TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Miss Manners: I hate MIL's Wedding Gift

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I agree with Miss Manners completely.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Anyone want to take bets on how long the marriage will last?

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Put them on at least once when she comes to visit. Then somehow take her upstairs to show her something and then exclaim how you love the sheets. How hard it is?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Gift giving in general has become a real drag. If you have to call someone and get a list of what they want with exact sizes, specifications and where to buy it, then what is the point? Go buy it yourself.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Put them on at least once when she comes to visit. Then somehow take her upstairs to show her something and then exclaim how you love the sheets. How hard it is?

Are you saying tell MIL that she loves the sheets when she hates them? Won't that just lead to more gifts she hates?

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Gift giving in general has become a real drag. If you have to call someone and get a list of what they want with exact sizes, specifications and where to buy it, then what is the point? Go buy it yourself.

I hear you, but, to me, gift giving is about what the recipient wants, not what the gift giver thinks they SHOULD want.

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

But I promise to cherish ANY gift you get me, LGS!!!

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Put them on at least once when she comes to visit. Then somehow take her upstairs to show her something and then exclaim how you love the sheets. How hard it is?
Are you saying tell MIL that she loves the sheets when she hates them? Won't that just lead to more gifts she hates?
flan

As someone who received lighthouse knick knacks for YEARS, I highly advise against this. My SIL had to step in to get my MIL to stop giving them to me.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Gift giving in general has become a real drag. If you have to call someone and get a list of what they want with exact sizes, specifications and where to buy it, then what is the point? Go buy it yourself.
I hear you, but, to me, gift giving is about what the recipient wants, not what the gift giver thinks they SHOULD want.
flan

I thought gift giving was about the thought of someone thinking and care about you not "what the recipient wants"? Yes, of course, the gift giver truly does try to buy something they think the receiver wants. But, I am sure I spent a lot of time buying my Grandma a pretty candle envisioning how she would love it, etc when I reality she probably didn't really care about candles at all but made me feel like I just made her day. I thought that was what gift giving was about? Maybe it's just a business transaction now.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Put them on at least once when she comes to visit. Then somehow take her upstairs to show her something and then exclaim how you love the sheets. How hard it is?
Are you saying tell MIL that she loves the sheets when she hates them? Won't that just lead to more gifts she hates?
flan

Yes.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I don't think she has to lie. A simple "thank you for the gift, it was very thoughtful" should suffice.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

A little lie exclaiming pleasure never hurts. It is her MIL. He MIL wants to feel like she gave them something they really enjoy. So, are we all so selfish now that we can't put ourselves out a bit to give that to another?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
A little lie exclaiming pleasure never hurts. It is her MIL. He MIL wants to feel like she gave them something they really enjoy. So, are we all so selfish now that we can't put ourselves out a bit to give that to another?

I'm still advocating honesty. You can appreciate the thought behind the gift (which is true) without effusing over the style (which is a lie).

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Put them on at least once when she comes to visit. Then somehow take her upstairs to show her something and then exclaim how you love the sheets. How hard it is?
Are you saying tell MIL that she loves the sheets when she hates them? Won't that just lead to more gifts she hates?
flan
As someone who received lighthouse knick knacks for YEARS, I highly advise against this. My SIL had to step in to get my MIL to stop giving them to me.

*****NOTE TO LL'S SS*****

Buy her lighthouse knick knacks!

flan

Divine Geek · Guru

I personally wouldn't want to be lied to. They can say something vauge like "thank you, we will put it to good use" and leave off "as a picnic blanket"

Ohfour · Hooker

My mil does this. She makes the horrible knick knacks at the senior citizen center and send them to us. She also made entire dining room accessories, runner, place mats, napkins, curtain tie backs, out of a horrible rose pattern....we have all of it in a tub and when she comes, (only once or twice a year) I put all of it out and display it...

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Ohfour wrote:
My mil does this. She makes the horrible knick knacks at the senior citizen center and send them to us. She also made entire dining room accessories, runner, place mats, napkins, curtain tie backs, out of a horrible rose pattern....we have all of it in a tub and when she comes, (only once or twice a year) I put all of it out and display it...

