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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Carolyn: Gluten Free Boyfriend is Irritating
Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Carolyn: Gluten Free Boyfriend is Irritating
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Dear Carolyn:

I have been dating a smart, funny, interesting, handsome, caring man for eight months. I could see myself sharing a life with this guy . . . except for one thing.

Carolyn Hax started her advice column in 1997, after five years as a copy editor and news editor in Style and none as a therapist. The column includes cartoons by "relationship cartoonist" Nick Galifianakis -- Carolyn's ex-husband -- and appears in over 200 newspapers. View Archive

As far as I can tell, my boyfriend is gluten-free by choice: He has never been diagnosed with celiac disease. He argues that cutting out gluten from his life put an end to his stomach upsets. To his credit, he is flexible about his dietary choices; for example, he doesn’t demand that we go to restaurants that have a gluten-free menu.

The reason his gluten-free lifestyle troubles me so much, besides the logistical problems his diet might pose if we ever live together, is that I do have serious dietary restrictions. I am on medication due to a heart condition and have to monitor my intake of foods that interfere with the medication. I hate not being able to eat with the same freedom I enjoyed before, and I am resentful of anyone who I perceive makes up a health condition or adheres to dietary restrictions that seem unnecessary.

I want this relationship to move forward, but I am finding it really difficult to move past the gluten-free issue. Am I being irrational? What should I do?

 

M.

If he were resentful of anyone who declared that health issues handled outside a doctor’s office are “made up,” I’d back him completely.

We’re the ones who live in our bodies and we’re the ones who eat or don’t eat certain foods. Why can’t we be treated as experts in how our own bodies feel after eating said foods? I haven’t had red wine in years — not because a doctor told me not to, but because my headaches did. I wouldn’t appreciate having someone point out that my way of dealing with this wasn’t valid without a formal diagnosis.

I’d get over that pretty quickly, though. What would stick with me is bemusement that someone even cares what I choose to eat or drink, or not, or why — especially when I’m not killing myself or others with my choices, and when I’m careful not to inconvenience anyone else.

It’s a deal-breaker if he prioritizes his belly upset over your heart condition, of course. And if he resists, questions, minimizes or undermines your diet restrictions — [ahem] — then he nominates himself for the “do not date” list. Same goes if he uses his own circumstances as the sole lens through which he judges others. [Ahem.]

Sometimes, too, people use food fussiness as a means of calling attention to themselves. Any of these could explain why someone’s choices get under your skin.

When people merely find what works for them, however? We owe them respect. Even if you think their adaptation is a mere hangnail compared with yours.

 

So if he’s genuinely decent, your inability to get past this would be worth a good think. What’s going on in your own mind — and sense of justice — to make you care so much whether he eats a roll? Is your resentment perhaps valid, but misplaced on him?

With any luck, your inventory will unveil the senselessness of pushing a smart, funny, handsome, caring person out of your life for an eating regimen that you go out of your way to note he isn’t rigid about.

about       

 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/carolyn-hax-a-mans-choice-to-be-gluten-free-irritates-his-girlfriend/2015/01/13/e232a64c-92ac-11e4-ba53-a477d66580ed_story.html.

 

 

 



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huskerbb


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It's been scientifically proven that "gluten-free" is nonsense. Just came out a couple of weeks ago. Don't have time right now to find the article.

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Lawyerlady


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I think if this really bothers her - he is not the guy for her. To nitpick something like a person's food choices is just an indicator of deeper issues.

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Lawyerlady wrote:

I think if this really bothers her - he is not the guy for her. To nitpick something like a person's food choices is just an indicator of deeper issues.

 This...yes, when someone picks up fad information, then declares that they feel better (which is usually just the placebo effect) it can be annoying. But I think this is more than his issues, it's hers because she is still struggling with her dietary restrictions.

 



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huskerbb


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It's not "nit-picking". It would be a pain in the ass--especially if it's not an actual allergy or medical condition.

