-willed and controlling" women, but they never tried to cut off contact with their husband's families.

It could be that her DIL is a complete nut--but it's more likely that something happened to cause a rift between her and her DIL, or even between her and her son, and they were just maintaining some minimal contact because of the father.

__________________

I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

 

Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
Lawyerlady


On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Status: Offline
Posts: 27192
Date:
Permalink  
 

I agree with what has been said. There's a reason her son sees no issue with cutting her off now that dad is dead.

__________________

LawyerLady

 

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you. 
flan327


Itty bitty's Grammy

Status: Offline
Posts: 28124
Date:
Permalink  
 

It sounds like Grandma played by DIL's rules, though.

flan

__________________

You are my sun, my moon, and all of my stars.
Dona Worry Be Happy


Vette's SS!!

Status: Offline
Posts: 2297
Date:
Permalink  
 

Son agrees that no contact is needed, and mom sees this as acceptable?
There is way more to this story, and she won't write it because she knows she would look bad. She doesn't say there rules are unexplained or unreasonable, and she doesn't say what prompted it.
Sounds like mom needs to work hard and sincerely to get back in their good draces, or accept her lot in life and move on.

__________________
huskerbb


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 10215
Date:
Permalink  
 

flan327 wrote:

It sounds like Grandma played by DIL's rules, though.

flan

Lately, maybe--but it sounds like they were just maintaining contact due to dad, who is now gone, and they see no need to maintain the façade any longer.

 

It's sad--but I've got to believe that she knows what's going on and either just doesn't want to accept it, or is in extreme delusional denial.  



__________________

I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

 

Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
Nobody Just Nobody


Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Status: Offline
Posts: 24026
Date:
Permalink  
 

Coming from a crazy dysfunctional family I always read these and wonder what's going on. Could be something and could be nothing. Some people are just mean and weird.

__________________


“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!”
― Maya Angelou
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

I don't know. Many adults are simply idiots. The more people that want to love your child, the better.

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
flan327


Itty bitty's Grammy

Status: Offline
Posts: 28124
Date:
Permalink  
 

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

I don't know. Many adults are simply idiots. The more people that want to love your child, the better.

 EXACTLY!!!!

flan



__________________

You are my sun, my moon, and all of my stars.
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

Selfish people can't help but be selfish. Even if it means harming their OWN child flan. It sucks but what are you gonna do?

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
flan327


Itty bitty's Grammy

Status: Offline
Posts: 28124
Date:
Permalink  
 

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Selfish people can't help but be selfish. Even if it means harming their OWN child flan. It sucks but what are you gonna do?

 Punch them in the face?

biggrin

flan



__________________

You are my sun, my moon, and all of my stars.
huskerbb


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 10215
Date:
Permalink  
 

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

I don't know. Many adults are simply idiots. The more people that want to love your child, the better.

The members of NAMBLA would love that mantra.

 

 



-- Edited by huskerbb on Sunday 21st of December 2014 06:42:59 PM

__________________

I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

 

Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

WTF???

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
FNW


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 18703
Date:
Permalink  
 

Being the DIL who will no longer subject her children to their step grandmother's abuse, I believe there is more to the story than what is being presented.

__________________

#it's5o'clocksomewhere
huskerbb


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 10215
Date:
Permalink  
 

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

WTF???

You said the more people that love your child, the better.

 

You aren't going to be AT ALL discriminating as to who that might be?  If you aren't, that is foolish.  If you are, then your point is really nonsense.  



__________________

I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

 

Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

You are nonsense .

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

Nambla? You get more idiotic by the day.

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
FNW


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 18703
Date:
Permalink  
 

Just because someone "claims" to love a child, doesn't mean they will love them...properly. Or not abuse them. Or treat them or their parent, with respect.

What message is conveys when a person says nasty things to a child's parent. Or nasty things to the child. Under the guise of "love".

I'm not buying it.

__________________

#it's5o'clocksomewhere
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

Where does it say she abused them?

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
FNW


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 18703
Date:
Permalink  
 

It doesn't. But my sMIL would make the same accusations, that the DIL is keeping the children away with no reason...so I'm skeptical based on my own experience.

__________________

#it's5o'clocksomewhere
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

Yes . There are some bad grandparents. And there are also bad parents so hard to tell.

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
Lawyerlady


On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Status: Offline
Posts: 27192
Date:
Permalink  
 

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Yes . There are some bad grandparents. And there are also bad parents so hard to tell.

 But in this instance her own son feels content to cut her off.  That says something. 

 

 



__________________

LawyerLady

 

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you. 
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

Not necessarily. His wife might be a controlling shrew. We cant tell.

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
Lawyerlady


On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Status: Offline
Posts: 27192
Date:
Permalink  
 

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Not necessarily. His wife might be a controlling shrew. We cant tell.

 "After they had two children, we were allowed to see them on their birthdays. Gifts were always accepted and we were thanked. As the years passed, we were also allowed some phone calls and Skyping. But now, since his father died last year, my son agrees with his wife that no further contact with me is necessary."

 

It sounds like they allowed minimal contact while dad was alive, and then when he died, it was over.  And if he allows his shrewish wife to cut off his mother for no reason - she didn't raise him very well, now did she?



__________________

LawyerLady

 

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you. 
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

You have never seen men like that?

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
Lawyerlady


On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Status: Offline
Posts: 27192
Date:
Permalink  
 

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

You have never seen men like that?

 Yes.  But you are assuming that applies here.  The only thing "shrewish" alleged is that they cut of grandma - nothing else.  So, that gets a big "WHY?".  And my point about raising a pansy man stands.