It would be a tragedy for your cats to attack it...shred it to bits, I bet... evileye

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
A little lie exclaiming pleasure never hurts. It is her MIL. He MIL wants to feel like she gave them something they really enjoy. So, are we all so selfish now that we can't put ourselves out a bit to give that to another?
I'm still advocating honesty. You can appreciate the thought behind the gift (which is true) without effusing over the style (which is a lie).
flan

"Honesty" is the new excuse to run rough shod over other people's feelings. I HATE it! IT sucks! It is the ugliest thing I have ever seen and makes me want to hurl chunks to look at it! Oh I am just being "honest". Uh huh. evileye

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
A little lie exclaiming pleasure never hurts. It is her MIL. He MIL wants to feel like she gave them something they really enjoy. So, are we all so selfish now that we can't put ourselves out a bit to give that to another?
I'm still advocating honesty. You can appreciate the thought behind the gift (which is true) without effusing over the style (which is a lie).
flan
"Honesty" is the new excuse to run rough shod over other people's feelings. I HATE it! IT sucks! It is the ugliest thing I have ever seen and makes me want to hurl chunks to look at it! Oh I am just being "honest". Uh huh.

You know it is possible to be honest AND tactful!

flan

Ohfour · Hooker

I have dedicated guest room. I would put the sheets and duvet on that bed when mil comes over

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

But, yes, you can say a Thank you without going over the top too. But isn't the relationship and how you make her feel more important than a set of sheets? I mean you want to set a good tone right off the bat don't you? Then, over the years, as people get more comfortable with one another you can say "oh, I am no longer collecting light houses anymore". I have enjoyed my collection but now moving on to other things. I think it depends on the nature of the relationship and comfort.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
But, yes, you can say a Thank you without going over the top too. But isn't the relationship and how you make her feel more important than a set of sheets? I mean you want to set a good tone right off the bat don't you? Then, over the years, as people get more comfortable with one another you can say "oh, I am no longer collecting light houses anymore". I have enjoyed my collection but now moving on to other things. I think it depends on the nature of the relationship and comfort.

Except I NEVER collected lighthouses! LOL! I had a picture hanging on my wall that included a lighthouse so she thought I liked lighthouses. I liked the picture, not the lighthouse!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Ha, ha. But, you have to give her credit for taking note of that and thinking that you would really enjoy that. It is sweet really. And, in a sense you were collecting them because they were given to you and you did indeed have a collection so that isn't a lie.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

With DH and the kids, we can buy stuff and then we can tell each other, oh that isn't really for me, etc. And, that's fine. But, with someone else I don't have such a close relationship, I think that not hurting their feelings would be more important than getting what I wanted. Amongst ourselves, that doesnt' bother us.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Divine Geek wrote:
I personally wouldn't want to be lied to. They can say something vauge like "thank you, we will put it to good use" and leave off "as a picnic blanket"

My mother buys me jewelry every year for my bday. Always something she has found at a crafts fair. To her credit, it's decent stuff, just not my taste. She always complains that she picked out something not right for me or how the chain should be no so flimsy, etc. I always tell her how wrong she is and that the piece is so pretty.

Whenitrains · Member

The DH may know how his mother will react if told they don't like the gift. MIL may be resentful and angry and not buy them anything again and then dil will complain about that too.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

I'd put it in the guest room.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Southern_Belle wrote:
I'd put it in the guest room.

The guest room is where all unwanted linens and knick knacks belong!

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Ha, ha. But, you have to give her credit for taking note of that and thinking that you would really enjoy that. It is sweet really. And, in a sense you were collecting them because they were given to you and you did indeed have a collection so that isn't a lie.

Which is why I always said thank you and took the gift graciously. But I never gushed.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

The OP needs to realize how much worse she could have it - MIL-wise. A present that isn't her taste is like a -2 on the MIL Scale of Horrors.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

People really have no idea how to accept gifts any longer.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yes.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

lilyofcourse wrote:
People really have no idea how to accept gifts any longer.

Then why do people list preferences for Secret Santa?

