TOTALLY GEEKED!

Well, part of growing up is learning that your parents are flawed people and that you dont' necessarily have to agree with all of their choices either.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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Everybody is a hypocrite LL about something.

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 Yes.  However, this is kinda a special kind, don't you think? 

I think it goes beyond hypocrite. How about immoral and disgusting?

I am not sure just what she means by "swingers" and by "a strict Christian home." If the home was, in fact, a little too strict (as in some small sects) then almost anything could be interpreted as being a "swinger" If she means swingers to mean  exchanging partners, well. whoa there. Bad news.

-- Edited by karl271 on Wednesday 21st of January 2015 09:19:45 PM

Could it be they decided later, after teaching their kids that "strict Christian home" lifestyle, that it wasn't for them?

I also wonder, is the LW sure it's swinging, is it possible it could be polygamy? Polygamy is actually Biblically sanctioned, so that wouldn't necessarily have to be in conflict with a "strict Christian home". There are a lot of people that don't understand the difference between polyamory/polygamy and swinging, so it's easily possible LW was confused.

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Doesn't matter if you're violent to the kids or not. SS has told me over and over that his mom has told him no matter how many times her husband beats her she is not going to leave him because he's her soul mate. I won't even tell you the message that has sent him. But let's keep marriages together at all cost.

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 No...just make better choices! lol

Mellow Momma wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Doesn't matter if you're violent to the kids or not. SS has told me over and over that his mom has told him no matter how many times her husband beats her she is not going to leave him because he's her soul mate. I won't even tell you the message that has sent him. But let's keep marriages together at all cost.

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 No...just make better choices! lol

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WYSIWYG wrote:

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Could it be they decided later, after teaching their kids that "strict Christian home" lifestyle, that it wasn't for them?

I also wonder, is the LW sure it's swinging, is it possible it could be polygamy? Polygamy is actually Biblically sanctioned, so that wouldn't necessarily have to be in conflict with a "strict Christian home". There are a lot of people that don't understand the difference between polyamory/polygamy and swinging, so it's easily possible LW was confused.

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 I'd think they would know if they were living a polygamous lifestyle.  That involves MARRIAGE to more than one spouse.  And is illegal.  So, don't know how that would be better.  Yes, there is polygamy in the Bible - but it was a part of society then.  The Bible tells us to follow the laws of our government unless is directly goes against the word of God.  And although Polygamy is in the Bible - it is nowhere ENCOURAGED or MANDATED by God. 

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Mellow Momma wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Doesn't matter if you're violent to the kids or not. SS has told me over and over that his mom has told him no matter how many times her husband beats her she is not going to leave him because he's her soul mate. I won't even tell you the message that has sent him. But let's keep marriages together at all cost.

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 No...just make better choices! lol

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 Judging by the emoji NJN used, she certainly understood I was joking. 

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Mellow Momma wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Mellow Momma wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Doesn't matter if you're violent to the kids or not. SS has told me over and over that his mom has told him no matter how many times her husband beats her she is not going to leave him because he's her soul mate. I won't even tell you the message that has sent him. But let's keep marriages together at all cost.

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 No...just make better choices! lol

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 Judging by the emoji NJN used, she certainly understood I was joking. 

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 Yes.  And MM knew I was being sarcastic. 

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 Sarcasm is God's gift to the brilliant. 

 

At least that's what I keep telling myself. Lol

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Mellow Momma wrote:

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 Sarcasm is God's gift to the brilliant. 

 

At least that's what I keep telling myself. Lol

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 Well then!  We are two of the smartest ladies I know!

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 😝. For sure !

Honeys_Mom wrote:

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I thought "swingers" was the old-fashioned term and "lifestylers" was the new term (exchanging partners)?  What do I know - there was an article I read some time back, though.

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 Actually, according to DB and SIL, it is the "swinging lifestyle" and it usually happens at clubhouses which requires paid memberships.  DB/SIL are swingers and they attend parties.  We have talked about it with them.  We know it is not for us but wanted to understand why they are into that.  Their reasons are varied but they are happy and no longer cheat on each other.

