TOTALLY GEEKED!

ed11563 · Guru

SAHM=personal maid.

NAOW · Vette's SS

I do t think I'm the right person to ask.

I do have several friends who would argue that their family thinks Mom=personal maid.

aergia · Regular

depends on how much you can stomach.
I would post rules or have a family meeting. Clothes are no
t washed by the laundry fairy, you got it dirty you wash it.
and stick with it, thats the hard part

ed11563 · Guru

Things left lying around, including clothing and school books, would be gathered and put into a large, clear plastic trash bag. Anyone who wanted something they were missing, could look in the bag(s) in the basement. Someone frantically looking for his missing shoes ...

Dishes were a problem. Spouse didn't do dishes because standing at the sink hurt her back. One son didn't do a good job; the other spent waaay too much time washing... 5 minutes to wash a plate or a fork? Ran the 40 gallon water heater out of hot water.

So we switched to paper plates and plastic utensils (thank you Costco).

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I almost have this issue. I am not a SAHM, but I work part time now. The family seems to think this means they can run amok.

This is why I was frustrated with DH, he quit doing his entire share. I don't mind picking up the slack, but I still DO work and I should get some help.

DH realized it in his own and is helping more.

In general, kids were taught how to do laundry when they could reach the dials. DD does a load or two every week. If you use a dish, rinse and put it in the dishwasher. I run it and DH or DD empties it. I cannot take out the trash, I am too short to reach the dumpster. When it gets out of control and they haven't done it, I get it together and park the garbage in front of the TV or in the hallway or somewhere they get the hint.

Good luck. Each situation is different.

huskerbb · Guru

When one makes the decision to be a SAHP (not just moms)--then that is your JOB. You can't expect that household chores will be divided 50/50, or even anywhere close to that.

Sure, you can expect children and spouse to help out and give you a break. Certainly, they can keep their own personal areas and "stuff" picked up--but when you've been home all day, then no, your spouse should not have to cook supper when they get home.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

huskerbb wrote:
When one makes the decision to be a SAHP (not just moms)--then that is your JOB. You can't expect that household chores will be divided 50/50, or even anywhere close to that.

Sure, you can expect children and spouse to help out and give you a break. Certainly, they can keep their own personal areas and "stuff" picked up--but when you've been home all day, then no, your spouse should not have to cook supper when they get home.

Husker, newsflash, everyone over the age of 10 should be doing their own laundry, putting their dishes in the dishwasher, making their beds, etc. This household is not a HOTEL!

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
When one makes the decision to be a SAHP (not just moms)--then that is your JOB. You can't expect that household chores will be divided 50/50, or even anywhere close to that.

Sure, you can expect children and spouse to help out and give you a break. Certainly, they can keep their own personal areas and "stuff" picked up--but when you've been home all day, then no, your spouse should not have to cook supper when they get home.
Husker, newsflash, everyone over the age of 10 should be doing their own laundry, putting their dishes in the dishwasher, making their beds, etc. This household is not a HOTEL!

Agreed 100%. They should also be helping out with other chores as needed so when they grow up they know how to do them! Nothing worse than college kids who have never washed a dish or cooked a meal.

huskerbb · Guru

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
When one makes the decision to be a SAHP (not just moms)--then that is your JOB. You can't expect that household chores will be divided 50/50, or even anywhere close to that.

Sure, you can expect children and spouse to help out and give you a break. Certainly, they can keep their own personal areas and "stuff" picked up--but when you've been home all day, then no, your spouse should not have to cook supper when they get home.
Husker, newsflash, everyone over the age of 10 should be doing their own laundry, putting their dishes in the dishwasher, making their beds, etc. This household is not a HOTEL!

Doing their own laundry? Don't be absurd. No way will they do it right.

I don't want them loading the dishwasher, either. They won't do it right.

Don't care if the beds are made, or not.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
When one makes the decision to be a SAHP (not just moms)--then that is your JOB. You can't expect that household chores will be divided 50/50, or even anywhere close to that.

Sure, you can expect children and spouse to help out and give you a break. Certainly, they can keep their own personal areas and "stuff" picked up--but when you've been home all day, then no, your spouse should not have to cook supper when they get home.
Husker, newsflash, everyone over the age of 10 should be doing their own laundry, putting their dishes in the dishwasher, making their beds, etc. This household is not a HOTEL!
Agreed 100%. They should also be helping out with other chores as needed so when they grow up they know how to do them! Nothing worse than college kids who have never washed a dish or cooked a meal.

