So, do you? Do your kids know who is getting what? Have you rewritten yours based on life events or for whatever reason? I just rewrote mine. It made me incredibly sad actually.
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I'm the Ginger Rogers of spelling...that means I'm smat.
Lesson learned in February: I don't have to keep up, I just have to keep moving!
I have had a will since I was 19. As soon as we had DD, I made a will so my parents would get custody.
When Mom, Dad, DH the kids I started traveling overseas together, I had our wills rewritten. If something happened and we all died together, I wanted our assets to go to my niece and nephew.
Sorry it made you sad VOR. It was important for you to do. I am glad you got it done. Be happy that you are prepared.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
The girls know that they are to share everything 50/50. No one has laid claim to anything of value yet. Lol. I have a few special books and they have already determined who will get which one! They were pretty fair about it. I couldn't argue.
-- Edited by Mellow Momma on Sunday 4th of January 2015 08:23:22 PM
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
I haven't updated mine in about 10 years and several life events have occurred. IN essence though, things remain the same. I have one heir so it is not difficult.
I will get to it soon.
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Minds are like parachutes, they work best when open
I've expressed my wishes to an Attorney, meeting with him this month to draw the papers up. Its a trust, gives DS control over DD's half; She can use anything for college but doesn't collect the rest until she is 25. Keeps her father's greedy hands off the money and her from blowing it at a young age.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
I've expressed my wishes to an Attorney, meeting with him this month to draw the papers up. Its a trust, gives DS control over DD's half; She can use anything for college but doesn't collect the rest until she is 25. Keeps her father's greedy hands off the money and her from blowing it at a young age.
I had similar provisions for DD's in case my parents predeceased us. I gave custody to one person and gave power over the money to another, unrelated person. Money for education and health care was to be dispersed without a problem, all else was at the discretion of the trustee.
We we chose to add health care because that can get really really expensive and I didn't want to burden someone else with paying for my child's health care. And what if they needed extensive care? I didn't want someone to make a decision based on money.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
Oh...and I am sure your lawyer will advise you, but make sure it states "education" and not college. If your DD wants to go to a private specialized high school (a STEM school or something similar) the money could be used to pay for that. Also, if she decided she wants to be a plumber...trade school expenses could be paid. Saying "college" limits it.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
Oh...and I am sure your lawyer will advise you, but make sure it states "education" and not college. If your DD wants to go to a private specialized high school (a STEM school or something similar) the money could be used to pay for that. Also, if she decided she wants to be a plumber...trade school expenses could be paid. Saying "college" limits it.
Oh the provision is for higher education, except for cosmetology, sorry can't support yourself on that. Anyway, DS has full discretion as does my brother.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
I'm not distributing things equally between my daughters. I don't have an equal relationship with them. I believe they know this and wouldn't expect to be treated equally. I think it's fair based on our relationships though.
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I'm the Ginger Rogers of spelling...that means I'm smat.
Lesson learned in February: I don't have to keep up, I just have to keep moving!
Oh...and I am sure your lawyer will advise you, but make sure it states "education" and not college. If your DD wants to go to a private specialized high school (a STEM school or something similar) the money could be used to pay for that. Also, if she decided she wants to be a plumber...trade school expenses could be paid. Saying "college" limits it.
Oh the provision is for higher education, except for cosmetology, sorry can't support yourself on that. Anyway, DS has full discretion as does my brother.
Depends on where you work. The woman who does my hair makes about $75k doing hair. No joke. It's an upscale salon though - it all depends on what kind of a salon you work at.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
Oh...and I am sure your lawyer will advise you, but make sure it states "education" and not college. If your DD wants to go to a private specialized high school (a STEM school or something similar) the money could be used to pay for that. Also, if she decided she wants to be a plumber...trade school expenses could be paid. Saying "college" limits it.
Oh the provision is for higher education, except for cosmetology, sorry can't support yourself on that. Anyway, DS has full discretion as does my brother.
Depends on where you work. The woman who does my hair makes about $75k doing hair. No joke. It's an upscale salon though - it all depends on what kind of a salon you work at.
Yep. My sister makes about $45,000 a year and just bought her second house. All by herself just "doing hair". She actually works in a small shop, nothing upscale really.
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I'm the Ginger Rogers of spelling...that means I'm smat.
Lesson learned in February: I don't have to keep up, I just have to keep moving!
Yep - had mine updated last year! Plus I gave a "letter of instructions" to my designated executrix, including my obituary.
Have you written your obit? That is the kindest thing you can do for those you leave behind. They won't have to figure out what college you went to, or what degree, or what special honors you've earned, or organizations you belong to, or anything else. Mine has 2 versions - one for my local paper (free) and a shorter one for the two other places I've lived (they charge).
