We have called Adult Protective Services for her twice. She refused their assist.
The sister is handling her money, by consent. She makes the trip from a neighboring state 1 x month.
Her ne'er do well son has taken major 'loans' (>100,000)to buy his dream house
He then charged her for the furniture in 'her room' in dream castle.

She has been told by a neurologist a psychiatrist and the police to stop driving.
She had someone help her give her leased car back.
She does not make any hot meals (except for microwave) as all cooking handles have been removed.

Neurologist told her she should NOT live alone.

For past 8 months sonny boy has been promising to being her to his castle in Florida.
After one visit, son's wife has declared she must live on her own in Fla. ANd she cannot be left alone with the two young grandchildren.

Why is she living alone? Because we (Apartment community) cannot come up with a better option. We've spoken with Sonny Boy we have spoken with Sister. They she her for very brief periods. They think there is no problem. We have spoken (HIPAA laws be dammed) with both her neurologist and her primary doctor. We spoke, they listened.

We are all open to other solutions, please feel free to help suggest other alternatives.

(Edited)

-- Edited by aergia on Sunday 1st of February 2015 11:13:32 AM

How can she refuse APS? If CPS came for my kids, could I refuse them? Strange. I never knew they could refuse.

Well, as terrible as it is, I think you have done all you can. It seems to me that she shouldn't be living on her own. But if she is, then she must be able to consent.

It would bother me too. It's a disaster waiting to happen.

Define disaster?
APS are bound by rules. If the adult is coherent enough to refuse services, APS has to abide by the adults decision.
I believe the children will have to declare their mother incompetent and two doctors have to sign an affidavit for the court to decide. That's the rule in our state, I don't know what NY rule is on elder competency rulings.
We also called APS for an elderly neighbor due to his lack of self care. We got no where, he refused services as well. It was another two years before he reached the point that a guardian had to be appointed for him thru the court system. He is now in a nursing home and doing much better. He is not ever going to be capable of caring for himself again. He's 83 now.
I know it doesn't sound right, but she still gets to make decisions for herself without interference from the court or her children or her neighbors.
Until she becomes a danger to herself or her neighbors, there isn't much anyone can do.

So, this is third person repeat of an event or two in this woman's life. Aergia, I'm sure you know what that means.

Her drama is not your drama or theirs.

Well, I hope that someone tells her doctor to screen her for STD's.

Aaannnnd, someone with dementia can sometimes confuse in time..so maybe these "intimate" encounters may just be floating up from her younger days. Sadly, until there is some court ordered conservatorship, all you can do is what you have been doing...

Just hope there is not a fire waiting to break out in her apartment. Even with 2 smoke alarms in her apartment, I would be concerned.... But, it seems you can do nothing....

If she is recounting theses stories with glee- then I think that answers the "yes" question. Whether what she is doing is wise is another question altogether, but as an adult who has not been declared incompetent, that's her choice. Both her neurologist and primary doctor have heard your concerns, and either of them have the ability to declare her incompetent, and then the family and family services would have to listen - but the doctors have not done so, yet. So, I don't think there is anything you can do.