Those aren't "chores".

When I was a kid, I worked outside 4 hours or more a day--in ADDITION to going to school. I'd get up at 5:30 and work outside for a couple of hours until I had to go to school. Then I'd work again from 4 o'clock when I got home until dark.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

huskerbb wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
When one makes the decision to be a SAHP (not just moms)--then that is your JOB. You can't expect that household chores will be divided 50/50, or even anywhere close to that.

Sure, you can expect children and spouse to help out and give you a break. Certainly, they can keep their own personal areas and "stuff" picked up--but when you've been home all day, then no, your spouse should not have to cook supper when they get home.
Husker, newsflash, everyone over the age of 10 should be doing their own laundry, putting their dishes in the dishwasher, making their beds, etc. This household is not a HOTEL!
Doing their own laundry? Don't be absurd. No way will they do it right.

I don't want them loading the dishwasher, either. They won't do it right.

Don't care if the beds are made, or not.

Laundry and dishes aren't rocket science. A 10 year old is perfectly capable of both. Mine were and did them both well.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
When one makes the decision to be a SAHP (not just moms)--then that is your JOB. You can't expect that household chores will be divided 50/50, or even anywhere close to that.

Sure, you can expect children and spouse to help out and give you a break. Certainly, they can keep their own personal areas and "stuff" picked up--but when you've been home all day, then no, your spouse should not have to cook supper when they get home.
Husker, newsflash, everyone over the age of 10 should be doing their own laundry, putting their dishes in the dishwasher, making their beds, etc. This household is not a HOTEL!
Agreed 100%. They should also be helping out with other chores as needed so when they grow up they know how to do them! Nothing worse than college kids who have never washed a dish or cooked a meal.
Those aren't "chores".

When I was a kid, I worked outside 4 hours or more a day--in ADDITION to going to school. I'd get up at 5:30 and work outside for a couple of hours until I had to go to school. Then I'd work again from 4 o'clock when I got home until dark.

In non farming households, they are chores husker. We don't all live on a farm with animals to tend to.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Well I think we can all guess how Husker's kids stand on chores; Let the SAHM do it, even it mom works!

huskerbb · Guru

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Well I think we can all guess how Husker's kids stand on chores; Let the SAHM do it, even it mom works!

Um, I did 90% of the laundry, at least 80% of the cooking, and nearly all the dishes.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
When one makes the decision to be a SAHP (not just moms)--then that is your JOB. You can't expect that household chores will be divided 50/50, or even anywhere close to that.

Sure, you can expect children and spouse to help out and give you a break. Certainly, they can keep their own personal areas and "stuff" picked up--but when you've been home all day, then no, your spouse should not have to cook supper when they get home.
Husker, newsflash, everyone over the age of 10 should be doing their own laundry, putting their dishes in the dishwasher, making their beds, etc. This household is not a HOTEL!
Agreed 100%. They should also be helping out with other chores as needed so when they grow up they know how to do them! Nothing worse than college kids who have never washed a dish or cooked a meal.
Those aren't "chores".

When I was a kid, I worked outside 4 hours or more a day--in ADDITION to going to school. I'd get up at 5:30 and work outside for a couple of hours until I had to go to school. Then I'd work again from 4 o'clock when I got home until dark.
In non farming households, they are chores husker. We don't all live on a farm with animals to tend to.

I know. Just don't pretend that is work.

Divine Geek · Guru

Apparently my sister and I were spoiled brats. I didn't do my own laundry until college. Heck, even now if I don't keep an eye on her, my mom will do my laundry. I'll take it upstairs and put a load in, tell mom to let me know when it buzzes so I can switch it out. Next thing I know, it's folded by the door for me.

huskerbb · Guru

Divine Geek wrote:
Apparently my sister and I were spoiled brats. I didn't do my own laundry until college. Heck, even now if I don't keep an eye on her, my mom will do my laundry. I'll take it upstairs and put a load in, tell mom to let me know when it buzzes so I can switch it out. Next thing I know, it's folded by the door for me.

We never folded clothes, much. We'd give them to the boys to put away--and they mostly just stuffed them in their dresser drawers.