Mellow Momma wrote:

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jlbear71 wrote:

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Honeys_Mom wrote:

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I thought "swingers" was the old-fashioned term and "lifestylers" was the new term (exchanging partners)?  What do I know - there was an article I read some time back, though.

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 Actually, according to DB and SIL, it is the "swinging lifestyle" and it usually happens at clubhouses which requires paid memberships.  DB/SIL are swingers and they attend parties.  We have talked about it with them.  We know it is not for us but wanted to understand why they are into that.  Their reasons are varied but they are happy and no longer cheat on each other.

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 They don't cheat on each other but they do have sex with other people?

Cause that sounds a lot like cheating to me. 

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         It's APPROVED cheating.

Honeys_Mom wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Mellow Momma wrote:

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jlbear71 wrote:

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Honeys_Mom wrote:

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I thought "swingers" was the old-fashioned term and "lifestylers" was the new term (exchanging partners)?  What do I know - there was an article I read some time back, though.

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 Actually, according to DB and SIL, it is the "swinging lifestyle" and it usually happens at clubhouses which requires paid memberships.  DB/SIL are swingers and they attend parties.  We have talked about it with them.  We know it is not for us but wanted to understand why they are into that.  Their reasons are varied but they are happy and no longer cheat on each other.

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 They don't cheat on each other but they do have sex with other people?

Cause that sounds a lot like cheating to me. 

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         It's APPROVED cheating.

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 Otherwise known as "Sanctioned Screwing Around"?

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 Yes.  SSA.  Different from SSI.

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Mellow Momma wrote:

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jlbear71 wrote:

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Honeys_Mom wrote:

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I thought "swingers" was the old-fashioned term and "lifestylers" was the new term (exchanging partners)?  What do I know - there was an article I read some time back, though.

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 Actually, according to DB and SIL, it is the "swinging lifestyle" and it usually happens at clubhouses which requires paid memberships.  DB/SIL are swingers and they attend parties.  We have talked about it with them.  We know it is not for us but wanted to understand why they are into that.  Their reasons are varied but they are happy and no longer cheat on each other.

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 They don't cheat on each other but they do have sex with other people?

Cause that sounds a lot like cheating to me. 

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         It's APPROVED cheating.

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 Kinda like that.  DB has issues with fidelity.  It was part of the cause of his first 2 divorces along with his alcoholism.  SIL (even tho they are technically not married) has been divorced twice.  

They do have rules in place for this.  They are not allowed to hide it from each other.  Any gathering inside the club or outside must be with together with each other.  They both have to agree to any extra partners.  Not using protection is NOT an option.  Testing is done routinely as part of the membership requirements.

I think an open marriage is a recipe for disaster. Someone is eventually going to get hurt.

It's just icky. I am intrigued by the dynamic, but, ick.

"I'd think they would know if they were living a polygamous lifestyle. That involves MARRIAGE to more than one spouse. And is illegal. So, don't know how that would be better. Yes, there is polygamy in the Bible - but it was a part of society then. The Bible tells us to follow the laws of our government unless is directly goes against the word of God. And although Polygamy is in the Bible - it is nowhere ENCOURAGED or MANDATED by God." - Lawyerlady

The daughter wouldn't necessarily know if she didn't live with them anymore. I get the feeling from the letter that the daughter is an adult. If the parents moved into Polygamy after the daughter left the house, it's entirely possible for her to not have known about it if she's not "close" (emotionally or geographically) to them. And it's only illegal if they try to get the extra marriages recognized by the state. "Handfastings" and other "commitment" ceremonies have no legal standing, but people feel just as married using them. Take the Brown's (Sister Wives, TV show) for example. Real people, real families, real four wives, only one marriage of which is legally recognized.

It was just a thought about it's possibility though, not a declaration of fact that it was the situation.

"I think an open marriage is a recipe for disaster. Someone is eventually going to get hurt." - Southern_Belle


Based on things I've seen, witnessed, and heard about in "closed" marriages, the same could be said of them too.

