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Post Info TOPIC: How Do You Decide whether to go to someone's funeral?


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How Do You Decide whether to go to someone's funeral?
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Where do you draw the line?  Acquaintance.   Family member of someone you dont know that well, etc?  Or do u go only to the viewing and not the funeral?  Do u always send cards or flowers or make a donation?



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My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

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I do what feels right.



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Hooker

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When my mother has to go and I have to drive her...

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I usually will go to the viewing and not the funeral itself. There really isn't a line, if I'm able to I go.

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Frozen Sucks!

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I have an aversion to funerals. Thing is though, I understand how much people attending help/support those left behind. I try to go to viewings but I do not like when you are ushered to a receiving line that brings you by the casket. I don't do open caskets stemming from an awful one when I was 17. I go to family of course, family of close friends, and close friends.

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Lily has it correct. Go with what feels right. After all, it is to pay respects to the departed and offer support to the ones left behind.

Relatives you are kind of stuck with - love 'em, hate 'em - you better be at the funeral and/or wake. Friends and acquaintances - whatever you feel...

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Nothing's Impossible

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Go if you really feel like it. Send flowers if you like.

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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

I have an aversion to funerals. Thing is though, I understand how much people attending help/support those left behind. I try to go to viewings but I do not like when you are ushered to a receiving line that brings you by the casket. I don't do open caskets stemming from an awful one when I was 17. I go to family of course, family of close friends, and close friends.


Who doesn't have an aversion to funerals? 



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Ironic since today we attended the funeral services for DH's uncle (MIL's younger brother). Uncle Dan was a good man who loved his family as much as they loved him.

This morning I also read the obituary for one of my mom's first cousins. I will not be attending his services. First, we were not close at all. Second, he asked a rather forward question at my grandfather's funeral about something that was "promised" to him. Said item was never promised to him (it was to my mother tho and would remain with the complete collection).

That said, it depends on how close I was to the person or their family. I do not send flowers. I do give a card most of the time. I make a donation depending on the closeness of the person.



-- Edited by jlbear71 on Thursday 29th of January 2015 08:26:33 PM

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My new thing is no calling hours, just the funeral. And no lunch after. I did show at my SIL's mom calling hours. My SIL and myself laughed away that I showed up. I loved her Mom. They figured out she would call me here at work just to chat. She was great.

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Funeral for family, and friends. Around here, for acquaintances and good customers, we go to the viewing but not the funeral. Mostly the funerals are during our business hours, but the viewing we can do on the way home (only one major funeral home here) and wearing business attire.

For family, friends and long time customers, we send flowers, or make an appropriate memorial contribution.

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My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

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Never heard of no call hours.

I think about a week after the funeral and burial is when people need that visit or that phone call.

I hate going to the funeral home. So I avoid it when I can.

If they are blood and someone I actually know and had a relationship with or their immediate family, then I will go to the viewing.

If they are someone I am bonded with I go to the funeral.

If I wouldn't know them or their family at the grocery store even though they are family, then I don't go to either.

The one I have talked about having the runway just across the ball field from me passed away about 2 weeks ago. I didn't go to either the viewing or the funeral.

My parents, who actually had a relationship with them, were in Florida and my brother, who lives in a house that was bought for him by this man, did not come.

The man wouldn't know me if I had stood in his living room. I didn't feel the need to go. But my brother should have made a trip to come.



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On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

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I normally go to all funerals related to our actual church members, and then people I KNOW - not acquaintances, usually, unless I'm very close with an immediate family member.

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Whenever someone's relative dies at my office, they publish funeral information and take up a collection. I've only attended one, the mother of a co-worker that I talk to quite a bit. And I didn't go to the funeral, I went to the viewing. It made her feel good.

I have donated when the co-worker loses a child or spouse.

I have lost a MIL and several aunts & uncles but I usually keep it to myself. Then again, all of the funerals have been out of state, and their death did not affect me financially.

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will go if they are known to us and we care about them--have been to a very few that were strictly a matter of honor, where because of who they were or what they did / happened to them, was necessary to honor them / their memory / their sacrifice

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I don't go if they're still alive. It just doesn't feel right.

 



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Frozen Sucks!

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Opinions please. The mother of my neighbor and a friend passed. The funeral is a couple states away tomorrow so I of course won't be attending. She died with Alzheimers. I will donate to the foundation (a request in the obit). But I would like to send flowers. I'm thinking of sending a nice spring like bouquet to my friend when she gets home, but do you think I should send them to the funeral home instead?

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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

Opinions please. The mother of my neighbor and a friend passed. The funeral is a couple states away tomorrow so I of course won't be attending. She died with Alzheimers. I will donate to the foundation (a request in the obit). But I would like to send flowers. I'm thinking of sending a nice spring like bouquet to my friend when she gets home, but do you think I should send them to the funeral home instead?


I think it's nice to send flowers to the home afterwards. Makes the going home a little more bearable.

 



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Itty bitty's Grammy

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Blankie wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

Opinions please. The mother of my neighbor and a friend passed. The funeral is a couple states away tomorrow so I of course won't be attending. She died with Alzheimers. I will donate to the foundation (a request in the obit). But I would like to send flowers. I'm thinking of sending a nice spring like bouquet to my friend when she gets home, but do you think I should send them to the funeral home instead?


I think it's nice to send flowers to the home afterwards. Makes the going home a little more bearable.

 


 Yes, I agree.

flan



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Frozen Sucks!

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Flan glad you responded. The neighborhood book club read a book last year that had flowers in the title. Throughout the book, different types of flowers and their meaning were describe. Do you know which book I am talking about? If so, do you know the flower for friendship?

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Itty bitty's Grammy

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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

Flan glad you responded. The neighborhood book club read a book last year that had flowers in the title. Throughout the book, different types of flowers and their meaning were describe. Do you know which book I am talking about? If so, do you know the flower for friendship?


 There is a website called "The Language of Flowers."

It looks like yellow rose = joy or friendship, and chrysanthemums in general = you're a wonderful friend.

Hope that helps.

flan



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Frozen Sucks!

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flan327 wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

Flan glad you responded. The neighborhood book club read a book last year that had flowers in the title. Throughout the book, different types of flowers and their meaning were describe. Do you know which book I am talking about? If so, do you know the flower for friendship?


 There is a website called "The Language of Flowers."

It looks like yellow rose = joy or friendship, and chrysanthemums in general = you're a wonderful friend.

Hope that helps.

flan


 WOw, I think that is the name of the book!  Thanks!



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Itty bitty's Grammy

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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
flan327 wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

Flan glad you responded. The neighborhood book club read a book last year that had flowers in the title. Throughout the book, different types of flowers and their meaning were describe. Do you know which book I am talking about? If so, do you know the flower for friendship?


 There is a website called "The Language of Flowers."

It looks like yellow rose = joy or friendship, and chrysanthemums in general = you're a wonderful friend.

Hope that helps.

flan


 WOw, I think that is the name of the book!  Thanks!


 I thought it might be!

flan



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