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huskerbb wrote:

It's not "nit-picking". It would be a pain in the ass--especially if it's not an actual allergy or medical condition.

 Yes, it is when she freely admits he's flexible about it and doesn't require then to go to specific restaurants and such.  It's not like he's demanding she eat like he does.

 

Everybody has things they were rather or rather not eat.  He says eating gluten free makes him feel better -who is she to argue with that?



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huskerbb


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They likely won't dine out all the time if they move in together. It's a pain. Having to keep certain foods, making certain foods, or not. Even having to know what "gluten free" even is. Not worth it.

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huskerbb wrote:

They likely won't dine out all the time if they move in together. It's a pain. Having to keep certain foods, making certain foods, or not. Even having to know what "gluten free" even is. Not worth it.

 Gluten free is not that difficult.  I find it much easier to accomodate than dairy free or low carb, for example. If this bothers her so much, she needs to move on. If he wants to avoid gluten, that is his choice.



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Lexxy


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I kinda see her point of view, except that she also has a restricted diet. When I started dating agin & doing the online thing I thought one guy was a vegeatrian & that would have been a deal breaker for me. He wasn't but ultimately our eating habits were a part of the reason it didn't work out.

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Southern_Belle


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Gluten free is easy. Meats, fruits, veggies. I wouldn't want to date a vegetarian because I am going to eat meat and enjoy it!

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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The problem with people on diets is that some of them expect everyone else to be on their diet or to accommodate their diet. My son was diagnosed with celiac's. He had an EGD with intestinal biopsy which is the "gold" standard to diagnose it. And, at first I felt sorry for him. And, of course I am not going to stock the house with all his favorite foods he can no longer eat. But, I told him , that he has to realize that this is HIS issue. And, no, the family and his brother and sister do not have to eat the same diet. Everybody has issues to deal with and that was his. So, he had to find a way to eat, plan his meals if he was going out and so forth and that it was not anyone's responsibility except for his. Of course, I bought gluten free foods, taught him what things were gluten free and so forth. But ultimately you have to own it. And, nobody really wants to hear why anyone eats anything.

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

The problem with people on diets is that some of them expect everyone else to be on their diet or to accommodate their diet. My son was diagnosed with celiac's. He had an EGD with intestinal biopsy which is the "gold" standard to diagnose it. And, at first I felt sorry for him. And, of course I am not going to stock the house with all his favorite foods he can no longer eat. But, I told him , that he has to realize that this is HIS issue. And, no, the family and his brother and sister do not have to eat the same diet. Everybody has issues to deal with and that was his. So, he had to find a way to eat, plan his meals if he was going out and so forth and that it was not anyone's responsibility except for his. Of course, I bought gluten free foods, taught him what things were gluten free and so forth. But ultimately you have to own it. And, nobody really wants to hear why anyone eats anything.

 The bolded is the foundation of the problem for me.  As for the LW, seems as though she thinks you should have a special diet only if it is medically necessary.  That is as bad as someone wanting everyone to accommodate your special diet.



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Southern_Belle wrote:

Gluten free is easy. Meats, fruits, veggies. I wouldn't want to date a vegetarian because I am going to eat meat and enjoy it!

 I love veggies BUT meat is awesome!



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flan327


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

The problem with people on diets is that some of them expect everyone else to be on their diet or to accommodate their diet. My son was diagnosed with celiac's. He had an EGD with intestinal biopsy which is the "gold" standard to diagnose it. And, at first I felt sorry for him. And, of course I am not going to stock the house with all his favorite foods he can no longer eat. But, I told him , that he has to realize that this is HIS issue. And, no, the family and his brother and sister do not have to eat the same diet. Everybody has issues to deal with and that was his. So, he had to find a way to eat, plan his meals if he was going out and so forth and that it was not anyone's responsibility except for his. Of course, I bought gluten free foods, taught him what things were gluten free and so forth. But ultimately you have to own it. And, nobody really wants to hear why anyone eats anything.