Divine Geek · Guru

My mom did all the laundry. And all the dishes. And most of the cooking. We helped when asked.

Other cleaning was done by the cleaning lady.

My mom was kind of a SAHM. My dad owned a business and she worked for him. So she worked, but was available for us kids pretty much whenever needed

huskerbb · Guru

Divine Geek wrote:
My mom did all the laundry. And all the dishes. And most of the cooking. We helped when asked.

Other cleaning was done by the cleaning lady.

My mom was kind of a SAHM. My dad owned a business and she worked for him. So she worked, but was available for us kids pretty much whenever needed

My mom was a SAHM. My sister helped her a lot when she got old enough. Dad worked two jobs. He was both a full-time farmer and a full-time pastor. My brothers and I worked outside from the time we were in school until we left home--and then some.

NAOW · Vette's SS

Mellow Momma wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
When one makes the decision to be a SAHP (not just moms)--then that is your JOB. You can't expect that household chores will be divided 50/50, or even anywhere close to that.

Sure, you can expect children and spouse to help out and give you a break. Certainly, they can keep their own personal areas and "stuff" picked up--but when you've been home all day, then no, your spouse should not have to cook supper when they get home.
Husker, newsflash, everyone over the age of 10 should be doing their own laundry, putting their dishes in the dishwasher, making their beds, etc. This household is not a HOTEL!
Agreed 100%. They should also be helping out with other chores as needed so when they grow up they know how to do them! Nothing worse than college kids who have never washed a dish or cooked a meal.

This is the issue I am having. I am not wanting DH to vacuum, or cook, or do any chores really, but picking up after himself is too much to ask??

The thread is saying I shouldn't have to be a personal maid, not that I want my husband to pitch in 50/50.

Because I stay home doesn't mean my husband can't pick up his dirty clothes when he takes them off. Or wipe up the counter after he finishes making his coffee. Or putting his dishes in the dishwasher. Or that he can't help out with stuff when he gets home for the day. Not chores, but stuff that continually needs done, like refilling the animals food and water, and taking out the trash.

huskerbb · Guru

NAOW wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
When one makes the decision to be a SAHP (not just moms)--then that is your JOB. You can't expect that household chores will be divided 50/50, or even anywhere close to that.

Sure, you can expect children and spouse to help out and give you a break. Certainly, they can keep their own personal areas and "stuff" picked up--but when you've been home all day, then no, your spouse should not have to cook supper when they get home.
Husker, newsflash, everyone over the age of 10 should be doing their own laundry, putting their dishes in the dishwasher, making their beds, etc. This household is not a HOTEL!
Agreed 100%. They should also be helping out with other chores as needed so when they grow up they know how to do them! Nothing worse than college kids who have never washed a dish or cooked a meal.
This is the issue I am having. I am not wanting DH to vacuum, or cook, or do any chores really, but picking up after himself is too much to ask??
The thread is saying I shouldn't have to be a personal maid, not that I want my husband to pitch in 50/50.
Because I stay home doesn't mean my husband can't pick up his dirty clothes when he takes them off. Or wipe up the counter after he finishes making his coffee. Or putting his dishes in the dishwasher. Or that he can't help out with stuff when he gets home for the day. Not chores, but stuff that continually needs done, like refilling the animals food and water, and taking out the trash.

I don't want my wife to load the dishwasher. She doesn't do it right. She overloads it, and doesn't set it on the correct cycle. Either the dishwasher runs for hours--or the dishes don't get clean.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Saturday 10th of January 2015 10:31:41 PM

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

to Husker

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

NAOW wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
When one makes the decision to be a SAHP (not just moms)--then that is your JOB. You can't expect that household chores will be divided 50/50, or even anywhere close to that.

Sure, you can expect children and spouse to help out and give you a break. Certainly, they can keep their own personal areas and "stuff" picked up--but when you've been home all day, then no, your spouse should not have to cook supper when they get home.
Husker, newsflash, everyone over the age of 10 should be doing their own laundry, putting their dishes in the dishwasher, making their beds, etc. This household is not a HOTEL!
Agreed 100%. They should also be helping out with other chores as needed so when they grow up they know how to do them! Nothing worse than college kids who have never washed a dish or cooked a meal.
This is the issue I am having. I am not wanting DH to vacuum, or cook, or do any chores really, but picking up after himself is too much to ask??
The thread is saying I shouldn't have to be a personal maid, not that I want my husband to pitch in 50/50.
Because I stay home doesn't mean my husband can't pick up his dirty clothes when he takes them off. Or wipe up the counter after he finishes making his coffee. Or putting his dishes in the dishwasher. Or that he can't help out with stuff when he gets home for the day. Not chores, but stuff that continually needs done, like refilling the animals food and water, and taking out the trash.