Some work, some don't. That applies to both "open" and "closed" marriages and relationships.

"Just because your spouse knows about it, doesn't mean it isn't cheating." - Mellow Momma

I disagree. I look at it like bluffing in poker. Telling or suggesting to your opponent your hand is better than it is, prior to the reveal, isn't cheating. It's approved of by the players of the game. In an open marriage, having extra partners is not cheating because it's approved of by the rules of the couple involved.

Mellow Momma wrote:

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WYSIWYG wrote:

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"They don't cheat on each other but they do have sex with other people?

Cause that sounds a lot like cheating to me." - Mellow Momma



Doesn't sound like it to me. Sounds like an open relationship with a blessing, by the significant other, to have other partners.

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 Just because your spouse knows about it, doesn't mean it isn't cheating. But the example given by jlbear is different because the couple isn't married. 

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BS.  Cheating automatically implies deception.  If there is no deception, it's not "cheating".  It may not be a lifestyle that you or I choose or approve of--but we don't have to practice it in our marriages, but it's not "cheating".   

aergia wrote:

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interesting thought. SO if either spouse gets a pass or even a freebie to go and have extra curricular activities it really isn't cheating.


Opens the dating world up a bit I think

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Of course not.  People can set up their relationships however they want. 

 

Really has NOTHING to do with the "dating world", whatever that means.

 

 

Lawyerlady wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Mellow Momma wrote:

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WYSIWYG wrote:

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"They don't cheat on each other but they do have sex with other people?

Cause that sounds a lot like cheating to me." - Mellow Momma



Doesn't sound like it to me. Sounds like an open relationship with a blessing, by the significant other, to have other partners.

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 Just because your spouse knows about it, doesn't mean it isn't cheating. But the example given by jlbear is different because the couple isn't married. 

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BS.  Cheating automatically implies deception.  If there is no deception, it's not "cheating".  It may not be a lifestyle that you or I choose or approve of--but we don't have to practice it in our marriages, but it's not "cheating".   

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 But it's still adultery.

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According to who? The Bible--of course it is.  We already went over that.  The Bible describes adultery as even "lust" for anyone who is not your spouse.  Pre-marital sex, living together without marriage--are also adultery.

That's not, however, as we've seen a useful definition for most people to base relationship decisions on. 

For a couple who arranges their marriage like this, they are not going to consider it adultery any more than a "normal" couple would consider watching "Magic Mike" or reading the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue as "adultery".   

Lawyerlady wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Mellow Momma wrote:

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WYSIWYG wrote:

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"They don't cheat on each other but they do have sex with other people?

Cause that sounds a lot like cheating to me." - Mellow Momma



Doesn't sound like it to me. Sounds like an open relationship with a blessing, by the significant other, to have other partners.

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 Just because your spouse knows about it, doesn't mean it isn't cheating. But the example given by jlbear is different because the couple isn't married. 

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BS.  Cheating automatically implies deception.  If there is no deception, it's not "cheating".  It may not be a lifestyle that you or I choose or approve of--but we don't have to practice it in our marriages, but it's not "cheating".   

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 But it's still adultery.

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According to who? The Bible--of course it is.  We already went over that.  The Bible describes adultery as even "lust" for anyone who is not your spouse.  Pre-marital sex, living together without marriage--are also adultery.

That's not, however, as we've seen a useful definition for most people to base relationship decisions on. 

For a couple who arranges their marriage like this, they are not going to consider it adultery any more than a "normal" couple would consider watching "Magic Mike" or reading the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue as "adultery".   

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 The DEFINITION of adultery.

a·dul·ter·y

əˈdəlt(ə)rē/

noun

noun: adultery; plural noun: adulteries

voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not his or her spouse.

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????  So what? 

 

Call it whatever you want--it's not going to make any difference to those who practice it.  You are still using the Biblical definition at the end of the day.

 

Are you saying they should divorce their spouse when they both AGREE to live this lifestyle? If not, then what do you care what they do or what to call it?