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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Miss Manners: Thank Yous


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Dear Miss Manners: Thank Yous
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been having a discussion with my sister-in-law, who stated that it is not correct anymore to say thank you, either in writing or verbally, for receiving a gift, and I should not expect it. The gifts in question are given from us via my sister-in-law to her daughter and their family.

I say yes, she says no, and to stop expecting this simple courtesy. Please let me know.

GENTLE READER: When gratitude is no longer required in response to generosity, Miss Manners will be sure to let you know. But you might warn your sister-in-law and her family that this could happen only with the simultaneous death of generosity.

 

http://www.uexpress.com/miss-manners/2014/12/30/not-acknowledging-generosity-may-lead-to



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My boys thanked the relatives (mine and the in-laws) over the phone. I think that's enough. But if they hadn't, they'd be expected to write notes.

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There is some notion that the only "proper" thank you is a hand written note. Well, why? A phone call surely seems much more personal to me. Or, an email or a text or whatever that acknowledges the gift. I don't know why it has to be a hand written note?

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My sister is very generous. She would give my niece, her goddaughter gifts, money. Never acknowledged. So she stopped. My brother called me complaining. Well, I told him. That changed.

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A verbal thank you is enough in my book.

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My sister got zilch.

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My SIL, who is annoying on so many levels, would send gifts, and honestly the gift would be in the mailbox or just arriving and she would call us "did you get the gift yet, blah, blah". I mean, can we have a second to look in our mailbox. If you didn't instantly acknowledge it the second it was received she was somehow offended.

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TrudyML wrote:

My sister got zilch.


 Not cool. 



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Itty bitty's Grammy

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I actually enjoy writing thank you notes.

flan

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flan327 wrote:

I actually enjoy writing thank you notes.

flan


 T-Rex.jpg



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Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

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My family still write thank you notes. I guess we're old fashioned.



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biggrin



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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
flan327 wrote:

I actually enjoy writing thank you notes.

flan


 T-Rex.jpg


This is a very unusual dog.



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ed11563 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
flan327 wrote:

I actually enjoy writing thank you notes.

flan


 T-Rex.jpg


This is a very unusual dog.


Hahahaha! 



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Vette's SS

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We enjoy writing thank you notes too. Dd wrote hers yesterday and put them in the mail. Otherwise I'm ok with a call or even a text/email/fb message. I guess I just like it to be acknowledged.

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My mom went to a wedding recently where the bride sent out a picture of herself with the printed words 'thank you' on it. I don't know.. But I don't think I like that. I might be too picky.

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NAOW wrote:

My mom went to a wedding recently where the bride sent out a picture of herself with the printed words 'thank you' on it. I don't know.. But I don't think I like that. I might be too picky.


You're not too picky.

You have manners!smile

The bride, while it was better than nothing, took the lazy way out.  no



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I think a verbal thank you is perfectly fine UNLESS it's a shower or a wedding or a birthday party. Does that make sense? If it's a big party and you took the time to get a gift and attend, then a written thank you is needed. If you sent me something in the mail, then a verbal thank you or a text/email/etc is ok.

At Christmas, for relatives far away who send a gift, the girls usually text or FB message. This year, they each posted a pic of themselves with the gift in hand on my SIL's wall with a message about how awesome it was, and thank you. We all know she does the shopping and not BIL. She seemed to like that. It showed them with the gift.

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Verbal thank yous are fine most of the time.

There are times when something more is needed.

To say nothing is rude.



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NAOW wrote:

My mom went to a wedding recently where the bride sent out a picture of herself with the printed words 'thank you' on it. I don't know.. But I don't think I like that. I might be too picky.


 I would assume then that a photo of the wedding guest holding a wrapped gift would be acceptable....



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I'm not a fan of written thank you notes. I do say thank you in some form, it's just not likely to be written. When I give a gift, knowing the person enjoyed it is all I care about. What does bother me is when I don't receive any indication that the gift was received. I want to know that the gift didn't get lost in the mail.

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lilyofcourse wrote:

Verbal thank yous are fine most of the time.

There are times when something more is needed.

To say nothing is rude.


In my opinion, verbal thanks are only fine, when the gift giver is in the same room with the gift recipient. Hugs and kisses, and all that good stuff! No note is needed.smile

When family is far away, and they take the time to send a gift, you better believe, they should get a Thank You Note, in return. 

I'm old school, that way.

My 91 year old mother, still sends Wayne and me a thank you note, for Christmas, birthday, Mother's Day presents.

Sitting down and writing a thank you note, is becoming a lost art.

That's sad.

JMHO.cry



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chef wrote:

I'm not a fan of written thank you notes. I do say thank you in some form, it's just not likely to be written. When I give a gift, knowing the person enjoyed it is all I care about. What does bother me is when I don't receive any indication that the gift was received. I want to know that the gift didn't get lost in the mail.