I wouldn't wash or pick up the clothes he leaves on then floor (or wherever he leaves them). They could pile up to my waist and grow fur...they would still be there. Same with his dishes. They would sit there and wait for him. The crumbs are a little more problematic. But in my experience, leaving their stuff where they left it usually helps "spark" their memory.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Oh and if asked...I say "I thought you were still using it since you didn't put it away"

NAOW · Vette's SS

Haha! I will have to try that.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
Divine Geek wrote:
Apparently my sister and I were spoiled brats. I didn't do my own laundry until college. Heck, even now if I don't keep an eye on her, my mom will do my laundry. I'll take it upstairs and put a load in, tell mom to let me know when it buzzes so I can switch it out. Next thing I know, it's folded by the door for me.
We never folded clothes, much. We'd give them to the boys to put away--and they mostly just stuffed them in their dresser drawers.

I never expected my kids to do laundry.

And, yeah, they knew where the clean clothes were, so they could take their own stuff.

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

NAOW wrote:
Haha! I will have to try that.

Good luck, NAOW.

I think it boils down to respect. You deserve to be treated better. Does he know how you feel?

flan

Ilumine · Regular

I am a SAHM. And while the main reason for staying at home is because where we currently live, I would lose money to daycare if I worked.

HOWEVER, with that being said the whole point of being a SAHM is the M part. MOTHERING. And the point of mothering, i.e. parenting is to teach your children to be self-sufficient, responsible, forward thinking adults.

If mommy does everything all of the time, how is the child to ever learn how to SEE what needs to be done NOW and assess what will need to be done IN THE FUTURE? There is a reason why one doesn't leave food on the counter or let dirty and/or wet laundry sit in a basket or in Husker's case, why there is a right way to load a clothes and dish washer.

I mean, Husker doesn't like how his wife loads the dishwasher, therefore he does it for EVERYONE. Well...how are the kids going to really learn if all they get is Dad's kvetching? After some point, they tune out Dad and his bitching and actually ignore the information because it just sounds like dad being particular (read OCD).

Doing the chore is not enough. Having mom bitch at you for not picking up your stuff is not always enough to learn the lessons of life. Because when the kids are out on their own and mommy isn't there to nag or follow up, the lack of true understanding about how these things affect your life don't just affect the kids.

Never learning how to do your laundry properly is going to bite you in the ass when you go off to college. Not only will your clothes never look clean (and yes, as a college girl I did notice when guys clothes all had the gray dinge to them), but you will wear them out faster and cost you more money.

Never vacuuming up after yourself or leaving food out...pests. And let me tell you, being THAT person affects you as an adult.

If you never learn to put your dishes in the dishwasher (just leave it by the sofa or in the sink) and you continue that bit of laziness into your work world, your supervisor's opinion of you is not not going to be positive when he has to come to you and tell you to be a responsible grownass adult.

And let us all be honest here. Parental modeling means something. Why should a kid clean up after himself is Dad doesn't?

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

An excellent analysis!!! I agree 100% !!!! Well stated.

huskerbb · Guru

62038_10151850815586345_1034369153_n.png?oh=5a59bc2239f43f7be684f49143398ba1&oe=552BBFE0&__gda__=1433322717_61d4f9b8a81065df11bf24619c71cc5d LOL!!!!

Doing crap like that is NOT going to teach kids how to "work".

I know what work is. Loading a few dishes or an occasional load of laundry is NOT it.

The above was recently posted on facebook.

This was my response:

??? Where are at ages 5 and 6: Feeding and watering the sows, chopping musk thistle in the pasture, walking fields for ****leburs, and mowing the fields? Ages 7 and 8--scatter raking and plowing and feeding the calves with 5 gallon buckets of corn? Ages 9 and 10--disking the fields, grinding feed, and checking cows to calve? Ages 11 and 12--feeding cows with the farmhand loader, running the ely and cultivator? Age 13 and up--stacking hay, vaccinating cattle, pulling calves, and doing every other job on the farm? That entire list doesn't really have a "chore" on it. Kids today are weenies.