You're allergic to peanut butter? Too bad, I'm sending you Reese's cups.

You don't have pierced ears? Too bad...

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

There is a big difference between asking someone for their preferences and whiny ass people who only care about themselves and what they Get.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
There is a big difference between asking someone for their preferences and whiny ass people who only care about themselves and what they Get.

Frankly, if I'm spending money on a gift for someone, I don't want it gathering dust in a closet.

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
There is a big difference between asking someone for their preferences and whiny ass people who only care about themselves and what they Get.

And then there are those who only care about themselves and what they want to give.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Most people giving a gift are trying to give a nice gift. Remember even God used the Bible story about giving your kid a fish or a rock.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

When giving a gift I think about the person. I think about the things they like. What they wear and hobbies they have.

I have gone so far as to out right ask what someone wants.

I have no problem with registries and letting people know about them.

when I give someone something I want them to truly enjoy it. Even if it is something I would never buy for myself.

The gift isn't about me and what I want the to have. It is about them and what they would truly want.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

And there is an art to accepting something graciously, even if you don't like it.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

It's funny because if we give something to our kids and they aren't gracious we get mad. But other adults , oh ok.

Honeys_Mom · Mod & Permanent Board Sweetheart

flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Put them on at least once when she comes to visit. Then somehow take her upstairs to show her something and then exclaim how you love the sheets. How hard it is?
Are you saying tell MIL that she loves the sheets when she hates them? Won't that just lead to more gifts she hates?
flan
As someone who received lighthouse knick knacks for YEARS, I highly advise against this. My SIL had to step in to get my MIL to stop giving them to me.
*****NOTE TO LL'S SS*****
Buy her lighthouse knick knacks!
flan

Because it goes well with Czech's tea.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
It's funny because if we give something to our kids and they aren't gracious we get mad. But other adults , oh ok.

No...it isn't ok when other adult are not gracious. I think they are jerks too and I am much less likely to go out of my way for them or spend a lot on them in the future.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I don't see what the big deal of an ugly comforter is. I have several extra comforters that never make it to the bed. They're great for pallets if the kids have friends over, throwing on a mattress when a kid throws up in the middle of the night, making a bed on a sofa for a guest, and mostly for covering the back seat of the car when we take puke doggy dog for a ride to the vet. Just because I don't actively use them on a bed doesn't mean they aren't useful. A simple, "Thank you, it's always nice to have an extra comforter around." is all you need to say. You don't have to gush over it. If MIL asks where the comforter is when she comes over you can tactfully say, "We prefer more subdued or plain colors. But we always keep the other near just in case. Having an extra one really comes in handy." I wouldn't be hurt if someone told me that.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I put one down in the car when DD was wearing her all white 1st communion dress. And again when DD had her all white graduation gown.

But this is a new bride. She has no idea about these things. Lol

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Mellow Momma wrote:
I put one down in the car when DD was wearing her all white 1st communion dress. And again when DD had her all white graduation gown.

But this is a new bride. She has no idea about these things. Lol

Yes. Like you said, -2 on the MIL scale. MIL didn't get drunk at her wedding and call her a wh0re. She didn't try to manipulate things. Seems to like her. My gosh her worst sin is she has bad taste. New bride needs to get a clue.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Right? She didn't try and pay her son to NOT marry her, she didn't get drunk and hit on the bride's dad, or mom. She could have skipped the wedding altogether to go parasailing with her new boyfriend, she could have taken offense at the menu and stormed off during the dinner, or stolen the envelopes from the gift table. She could have given the new bride a book on manners! Lol

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Mellow Momma wrote:
Right? She didn't try and pay her son to NOT marry her, she didn't get drunk and hit on the bride's dad, or mom. She could have skipped the wedding altogether to go parasailing with her new boyfriend, she could have taken offense at the menu and stormed off during the dinner, or stolen the envelopes from the gift table. She could have given the new bride a book on manners! Lol

EXACTLY!!

huskerbb · Guru

Bet that isn't the only thing about/of her MIL she hates.

FNW · Guru

I would just use it on the bed in the guest room.