TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Abby: Is Nitpicking a Bad Thing?

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

His gf needs to run. Now!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yes. But opposites do tend to attract!

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

The sock thing is nitpicky but the dish thing would really bother me. I will never understand why someone willingly piles dishes in the sink and not rinse them. The dried food makes for a difficult mess to clean off the dishes. If you live alone and do that - fine, but not when you live with others.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yes, there has to be some reasonable compromise about living together. However, if it bothers him that much now early in the relationship, she is only going to revert more to who she really is down the road. So, if he can't live with that, then he should move on. And, seriously, who wants to live with a nitpicking nag either?

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

I'm not a nitpicker as long as things are done my way.

ed11563 · Guru

The only time we use real dishes is when the kids are over, and we're having steak.

I always at LEAST rinse the food residue off the plates, forks and knives as they get into the kitchen, using a wet or soapy paper towel and running water.

Dishes and any pots / pans are usually washed and in the drainer 5 minutes after people are through with them. This does not take long, and I have plenty of time with everyone.

But I do take my socks off while watching TV in the living room.

I agree with Abby, they sound like they will not be happy together for very long. Unless the sex is WONDERFUL, in which case he should STFU and just take care of the dishes and socks. And make the bed himself. And vacuum. And wash the kitchen floor.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

The sex isn't going to be wonderful for very long. He is going to become resentful of her slob ways and she is going to shut down over his constant nitpicking.

ed11563 · Guru

Good thing they're not married and have no children.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Nitpickers are annoying. However, nowadays it seems nobody is allowed to expect anything from anybody. You can't expect anyone to pick up after themselves or you are "nitpicking' either.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

I kick my socks off once I'm in bed. That would send this dude over the edge!

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Southern_Belle wrote:
I kick my socks off once I'm in bed. That would send this dude over the edge!

It's about to send ME over the edge... biggrin

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

To me, nitpicking is saying some little comment about everything to the point of really becoming annoying and even hurtful to the person you are nitpicking.

Now, if this is his the girlfriends house, she can put her socks any where she wants to. She can leave the dishes where ever she wants for ever how long she wants to leave them there.

If this is a home they share, then get up and go wash the dishes if they bother him so much.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Yes, there has to be some reasonable compromise about living together. However, if it bothers him that much now early in the relationship, she is only going to revert more to who she really is down the road. So, if he can't live with that, then he should move on. And, seriously, who wants to live with a nitpicking nag either?

Yes. He's not unreasonable to ask for some compromise on her part--but if he finds himself constantly nagging her about things that, in the long run, aren't really that important, he needs to back off.

I'm betting there are things he does that annoy her--she just doesn't bring them up.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

He probably clips his toenails in the bathroom sink, lol.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Southern_Belle wrote:
He probably clips his toenails in the bathroom sink, lol.

Or the kitchen table. bleh

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Yes, there has to be some reasonable compromise about living together. However, if it bothers him that much now early in the relationship, she is only going to revert more to who she really is down the road. So, if he can't live with that, then he should move on. And, seriously, who wants to live with a nitpicking nag either?
Yes. He's not unreasonable to ask for some compromise on her part--but if he finds himself constantly nagging her about things that, in the long run, aren't really that important, he needs to back off.

I'm betting there are things he does that annoy her--she just doesn't bring them up.

True. But some people are less bothered by other people. She just may accept him the way he is.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Yes, there has to be some reasonable compromise about living together. However, if it bothers him that much now early in the relationship, she is only going to revert more to who she really is down the road. So, if he can't live with that, then he should move on. And, seriously, who wants to live with a nitpicking nag either?
Yes. He's not unreasonable to ask for some compromise on her part--but if he finds himself constantly nagging her about things that, in the long run, aren't really that important, he needs to back off.

I'm betting there are things he does that annoy her--she just doesn't bring them up.
True. But some people are less bothered by other people. She just may accept him the way he is.

But for a relationship to truly "work"--shouldn't she be able to ask him to accept her the way she is?

Again, I AGREE with you that reasonable compromises are in order, and the dishes thing might be one of those, I'm just thinking that when you describe your own behavior as "nitpicking" then you know you are probably over critical about small things.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yes, he should accept her too. And, of course, they should both be considerate of the needs of the other as well. He doesn't really like her the way she is. And, he is going to find more and more wrong with her that he doesn't like over time.

huskerbb · Guru

I guess the rub here is that he is asking her to change--and she doesn't seem to be asking that of him, at least not as much and not that we know.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I would say he isn't as In Love as he thinks he is.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I would say he isn't as In Love as he thinks he is.

Could be--or maybe it's just not a good match no matter how much he might love her.

I do think it is good that he recognizes that he may have a problem being overly critical--the question is whether or not he will actually do anything about it.

Tignanello · My dog name is, Sasha!

Jeepers. They're just socks. I change mine 3 times a day (at least!) and I live alone! If they get kicked off, it's not because they're dirty!

FNW · Guru

There are things my husband does that I find annoying. When doing anything, he forgets one thing. Doesn't matter what it is. He clears the table, he forgets the dirty napkin. He puts things away, he forgets and leaves one thing out.

Rather than complain or harp or even point it out, I'll pick up the slack. I'll put it away. I'll throw the napkin away. I'll wring out his washcloth and hang it to dry. I'll put the butter back in the fridge. It's what team players do. And I consider marriage to be a team.

There are things I do that aren't perfect, too. I know it. I don't need someone reminding me or pointing it out to me. And I'm grateful that Mr. FNW just smiles. Neither of us are perfect.