I'm not against kids doing that stuff--just don't pretend it's "work", or that it's some important cog in teaching responsibility.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Husker - if you don't have a back 40 to plow or cows to milk and feed, it IS work. It's the best those of us without farm land have, so we use it.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
Husker - if you don't have a back 40 to plow or cows to milk and feed, it IS work. It's the best those of us without farm land have, so we use it.

Sure, I was basically in the same boat with my kids--but don't think you are going to ingrain some huge sense of work ethic and responsibility in your kids because they had to wash dishes.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Husker - if you don't have a back 40 to plow or cows to milk and feed, it IS work. It's the best those of us without farm land have, so we use it.
Sure, I was basically in the same boat with my kids--but don't think you are going to ingrain some huge sense of work ethic and responsibility in your kids because they had to wash dishes.

Well how do you suggest people instill a work ethic or sense of responsibility then? It isn't the end of that conversation...it's the beginning. The very first baby steps. Not the whole marathon.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Husker - if you don't have a back 40 to plow or cows to milk and feed, it IS work. It's the best those of us without farm land have, so we use it.
Sure, I was basically in the same boat with my kids--but don't think you are going to ingrain some huge sense of work ethic and responsibility in your kids because they had to wash dishes.

Husker, obviously you place hard physical work above all else. But other forms of work, whether physical or not, are important to life. Do you think that the clothes you wear did not require some hard work from people? The designer that had to submit 500 designs that were all rejected before one was acceptable? They worked long hours into the nights and w/e's for those designs, and then there are the people who create/design the fabric. It may seem simple to you but it isn't. And what about the mechanics and SW engineers that have to keep the equipment going. Yes SW engineers, because most machinery is controlled by SW. Do you know how taxing that type of work is? It is mentally exhausting, as much as your farm work is physically exhausting. I am a thinker, use my brain power, you use your physical powers.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Husker - if you don't have a back 40 to plow or cows to milk and feed, it IS work. It's the best those of us without farm land have, so we use it.
Sure, I was basically in the same boat with my kids--but don't think you are going to ingrain some huge sense of work ethic and responsibility in your kids because they had to wash dishes.
Well how do you suggest people instill a work ethic or sense of responsibility then? It isn't the end of that conversation...it's the beginning. The very first baby steps. Not the whole marathon.

I think it's exceedingly difficult. Sure, small "chores" (and it makes me choke using that term) can be a small part of that.

I think high school athletics or possibly other activities can, also. They have to commit to practices, improving their skills, etc...

I'm maybe not a huge fan of "making" kids go out for sports--but on the other hand, like I told my kids, you don't have to go out, but you have to come up with a plan other than coming home and playing xbox for four hours a night.

Working for someone else is probably the best way--even if it is "small" jobs. Shoveling a neighbor's driveway, for example, can teach a lot, babysitting, even. They will usually respond if it isn't mom or dad they are doing it for.

Finally, a part-time summer job is good. Let them see the monetary value of work.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Husker - if you don't have a back 40 to plow or cows to milk and feed, it IS work. It's the best those of us without farm land have, so we use it.
Sure, I was basically in the same boat with my kids--but don't think you are going to ingrain some huge sense of work ethic and responsibility in your kids because they had to wash dishes.
Well how do you suggest people instill a work ethic or sense of responsibility then? It isn't the end of that conversation...it's the beginning. The very first baby steps. Not the whole marathon.
I think it's exceedingly difficult. Sure, small "chores" (and it makes me choke using that term) can be a small part of that.

I think high school athletics or possibly other activities can, also. They have to commit to practices, improving their skills, etc...

I'm maybe not a huge fan of "making" kids go out for sports--but on the other hand, like I told my kids, you don't have to go out, but you have to come up with a plan other than coming home and playing xbox for four hours a night.

Working for someone else is probably the best way--even if it is "small" jobs. Shoveling a neighbor's driveway, for example, can teach a lot, babysitting, even. They will usually respond if it isn't mom or dad they are doing it for.

Finally, a part-time summer job is good. Let them see the monetary value of work.

