TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Dr. G.,

My son and I were laying in my bed talking (I do this when I sense something is troubling him, because he battles depression) when he asked, "Can I tell you something without you getting weird or grossed out?" I asked what, and he said, "I've been having wet dreams about you." I asked him if it made him feel gross. He said, "No, well kind of." Then I asked him if he thought this would be appropriate outside the dream (I need to know if there was something off with his thinking). He said he knew that's not acceptable. I didn't know how to address this or if this is normal for a young man. I think it's weird, but I also know boys work different with hormones. I told him I didn't know if these dreams are normal, but I would ask and then we would address it. Thanks for your help.

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A Confused Mom

Dear Mom,

Thank you so much for writing to me. I understand both your confusion and your son's confusion. Yes, teen boys have reported having these sorts of feelings toward their mothers. While both they and mothers would prefer that this not ever be the case, it does happen. Thoughts are one thing, and as you implied, the behaviors are another issue. It is a very good sign that your son is aware that a sexual connection with you would not be appropriate. I am glad that you and he were open with each other.

I have some advice for both of you which may be helpful. While you should be available to your son to help him deal with depression, perhaps the physical contact may be too much for your son too handle. It may be too stimulating.

I am also wondering if your son has a group of male and female friends, or if his depression may be related in some way to isolation. In any event, he needs to get into therapy to address his depression and possible isolation. It is important that he begin to associate sexual feelings with age appropriate partners, and he cannot do so if he is isolated.

I am not sure if there is a father figure in the family. If you have the support of a male figure in your life, then perhaps he can begin addressing issues of sexuality with your son so that he can learn about sexual health and introducing sexuality into his life when he is ready.

I wish you luck. You sound like a caring and loving mother. Please get back to me.

Dr. G.

See my website: drbarbaragreenberg.com

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http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-teen-doctor/201501/my-16-year-old-has-sex-dreams-about-me

Tinydancer · Guru

I don't have a son (although I do have a stepson) but I don't think I would have handled this conversation as well as this mother did.

ed11563 · Guru

I've never heard of this. Except for Oedipus, that is.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Ewww, yuck.

huskerbb · Guru

Flat out weird.

I think she handled it well at the time--but I'm not sure she hasn't contributed to this. He's 16. Laying in bed together seems to be unnaturally close for that age of kid.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

huskerbb wrote:
Flat out weird.

I think she handled it well at the time--but I'm not sure she hasn't contributed to this. He's 16. Laying in bed together seems to be unnaturally close for that age of kid.

Very true. Perhaps she needs to find a new venue for talking and sharing and his "dreams" will stop.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Flat out weird.

I think she handled it well at the time--but I'm not sure she hasn't contributed to this. He's 16. Laying in bed together seems to be unnaturally close for that age of kid.

Very true. Perhaps she needs to find a new venue for talking and sharing and his "dreams" will stop.

For a child of the opposite sex maybe. DD is 16 and we do this all the time. Its often when she shares the most with me about her dreams, her concerns, what she thinks about what's happening in the world... Her sister is 24 and when she comes home we spend at least one night cuddled up and catching up. Maybe it is a mother daughter thing. Honestly, that part of the story didn't ring any alarm bells for me.

I thought it was pretty typical for a child to have a passing sexual attraction to a parent. Not to the extent in the OP though.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Flat out weird.

I think she handled it well at the time--but I'm not sure she hasn't contributed to this. He's 16. Laying in bed together seems to be unnaturally close for that age of kid.

Very true. Perhaps she needs to find a new venue for talking and sharing and his "dreams" will stop.
For a child of the opposite sex maybe. DD is 16 and we do this all the time. Its often when she shares the most with me about her dreams, her concerns, what she thinks about what's happening in the world... Her sister is 24 and when she comes home we spend at least one night cuddled up and catching up. Maybe it is a mother daughter thing. Honestly, that part of the story didn't ring any alarm bells for me.
I thought it was pretty typical for a child to have a passing sexual attraction to a parent. Not to the extent in the OP though.

First point: This kid IS of the opposite sex.

Second point: Yes, every 4 year old says they want to marry mommy or daddy (as the case may be). This kid is SIXTEEN. It is unnatural.

TOTALLY GEEKED!

My 16-Year-Old Has Sex Dreams About Me

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