As Valentine’s Day approaches the more considerate among you will naturally already have ordered the gift you know your loved one wants above all else: that must-have cast of your anus, immortalized in solid bronze.
But those of you who can’t quite afford the £1200 fee ($1800) for the “bespoke casting service” need not despair. The same British company which does hand-made bronze buttholes also offers a much more affordable range of anally themed confectionary — made, of course, from the finest Belgian chocolate.
Oh, and it’s OK. You needn’t be embarrassed by any of this. The products have been endorsed by Cosmopolitan, in a charming online featurette sensitively headlined “Not Sure What To Get Him For Valentine’s Day? How About A Chocolate Butthole.” So that must mean these things are not just tasteful and fashionable but also a sign that you are still in the young persons’ game, fully comfortable with your sexuality.
The company is called (obviously) Edible Anus and, according to its website, was born in 2006 when a London artist, Magnus Irvin, made a range of bottom-related, multi-coloured chocolates for an exhibition. There he formed a partnership with Mr Ritzema, a “tall man of Dutch descent”.
And the model for that chocolate anus? I’m so glad you asked. Here’s how the website tells the happy story.
Initially Mr Irvin tried to cast his own anus with messy and disastrous results. Whilst explaining his failure to a chance aquaintance at a bus stop he was gratified to find that his fellow bus passenger was willing to allow him to cast her anus. The job was done in just over half an hour later that afternoon and all subsequent anuses have been based on this casting. It is a matter of interest that the person who kindly donated her service has no idea that her anus has now gone global.