I agree with all of your suggestions. But most of them are for teens, or pre teens. Household chores can begin as early as 3 or 4 years old. Why wait until they are a teenager? Teach them early.

Not to every kid has the ability or the desire to be on a sports team. And in some communities, the part time fast food type jobs are taken by adults who are out of work and have a work history. Our DD wasn't athletic and couldn't get hired anywhere she applied. Instead, she was in every club, and every after school activity she was interested in. She didn't get home from school on most nights until 8 or 9 pm. And the first thing she did when she got home...her "chores".

Not every kid is cut out for a team sport. And not every kid has a back 40 to plow. And we shouldn't wait until they are 12 to teach them responsibility. It starts young with simple things they can accomplish.

Divine Geek · Guru

My dad owned his own business. So my sister and I were involved in that. I remember filing, stuffing envelopes and answering phones from an early age - 8 or so. My parents also involved us in their volenteer work. Again, I have great memories of sitting up counting change from the concession stand my dad's civic group ran

I think the best way to teach your kids work ethic and responsibility is by setting a good example. I can't count the number of dinners that were eaten at the office while my dad waited for the last truck to come in for the night. Or watching the owner/president hanging off the back of a garbage truck because a guy was sick. He did what needed done, we all did. And we all still do

NAOW · Vette's SS

flan327 wrote:
NAOW wrote:
Haha! I will have to try that.
Good luck, NAOW.
I think it boils down to respect. You deserve to be treated better. Does he know how you feel?
flan

He is a great husband and I am really lucky. Yesterday just seemed like a day where everything seemed to be left to me and I needed to vent about it. With DH, I do need to tell him how I feel. I don't want to nag, and I don't want to give him more to do when he gets home from work.. but he wouldn't have more to do if he would pick up after himself to begin with.

I think he is just in a rut- like, I don't mind helping pick up his stuff when it needs done, because he's my husband, and I live here, and that's what you do for family, you know? You pick up the slack for each other. But it has gone beyond picking up the slack, it started slow, with him only leaving crap undone every once in a while and somehow turned into me constantly picking up after him. And he is not helping pick up the slack for the rest of the house either. So it's completely one sided. My fault is that I've let it go on.

DD does have her own responsibilities, but we are still working on her doing them without being reminded.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

NAOW wrote:
flan327 wrote:
NAOW wrote:
Haha! I will have to try that.
Good luck, NAOW.
I think it boils down to respect. You deserve to be treated better. Does he know how you feel?
flan
He is a great husband and I am really lucky. Yesterday just seemed like a day where everything seemed to be left to me and I needed to vent about it. With DH, I do need to tell him how I feel. I don't want to nag, and I don't want to give him more to do when he gets home from work.. but he wouldn't have more to do if he would pick up after himself to begin with.
I think he is just in a rut- like, I don't mind helping pick up his stuff when it needs done, because he's my husband, and I live here, and that's what you do for family, you know? You pick up the slack for each other. But it has gone beyond picking up the slack, it started slow, with him only leaving crap undone every once in a while and somehow turned into me constantly picking up after him. And he is not helping pick up the slack for the rest of the house either. So it's completely one sided. My fault is that I've let it go on.
DD does have her own responsibilities, but we are still working on her doing them without being reminded.

If you can stand the mess for a week or two, just don't pick up after him, especially his dirty clothes. He will eventually run out of clean underwear and such and perhaps get the hint.

NAOW · Vette's SS

That's what MM said too. I will give it a shot. I might go crazy though.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Husker - if you don't have a back 40 to plow or cows to milk and feed, it IS work. It's the best those of us without farm land have, so we use it.
Sure, I was basically in the same boat with my kids--but don't think you are going to ingrain some huge sense of work ethic and responsibility in your kids because they had to wash dishes.
Well how do you suggest people instill a work ethic or sense of responsibility then? It isn't the end of that conversation...it's the beginning. The very first baby steps. Not the whole marathon.
I think it's exceedingly difficult. Sure, small "chores" (and it makes me choke using that term) can be a small part of that.

I think high school athletics or possibly other activities can, also. They have to commit to practices, improving their skills, etc...

I'm maybe not a huge fan of "making" kids go out for sports--but on the other hand, like I told my kids, you don't have to go out, but you have to come up with a plan other than coming home and playing xbox for four hours a night.