 Except for ME...then everyone wants to know!

biggrin

flan



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Gluten free is really pretty easy. Though gluten FREE is total bunk. Nobody is gluten FREE. You can be gluten reduced but everyone is ingesting some gluten along the way. It hides in all kinds of things.
But, yeah, the diet is fruit, veggies, meat, dairy, eggs, nuts. And, the only real issue is finding a bread/snack/cake substitute and pasta substitute. For bread, we did Bob's red mill GF. For snacks, lays potato chips are just chips and oil, no gluten. For cookies and cakes, Pamela's made really good cookie mixes. And, then we bought hamburger GF rolls for hamburgers. The other thing is pasta and you can use corn pasta or rice pasta. Rice pasta tends to disintegrate. Corn tortillas are good.

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Gluten Free is a fad if you have no diagnosis. I mean if you want to go GF just because have at it but there is no research to prove that it dramatically affects your life. It IS a problem if you've been diagnosed as gluten intolerant. My son has gluten sensitivity. It's really not that hard. Corn tortillas at a restaurant instead of flour. Potatoes are fine. Rice is fine. We have two issues. Bread and pasta. I make my own GF bread now though. He likes it because he can take sandwiches when he needs to have a lunch on the go. And have found good brands of GF pasta. Everyone in the family is fine with the GF bread and pasta. I just switched over altogether for everyone. Just because it was easier, not because it was better for us. Otherwise you know the things to stay away from. Breaded meats and things like breaded onion rings. Most fried foods because they are dredged in flour first. It's really not that hard.

She sounds like she has the issue. Sounds like she thinks she should be the only one allowed to have a special diet.

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

Gluten Free is a fad if you have no diagnosis. I mean if you want to go GF just because have at it but there is no research to prove that it dramatically affects your life. It IS a problem if you've been diagnosed as gluten intolerant. My son has gluten sensitivity. It's really not that hard. Corn tortillas at a restaurant instead of flour. Potatoes are fine. Rice is fine. We have two issues. Bread and pasta. I make my own GF bread now though. He likes it because he can take sandwiches when he needs to have a lunch on the go. And have found good brands of GF pasta. Everyone in the family is fine with the GF bread and pasta. I just switched over altogether for everyone. Just because it was easier, not because it was better for us. Otherwise you know the things to stay away from. Breaded meats and things like breaded onion rings. Most fried foods because they are dredged in flour first. It's really not that hard.

She sounds like she has the issue. Sounds like she thinks she should be the only one allowed to have a special diet.

 I agree with the last sentence. She sounds like a PITA. Is no one besides her allowed to have issues? 

 

And maybe, he does feel a difference when he goes GF. Maybe it isnt a medical diagnosis, but he notices a difference. She doesn't live in his body, she doesn't know how he feels. And why doesn't she want him to feel his best?



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Why does what he eats affects what she eats? I would think him eating more healthy would be a benefit not something to gripe about.

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Lawyerlady


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Why does what he eats affects what she eats? I would think him eating more healthy would be a benefit not something to gripe about.

 Because SHE wants to be the only one with a special diet.  He's stealing her diet thunder.



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Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Why does what he eats affects what she eats? I would think him eating more healthy would be a benefit not something to gripe about.

 Because SHE wants to be the only one with a special diet.  He's stealing her diet thunder.

 I think LL hit the nail right on the head.  She wants the sympathy.



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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Why does what he eats affects what she eats? I would think him eating more healthy would be a benefit not something to gripe about.

 Because SHE wants to be the only one with a special diet.  He's stealing her diet thunder.

 I think LL hit the nail right on the head.  She wants the sympathy.

 But I want to be special!



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Nobody Just Nobody


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I'm more special because my preferences are real and yours are just fake.

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Southern_Belle


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Noooo, I'm special because I just am!! How dare you think you are more special than ME!

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I was special first!

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Southern_Belle


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No, I was. I'm older!

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I'm prettier!

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hummmpffff!

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I'm married! Wait, I'm not sure that's a plus...  biggrin



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I'm single!!

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