On CNN's Reliable Sources on last Sunday, University of Virginia student Alex Pinkleton, a friend of an alleged crime vicrtim, observed that Sabrina Erdely, the author of the Rolling Stone Magazine story on a gang rape at the Phi Kappa Psi fraternity, behaved like an "advocate" instead of a dispassionate journalist as she interrogated witnesses to the proported sexual assault. Pinkleton stated that Erdely "did have an agenda, and part of that agenda was showing how monstrous fraternities themselves as an institution are, and blaming the administration for a lot of the sexual assaults."
This hatred of "monsterous" mens institutions and their negative depiction in the media is becoming a trend in the 2010s. The ironic thing is that mens groups are vital to create men that make good husbands and fathers. Women have always had "eye-to eye" friends with which to share openly, let off steam and get valuable feedback in addition to their primary relationship with their partner. But many feminists and media critics are begruding men to even have "side to side" friends in activities like fraternal orders, sports teams and service clubs. Author and therapist Marvin Allen warned against this trend of of men becoming isolated from one another and becoming an unhealthy burden on their female partners to provide them with all their relational needs. " Few men have lasting friendships with other men, " Allen noted. "It is common for a man to have only one intimate realtionship, the one with his female partner, and to keep other people at arms length. He has business contacts and acquaintances, but few close, continuing friendships."
Why would this trend of men totally relying on their female parner be deleterious? Can't women replace a man's friends? Sociologist Dr. Robert J. Ackerman describes the irreplaceable importance of strong male relationships in a man's life, observing that "if men ever talk about their problems, it is usually with women. However, we only share with women what we think a man SHOULD share with women. Whether we are aware of it or not, there is an unspoken line about what we talk about with women that few men will cross. We don't talk about men's issues with women. We don't talk about how it feels to be a man. We can talk a little bit about our pain or express some emotions, but it is not the same as sharing with another man."
Men need men in their lives as well as their significant other. These friends represent the man's real self, established over years of good times and bad. These primary relationships are carved out from grade school, high school, military service or college to meet the man's varied tastes and needs ranging from emotional intimacy to competition. In addition to providing an audience with which to safely discuss men's issues, these friends exact a "buffering effect" on the man. They keep him from wide behavioral swings, just as a buffer solution resists drastic alterations in pH. Changes in mannerisms, speech, style and personality are instantly challenged with hoots of derision, sarcasm or a raised eyebrow from knowing chums, who exert a scouring pressure that corrects unreasonable or unsustainable behavior. This buffering effect from male friendships ultimately benefits women and society as a whole because men make much better mates and fathers when they aren't stressed out, prone to outbursts of anger and tense from the burden of pretending to be someone else and living dual lives.
Men need groups of men like social fraternities from which to bond and make friendships that last a lifetime. No woman can meet all her partner's relational needs. Well meaning but misguided educators like University of Virginia President Teresa A. Sullivan should reverse their antifraternity policies for the good of the 43% of the American college campus population.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/repairing-relationships/201412/are-mens-groups-threat-women