Working for someone else is probably the best way--even if it is "small" jobs. Shoveling a neighbor's driveway, for example, can teach a lot, babysitting, even. They will usually respond if it isn't mom or dad they are doing it for.

Finally, a part-time summer job is good. Let them see the monetary value of work.
I agree with all of your suggestions. But most of them are for teens, or pre teens. Household chores can begin as early as 3 or 4 years old. Why wait until they are a teenager? Teach them early.

Not to every kid has the ability or the desire to be on a sports team. And in some communities, the part time fast food type jobs are taken by adults who are out of work and have a work history. Our DD wasn't athletic and couldn't get hired anywhere she applied. Instead, she was in every club, and every after school activity she was interested in. She didn't get home from school on most nights until 8 or 9 pm. And the first thing she did when she got home...her "chores".
Not every kid is cut out for a team sport. And not every kid has a back 40 to plow. And we shouldn't wait until they are 12 to teach them responsibility. It starts young with simple things they can accomplish.

Well I sure as heck don't want my 4 year old to run the dishwasher or do laundry. They'd have probably flooded the house.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

NAOW wrote:
flan327 wrote:
NAOW wrote:
Haha! I will have to try that.
Good luck, NAOW.
I think it boils down to respect. You deserve to be treated better. Does he know how you feel?
flan
He is a great husband and I am really lucky. Yesterday just seemed like a day where everything seemed to be left to me and I needed to vent about it. With DH, I do need to tell him how I feel. I don't want to nag, and I don't want to give him more to do when he gets home from work.. but he wouldn't have more to do if he would pick up after himself to begin with.
I think he is just in a rut- like, I don't mind helping pick up his stuff when it needs done, because he's my husband, and I live here, and that's what you do for family, you know? You pick up the slack for each other. But it has gone beyond picking up the slack, it started slow, with him only leaving crap undone every once in a while and somehow turned into me constantly picking up after him. And he is not helping pick up the slack for the rest of the house either. So it's completely one sided. My fault is that I've let it go on.
DD does have her own responsibilities, but we are still working on her doing them without being reminded.

I might just talk to him & explain how you feel, and why.

You love each other. You can work it out!

flan

Bonny22Pye · Guru

I'm in the camp of the parent who stays home does the cooking, cleaning, shopping, basic running a household stuff. That's their job. There is nothing wrong with being a domestic engineer. All kids should have chores so they contribute to the household and learn how to do things. They need to learn also that each parent whether working in or outside the home is valuably contributing to the household. It's not being a maid, it's running a home. Which is very hard work when done correctly.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Bonny22Pye wrote:
I'm in the camp of the parent who stays home does the cooking, cleaning, shopping, basic running a household stuff. That's their job. There is nothing wrong with being a domestic engineer. All kids should have chores so they contribute to the household and learn how to do things. They need to learn also that each parent whether working in or outside the home is valuably contributing to the household. It's not being a maid, it's running a home. Which is very hard work when done correctly.

Yes.

I think the main difference is that while the SAHM runs the house, keeps it basically clean, does the shopping, laundry, etc. - each other household member should NOT be treating her like their maid. The laundry should be in the hamper and once kids are big enough, they should be carrying full hampers to the laundry room. The mom should not be picking up clothes off the floor. After mom washes the clothes - kids should be putting them away. Dishes should be scraped clean and put in the sink or dishwasher - whatever the preference of the parents. People should wipe their toothpaste spit out of the sink, and basically clean up after themselves.

The stay at home parent is NOT a maid, they are the household "manager". And a good manager knows how to delegate.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I wouldn't mind doing every single thing if I got some respect to go along with it.

FNW · Guru

I'm not a SAHM, but I do work from home a couple days a week, much more frequently in the winter months. I do all the laundry, cooking, and cleaning (in between maids visits). My boys are 6 and clear the table, vacuum crumbs up if they left any, and make their beds. They helped rake the leaves up and pull weeds.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Bonny22Pye wrote:
I'm in the camp of the parent who stays home does the cooking, cleaning, shopping, basic running a household stuff. That's their job. There is nothing wrong with being a domestic engineer. All kids should have chores so they contribute to the household and learn how to do things. They need to learn also that each parent whether working in or outside the home is valuably contributing to the household. It's not being a maid, it's running a home. Which is very hard work when done correctly.
Yes.