Yes. And we have trusts set up. And provisions made for the care of the boys in the event we both go at the same time. It was important to me to make sure his family didn't get their grubby paws on my boys.
I didn't set up a trust. And now my oldest is 19 so no real need too. And, there is no one else in my family the money is bequeathed too, so they can't get that.
We have a very old will, like from 1979. VOR, we too have a situation where we don't have a relationship with one of our sons. For some time, we entertained revising our distribution, either by leaving our one son's split into a trust for his children (bypassing him). After consideration, we came to the realization that
1. It would be a problem for our younger DS, who still has a good relationship with his brother
2. Money doesn't equal love.
3. It would complicate the settlement of the estate by having younger DS as trustee for his nephews and nieces.
DH's family has layers of trusts, and the way they are set up, he has no say in successor distribution. It definitely has complicated things, his mother passed away 10 years ago, and her estate has still not been fully disbursed. On top of it, DH's sister died intestate before her trust was set up (she had developmental disability) She also died without children, so now her shares of the family trusts are either going to her brothers, or to her nephews (depending on the trust)
We have a very old will, like from 1979. VOR, we too have a situation where we don't have a relationship with one of our sons. For some time, we entertained revising our distribution, either by leaving our one son's split into a trust for his children (bypassing him). After consideration, we came to the realization that 1. It would be a problem for our younger DS, who still has a good relationship with his brother 2. Money doesn't equal love. 3. It would complicate the settlement of the estate by having younger DS as trustee for his nephews and nieces.
DH's family has layers of trusts, and the way they are set up, he has no say in successor distribution. It definitely has complicated things, his mother passed away 10 years ago, and her estate has still not been fully disbursed. On top of it, DH's sister died intestate before her trust was set up (she had developmental disability) She also died without children, so now her shares of the family trusts are either going to her brothers, or to her nephews (depending on the trust)
Please make sure your will meets current execution requirements. Self-proving affidavits are much newer than that. This is especially important if the witnesses to your will are, or will likely be, dead when you pass. It can be difficult to "prove" a will with dead witnesses. I'm just saying b/c the last few I've had to probate from the 70s have had this issue.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I don't have a will, but did finally get a medical power of attorney after the nightmare I went through this fall. I don't have kids or anything. I suppose I should do a will, even though I don't have anything of value except my house. And, on Medicaid, they will take the house anyway.
My parents won't make a will because "people will argue about what is in it." I told them they don't tell people whats in it now. It's read when they die and people can get over it. They could leave everything to a tree in the front yard if they wanted to. I've got one and wouldn't tell them whats in it.
My parents won't make a will because "people will argue about what is in it." I told them they don't tell people whats in it now. It's read when they die and people can get over it. They could leave everything to a tree in the front yard if they wanted to. I've got one and wouldn't tell them whats in it.
They need a will. I know exactly what's in my mom's will. My siblings and I were there when it was drafted.
I don't think keeping things a "surprise" is really a very good idea unless someone is truly going to get surprised.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
Also need to get long term care insurance before we hit age 60.
Better to buy it before that age, or I've been told premiums are higher.
My father is using his long term care insurance now, and will probably use every penny of the benefit.
A very, very wise investment that he got it. It's paying for daily home care, and keeping him out of a nursing home, at least for now.
I'm only 45 and my wife 43--and we took out long term care insurance, already.
Even if you don't care about leaving any assets for your heirs, it's still a good idea, in my view. My wife works in a nursing home and many nursing homes are getting to where they will only accept private pay or private insurance residents. They lose money on every Medicaid resident they have.
The state keeps telling her facility to raise rates--but that only works for private pay and private insurance residents. Medicaid rates are capped, so they are relying on the private pay residents to subsidize the ones one Medicaid.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
My parents won't make a will because "people will argue about what is in it." I told them they don't tell people whats in it now. It's read when they die and people can get over it. They could leave everything to a tree in the front yard if they wanted to. I've got one and wouldn't tell them whats in it.
People will argue a whole lot more after they are gone and there is no direction.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
My parents won't make a will because "people will argue about what is in it." I told them they don't tell people whats in it now. It's read when they die and people can get over it. They could leave everything to a tree in the front yard if they wanted to. I've got one and wouldn't tell them whats in it.
People will argue a whole lot more after they are gone and there is no direction.
And they will argue a crap ton when the state decides what happens to great grandma's china, and aunt Bessie's lamp. These things don't mean much to probate court judges, but mean a heck of a lot to families. The court could decide to auction off all the assets and split the proceeds amongst the descendants. So you don't get any heirlooms, but you get a pile of cash. Great. I would rather have my great grandmother's wedding ring than let the court decide.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
My parents won't make a will because "people will argue about what is in it." I told them they don't tell people whats in it now. It's read when they die and people can get over it. They could leave everything to a tree in the front yard if they wanted to. I've got one and wouldn't tell them whats in it.