 This is me.  A written thank you is a plus but not necessary in my book.  I do find it ungrateful if someone doesn't acknowledge my gift in any way though.  I would like to hear:  "Thank you!"  or "I love what you got me!"  or anything along those lines.  Knowing you appreciate what I spent time picking out for you is what means the most to me.



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And you can be polite even if it's something you don't want. Say they got you clothing and it's not the right size. You can say, "Oh, I absolutely love it but you must think I'm a super model! I need a bit bigger size. I'd love to know where you got it so I can exchange it for the same thing!" Or if you don't like it then say something like, "Thank you so much! I don't have anything else quite that shade of purple. Wherever did you get it? I'm going to have to go buy some things to go with it!" You can always be polite even if you get something you don't like.

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A lot of gift giving seems to have gone from the thoughtfulness of the gift giver, to now it is imperative to get exactly what that person wants. I mean, I personally don't see the point of giving someone a list with my size, color and what store to purchase it at, etc. What is the point of that? I can just go buy it myself. It has now just become an exercise of fulfilling something on someone else's To Do list.

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Fort Worth Mom wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:

Verbal thank yous are fine most of the time.

There are times when something more is needed.

To say nothing is rude.


In my opinion, verbal thanks are only fine, when the gift giver is in the same room with the gift recipient. Hugs and kisses, and all that good stuff! No note is needed.smile

When family is far away, and they take the time to send a gift, you better believe, they should get a Thank You Note, in return. 

I'm old school, that way.

My 91 year old mother, still sends Wayne and me a thank you note, for Christmas, birthday, Mother's Day presents.

Sitting down and writing a thank you note, is becoming a lost art.

That's sad.

JMHO.cry


 And that is when the "something more" is needed.

Of course I have no problem with a phone call either.

People don't do that so much anymore either.



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lilyofcourse wrote:
Fort Worth Mom wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:

Verbal thank yous are fine most of the time.

There are times when something more is needed.

To say nothing is rude.


In my opinion, verbal thanks are only fine, when the gift giver is in the same room with the gift recipient. Hugs and kisses, and all that good stuff! No note is needed.smile

When family is far away, and they take the time to send a gift, you better believe, they should get a Thank You Note, in return. 

I'm old school, that way.

My 91 year old mother, still sends Wayne and me a thank you note, for Christmas, birthday, Mother's Day presents.

Sitting down and writing a thank you note, is becoming a lost art.

That's sad.

JMHO.cry


 And that is when the "something more" is needed.

Of course I have no problem with a phone call either.

People don't do that so much anymore either.


 That is sad.

 



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When my children were young, they couldn't play with a gift until the thank-you note had been written! They knew this from the get-go, so you can believe they scurried for pen and paper as soon as the gifts were opened!



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Itty bitty's Grammy

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Fort Worth Mom wrote:
NAOW wrote:

My mom went to a wedding recently where the bride sent out a picture of herself with the printed words 'thank you' on it. I don't know.. But I don't think I like that. I might be too picky.


You're not too picky.

You have manners!smile

The bride, while it was better than nothing, took the lazy way out.  no


 Yup, LAZY.

flan



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I think for formal occasions, a written thank-you is necessary--weddings, graduations, etc....

I'm not so sure it's such a big deal for things like birthdays and Christmas. For those, I think a verbal thank you is fine.

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Hmmm. I don't know . . . I'm on the fence, but I love sending thank yous. I did a verbal thank you for my Christmas present the other day from my parents. Usually I only talk to one and the other gets the info, but this time I thanked mom for everything, and then Dad called a few days later to ask if I liked everything and hinted that he needed to be thanked for each and every stocking item.

If I'd just sent an email or a note they would have both had the thank you .. .

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Tignanello wrote:

Hmmm. I don't know . . . I'm on the fence, but I love sending thank yous. I did a verbal thank you for my Christmas present the other day from my parents. Usually I only talk to one and the other gets the info, but this time I thanked mom for everything, and then Dad called a few days later to ask if I liked everything and hinted that he needed to be thanked for each and every stocking item.

If I'd just sent an email or a note they would have both had the thank you .. .


 That's silly.  I can't believe a guy really even cares about that. 



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huskerbb wrote:
Tignanello wrote:

Hmmm. I don't know . . . I'm on the fence, but I love sending thank yous. I did a verbal thank you for my Christmas present the other day from my parents. Usually I only talk to one and the other gets the info, but this time I thanked mom for everything, and then Dad called a few days later to ask if I liked everything and hinted that he needed to be thanked for each and every stocking item.

If I'd just sent an email or a note they would have both had the thank you .. .


 That's silly.  I can't believe a guy really even cares about that. 


 I know, right??  He was like "what about the [insert item]?  Did you like that?"   I'm like, "yes, and I also liked Thing B, C, D & E . . . "  I think the only thing I hadn't mentioned by the end of the conversation was the little packets of Emergen-C that my mom always puts in there.



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