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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Abby: Jealous of Dead Wife's Ashes
Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Abby: Jealous of Dead Wife's Ashes
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DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a widower for a year. While he was eager to jump into the dating pool, he still has a mini shrine of his late wife's ashes and belongings in their house. I can't bring myself to have dinner or sleep over there with that overt presence.

He recently told me he's saving her remains to be intermingled with his when he dies. It was among a long list of her afterlife instructions he described. He's in good health. I figure he has 25 years -- or more -- life expectancy before the big event.

Realistically, shouldn't I expect more than second best in his world? Is there a time limit for grieving, or does the deceased get to control her hubby from the other side? -- WAITING AND WONDERING

DEAR WAITING AND WONDERING: Realistically, this has less to do with what you should "expect" than conclusions the widower must arrive at on his own. Ask him in a nonconfrontational way how he feels about carrying out all of his deceased wife's wishes -- and whether he thinks it is fair to himself or you. Be prepared to discuss it without becoming emotional. His answers will tell you everything you need to know about a future with him.

P.S. If your relationship with him is good, why not focus on the present and not worry about what happens to his body when he's gone? However, if this is a deal breaker, then don't invest any more time.

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2015/1/8/online-search-yields-shocking-news-about

 



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huskerbb


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You've been dating him for a YEAR. His wife was married to him for who knows how long, plus dated him before that.

You've got no standing to expect any changes at this point. If you can't live with it, it's up to you, but at this point, it's really not even up for discussion.

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Lawyerlady


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huskerbb wrote:

You've been dating him for a YEAR. His wife was married to him for who knows how long, plus dated him before that.

You've got no standing to expect any changes at this point. If you can't live with it, it's up to you, but at this point, it's really not even up for discussion.

 I agree.  She's a nutter.



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Southern_Belle


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My dad's wife had an urn with her husband's ashes for a while after they were married. She planned to spread the ashes someplace special and the family hadn't gotten together to do it yet. Wasn't that big a deal, they had been married over 40 years. He will always have a special place in her heart.

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