__________________

LawyerLady

 

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you. 
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

I'd kinda like to hear both sides before pronouncing her guilty. But yeah cut them out of the will if she wants. Her money

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
flan327


Itty bitty's Grammy

Status: Offline
Posts: 28124
Date:
Permalink  
 

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

WTF???

 Nasty and uncalled for.

flan



__________________

You are my sun, my moon, and all of my stars.
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

WTF???

 Nasty and uncalled for.

flan

That's in response to NAMBLA flan.  Not sure how Nambla comes up.  Sheesh. 



__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
flan327


Itty bitty's Grammy

Status: Offline
Posts: 28124
Date:
Permalink  
 

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

WTF???

 Nasty and uncalled for.

flan

That's in response to NAMBLA flan.  Not sure how Nambla comes up.  Sheesh. 

 I was just getting ready to edit my post!

My comment was directed at husker.

flan



__________________

You are my sun, my moon, and all of my stars.
Blankie


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 2672
Date:
Permalink  
 

Of course the LW probably can't see our comments here (although you never know!)

But the comments on the Abby site are interesting.

I always wonder whether LW's actually read the comments on the site where they send a letter.

She's probably squirming now if she's reading them.

I think everybody's got this LW's number, that there is a backstory she is just not telling.



__________________

No matter how educated, talented, rich or cool you believe you are,

how you treat people ultimately tells all.

Integrity is everything.
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

We have her "number" from 2 paragraphs? Wow. Of course obviously she is the Devil Incarnate.  confuse



__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
Blankie


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 2672
Date:
Permalink  
 

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

We have her "number" from 2 paragraphs? Wow. Of course obviously she is the Devil Incarnate.  confuse

Not just on this board. The comments on the Abby board are wondering about the backstory too. And there are a lot more comments there.

The reality is that nobody knows the full story (except the players themselves).

We all just assume and surmise and make theories. That's the game here. Isn't that why you post these, for discussion?

 



__________________

No matter how educated, talented, rich or cool you believe you are,

how you treat people ultimately tells all.

Integrity is everything.
Lawyerlady


On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Status: Offline
Posts: 27192
Date:
Permalink  
 

Blankie wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

We have her "number" from 2 paragraphs? Wow. Of course obviously she is the Devil Incarnate.  confuse

Not just on this board. The comments on the Abby board are wondering about the backstory too. And there are a lot more comments there.

The reality is that nobody knows the full story (except the players themselves).

We all just assume and surmise and make theories. That's the game here. Isn't that why you post these, for discussion?

 

 Really.  Geez - maybe she only wants discussion that agrees with her thoughts.  But, I'm willing to bet, if we all backed Grandma, Gaga would be backing the kids.



__________________

LawyerLady

 

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you. 
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

So I can't give my opinion too or what?

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
Mellow Momma


Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Status: Offline
Posts: 7536
Date:
Permalink  
 

I think it's very telling that Grandma's primary concern is her damn will. Really? THAT is what she wants advice about? Disgusting and very telling IMHO.



__________________

Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite ! 
Lawyerlady


On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Status: Offline
Posts: 27192
Date:
Permalink  
 

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

So I can't give my opinion too or what?

 Sure, but you are the one discounting other's opinions as not being based on enough information.  You can't have it both ways.



__________________

LawyerLady

 

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you. 
Nobody Just Nobody


Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Status: Offline
Posts: 24026
Date:
Permalink  
 

I am not in my parents will. I deigned to marry a man who didn't make millions of dollars a year and buy me a 3.5 million dollar home. People do crazy things for crazy reasons. I won't judge this lady till I hear both sides.

__________________


“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!”
― Maya Angelou
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

So I can't is enoufive my opinion too or what?

 Sure, but you situation? are the one discounting other's opinions as not being based on enough information.  You can't have it both ways.

 So i cant give the opinion that i dont think there enough info to call grandma the Evil meanie in this



__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
Lawyerlady


On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Status: Offline
Posts: 27192
Date:
Permalink  
 

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

So I can't is enoufive my opinion too or what?

 Sure, but you situation? are the one discounting other's opinions as not being based on enough information.  You can't have it both ways.

 So i cant give the opinion that i dont think there enough info to call grandma the Evil meanie in this

 Sure.  But as you many have noticed, most disagree with you.



__________________

LawyerLady

 

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you. 
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

So what? I am used to it, lol.

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
Nobody Just Nobody


Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Status: Offline
Posts: 24026
Date:
Permalink  
 

Well, just got the mail. My mom didn't send DH and I anything but she sent one of our three kids a gift card. Typical.

__________________


“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!”
― Maya Angelou
huskerbb


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 10215
Date:
Permalink  
 

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Nambla? You get more idiotic by the day.

You did NOT discriminate.  You said "the more people that love your children" when that is OBVIOUSLY not true, at all.  You are the one being idiotic.

 

It most certainly depends on WHO.   



__________________

I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

 

Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
huskerbb


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 10215
Date:
Permalink  
 

flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

WTF???

 Nasty and uncalled for.

flan

That's in response to NAMBLA flan.  Not sure how Nambla comes up.  Sheesh. 

 I was just getting ready to edit my post!

My comment was directed at husker.

flan

Interesting since NONE of what you quoted was posted by me.   



__________________

I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

 

Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
totallygeeked -> totallygeeked general -> Dear Abby: Grandmother Is Cut Off From What Little Contact She Had With Grandchildren


Create your own FREE Forum
Report Abuse 		Powered by ActiveBoard