Dear Prudence, I have been married more than 15 years and have two kids. Sometimes Saturday mornings my wife and I like to sleep in late and maybe have a little naked alone time, so we lock the bedroom door and if I’m lucky, I get lucky. Nothing crazy or loud but my wife gets nervous and says the kids will think we are having sex. I understand and don’t want to advertise it, but after 15 years these times are precious and I don’t care at that moment what the kids think. What’s wrong if we lock the door sometimes and have some private time? Sometimes, I might join my wife in our shower and a few times one of the kids has come to the door because of a phone call and will ask, “Is Dad in there with you Mom?” Again, this makes us feel self-conscious, but I also feel it’s normal. My wife and I both came from divorced homes so we don’t have any memories of what our moms and dads did. Are we supposed to live like Mr. and Ms. Cleaver?
—Confused
Dear Confused, A friend once told me that every Saturday morning he and his siblings got unlimited TV cartoons because Saturday morning was when Mom and Dad locked the bedroom door and took a nap. Eventually, he came to understand and be amused by the realization that his parents weren’t really sleepy. What you’re doing is perfectly normal (and I also always got the impression that Ward and June Cleaver enjoyed their own adult time apart from Wally and the, umm, Beaver). It’s actually good for kids to know their parents have sex—in a general, abstract way. Because you grew up with divorced parents, you and your wife both missed the undercurrent in your childhood home that let you know adulthood offered exciting things ahead. So if one of your children comes to the bathroom door while you’re soaping each other up, don’t be embarrassed to shout, “Just take a message, we’re in the shower.” Sure, it might gross out the kids now, but someday they’ll look back—as my friend did about his parents’ nap time—and appreciate that even when you two were done procreating, you weren’t done having sex.
There are "third world" societies where the entire family sleeps in one room. The parents start the next babies while everyone is sleeping --- or not --- in one big bed (or whatever they use as a sleeping place).
The kids generally are also present when their mom gives birth.
We don't generally do that here, although it wasn't unheard of when "hippies" were living on communes while I was in college.
There's nothing innately bad about kids knowing.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
Look. My parents only ever "did that" twice. My brother and I. and never at any other time ever. Cause it's gross. And you cant make me believe any other way. Yuck.
No. There is nothing wrong with parents having adult time.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
People don't stop being sexual beings just because they have offspring. It won't hurt the kids to find out that Mommy and Daddy still knock boots once in a while, as long as they don't personally witness it. And even if they accidentally witness it, as long as it's not some kinky thing with whips and chains, they'll still probably be o.k., eventually.
No. When I was in grad school, several people made money by selling hand made things in a big, open area in front of the college library.
One of my friends was there in law school, his wife made and sold jewelry there, and I met a few of the other vendors. I visited a commune. Did not stay over.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