I think the main difference is that while the SAHM runs the house, keeps it basically clean, does the shopping, laundry, etc. - each other household member should NOT be treating her like their maid. The laundry should be in the hamper and once kids are big enough, they should be carrying full hampers to the laundry room. The mom should not be picking up clothes off the floor. After mom washes the clothes - kids should be putting them away. Dishes should be scraped clean and put in the sink or dishwasher - whatever the preference of the parents. People should wipe their toothpaste spit out of the sink, and basically clean up after themselves.
The stay at home parent is NOT a maid, they are the household "manager". And a good manager knows how to delegate.

But why should they be able to delegate all of their "chores" to the spouse who doesn't stay home?

Bonny22Pye · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Bonny22Pye wrote:
I'm in the camp of the parent who stays home does the cooking, cleaning, shopping, basic running a household stuff. That's their job. There is nothing wrong with being a domestic engineer. All kids should have chores so they contribute to the household and learn how to do things. They need to learn also that each parent whether working in or outside the home is valuably contributing to the household. It's not being a maid, it's running a home. Which is very hard work when done correctly.
Yes.

I think the main difference is that while the SAHM runs the house, keeps it basically clean, does the shopping, laundry, etc. - each other household member should NOT be treating her like their maid. The laundry should be in the hamper and once kids are big enough, they should be carrying full hampers to the laundry room. The mom should not be picking up clothes off the floor. After mom washes the clothes - kids should be putting them away. Dishes should be scraped clean and put in the sink or dishwasher - whatever the preference of the parents. People should wipe their toothpaste spit out of the sink, and basically clean up after themselves.
The stay at home parent is NOT a maid, they are the household "manager". And a good manager knows how to delegate.
But why should they be able to delegate all of their "chores" to the spouse who doesn't stay home?

Who said delegate all the chores?

huskerbb · Guru

Bonny22Pye wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Bonny22Pye wrote:
I'm in the camp of the parent who stays home does the cooking, cleaning, shopping, basic running a household stuff. That's their job. There is nothing wrong with being a domestic engineer. All kids should have chores so they contribute to the household and learn how to do things. They need to learn also that each parent whether working in or outside the home is valuably contributing to the household. It's not being a maid, it's running a home. Which is very hard work when done correctly.
Yes.

I think the main difference is that while the SAHM runs the house, keeps it basically clean, does the shopping, laundry, etc. - each other household member should NOT be treating her like their maid. The laundry should be in the hamper and once kids are big enough, they should be carrying full hampers to the laundry room. The mom should not be picking up clothes off the floor. After mom washes the clothes - kids should be putting them away. Dishes should be scraped clean and put in the sink or dishwasher - whatever the preference of the parents. People should wipe their toothpaste spit out of the sink, and basically clean up after themselves.
The stay at home parent is NOT a maid, they are the household "manager". And a good manager knows how to delegate.
But why should they be able to delegate all of their "chores" to the spouse who doesn't stay home?
Who said delegate all the chores?

We were just told that they are a manager and a manager delegates. It said nothing about the manager doing anything else.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Bonny22Pye wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Bonny22Pye wrote:
I'm in the camp of the parent who stays home does the cooking, cleaning, shopping, basic running a household stuff. That's their job. There is nothing wrong with being a domestic engineer. All kids should have chores so they contribute to the household and learn how to do things. They need to learn also that each parent whether working in or outside the home is valuably contributing to the household. It's not being a maid, it's running a home. Which is very hard work when done correctly.
Yes.

I think the main difference is that while the SAHM runs the house, keeps it basically clean, does the shopping, laundry, etc. - each other household member should NOT be treating her like their maid. The laundry should be in the hamper and once kids are big enough, they should be carrying full hampers to the laundry room. The mom should not be picking up clothes off the floor. After mom washes the clothes - kids should be putting them away. Dishes should be scraped clean and put in the sink or dishwasher - whatever the preference of the parents. People should wipe their toothpaste spit out of the sink, and basically clean up after themselves.
The stay at home parent is NOT a maid, they are the household "manager". And a good manager knows how to delegate.
But why should they be able to delegate all of their "chores" to the spouse who doesn't stay home?
Who said delegate all the chores?

Apparently picking up your own socks and putting them in the hamper is a chore, as is carrying your own plate to the sink. SAHM does not mean servant.