People will argue a whole lot more after they are gone and there is no direction.
And they will argue a crap ton when the state decides what happens to great grandma's china, and aunt Bessie's lamp. These things don't mean much to probate court judges, but mean a heck of a lot to families. The court could decide to auction off all the assets and split the proceeds amongst the descendants. So you don't get any heirlooms, but you get a pile of cash. Great. I would rather have my great grandmother's wedding ring than let the court decide.
I've seen families torn apart over "stuff". It's really sad. And the people who refuse to make a will make me mad. I'm like - don't you care about your kids' relationships with each other? You are setting them up to fight.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
A will doesn't stop families from being torn apart LL. People will fight about anything and everything. DH's mom had a typical will. Share and share alike. Well, Dh's sister decided "mom would want me to have all of it", blah, blah. She didn't have much left but that was her response. People will fight over a $5 nothing. And, a will doesn't spell out EVERY household item so people who want to fight, can always find something to fight about.
A will doesn't stop families from being torn apart LL. People will fight about anything and everything. DH's mom had a typical will. Share and share alike. Well, Dh's sister decided "mom would want me to have all of it", blah, blah. She didn't have much left but that was her response. People will fight over a $5 nothing. And, a will doesn't spell out EVERY household item so people who want to fight, can always find something to fight about.
But a will names an executor, who has the final determination in how the "share and share alike" division is made. No, it won't stop them from fighting completely, but it gives a legal answer to who gets to decide.
People should really start giving their stuff away before they die. Or put a label on it if they know someone really wants it.
But I always ask if there are personal items their children are likely to fight over, to put the devise directly in the will. The problem with direct devises is that that come before everything else, so if bills need to be paid, and you have a grand piano and $100,000 and you devise the piano - the bills get paid out of the $10,000.00, and the person getting the piano does not have that devise affected unless the bills were more than the $10,000.00.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
A will helps for sure. But, it still doesn't stop anyone from taking liberties. And, yes, if you want to battle in court, you can have a legal ruling. But, for most families, this thing deteriorates and whomever acted like a greedy bastard pretty much takes whatever they want and then the rest of family walks away from that person and that is pretty much the end of it.
When my mom died, she had a lot of pretty antiques. I called my sister and her daughter and said, come take the things you want for you and your daughter. And, my sister is not the greedy type anyway but I thought that would be the best way to do it. She took a few things and then I took a few things of what was left and the rest we sold in an estate sale.
Part of what happens is that one child often becomes the caretaker of mom or dad due to location, temperament or whatever. I was closer to my mom than my sister. And my mom lived here and my sis lives in Kentucky so I took care of her. But, the one who does the caretaking then sometimes thinks "I deserve more than my sibs', etc. and that is often a bone of contention. But, your parents' money is not your money. And, screwing your siblings would be a terrible thing.
A will helps for sure. But, it still doesn't stop anyone from taking liberties. And, yes, if you want to battle in court, you can have a legal ruling. But, for most families, this thing deteriorates and whomever acted like a greedy bastard pretty much takes whatever they want and then the rest of family walks away from that person and that is pretty much the end of it.
When my mom died, she had a lot of pretty antiques. I called my sister and her daughter and said, come take the things you want for you and your daughter. And, my sister is not the greedy type anyway but I thought that would be the best way to do it. She took a few things and then I took a few things of what was left and the rest we sold in an estate sale.
Part of what happens is that one child often becomes the caretaker of mom or dad due to location, temperament or whatever. I was closer to my mom than my sister. And my mom lived here and my sis lives in Kentucky so I took care of her. But, the one who does the caretaking then sometimes thinks "I deserve more than my sibs', etc. and that is often a bone of contention. But, your parents' money is not your money. And, screwing your siblings would be a terrible thing.
I think they do deserve more if the other siblings didn't help.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
A will helps for sure. But, it still doesn't stop anyone from taking liberties. And, yes, if you want to battle in court, you can have a legal ruling. But, for most families, this thing deteriorates and whomever acted like a greedy bastard pretty much takes whatever they want and then the rest of family walks away from that person and that is pretty much the end of it.
When my mom died, she had a lot of pretty antiques. I called my sister and her daughter and said, come take the things you want for you and your daughter. And, my sister is not the greedy type anyway but I thought that would be the best way to do it. She took a few things and then I took a few things of what was left and the rest we sold in an estate sale.
Part of what happens is that one child often becomes the caretaker of mom or dad due to location, temperament or whatever. I was closer to my mom than my sister. And my mom lived here and my sis lives in Kentucky so I took care of her. But, the one who does the caretaking then sometimes thinks "I deserve more than my sibs', etc. and that is often a bone of contention. But, your parents' money is not your money. And, screwing your siblings would be a terrible thing.
No. Not "most" families.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
