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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Miss Manners: Do I have to Pretend to Like Kids?
Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Miss Manners: Do I have to Pretend to Like Kids?
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a woman who, as comedienne Margaret Cho once put it, ovulates sand. I am not an evil witch who eats children; I just do not possess the enthusiasm for children, and the stories that accompany them, that others do -- especially, to be honest, other women.

The issue is that my femininity seems to make other people assume that I am baby-crazy. With friends, even those with children, this is mostly not a problem -- I go to movies with the adults, but don't receive invitations to their kids' birthday parties, which is fine with me.

But with others, I often find myself with a smartphone suddenly shoved under my nose, a picture of an unknown newborn on it, while the holder of said phone stares expectantly at me, waiting for the appropriate cooing.

I am a horrible actress. I can't perform, least of all under that pressure, and unfortunately saying, "Oh, good for her!" in a pleasant tone doesn't seem to be good enough, judging by the silent wait that follows.

If I do manage to squeak out a "Cute!" it comes off as obviously forced. The air may look clear when the mother finally scuttles off, but the condemnation hangs heavily.

I have had a baby plopped into my lap at a gathering without even being aware that it was being passed around -- and again the hopeful stares came. I have been introduced to small, barely verbal children at parties, and then found myself purposefully left semi-alone with them to talk/entertain them while the parent or grandma watches me stumble through, awkwardly pretending to converse, her smile gradually morphing into a frown as I fail to deliver. I am trying to work on my ability to fake interest, but frankly it's not going well. My talent for insincerity has sadly never been great.

I personally find it rude to expect others to stock the pond when one is fishing for compliments. Am I rude or are they?

http://www.uexpress.com/miss-manners/2015/2/5/sometimes-forced-enthusiasm-is-just-what

 



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Lawyerlady


On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

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So, she can't even be bothered to look at a picture of a child? Let's get something straight - all people start out as children - including this person. And kids are important to her family and friends - so she she be interested to the extent that she cares about the adults, whether she cares about the kids or not.

Now - there is absolutely NO EXCUSE for people forcing children on her lap or making her entertain them. But, the easiest thing to do is be honest and say "I'm not good with kids" and leave the situation. It's the trying to pretend that is getting the funny looks.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Sometimes in life you have to be a cheerleader for other people. When someone comes to tell you they bought a new car or something their kids did or their recent vacation, etc, then can we not at least feign happiness for others from time to time?

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lilyofcourse


My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

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I swear I have read this exact same "letter" some where else in the past.

To the OP, no. You don't have to do anything. But you do live in a world with kids. No one is saying you have to take on some form of responsibility to these kids. But being polite is never a bad thing.

And I don't know anyone who has ever shoved a kid in another's lap without a really good reason.

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Charley Harper
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The lady sounds like my sMIL. Don't like kids, fine. But being rude to anyone, including children, is not right.

I feel the same way about dogs that this woman does about children. My friends understand this, and will usually make efforts to contain their animals when I'm around. There are neighbors who don't, so I don't socialize with them more than I have to, because they are obviously not interested in being my friend when they shove their dogs in my face or my children's face completely aware of the kind of allergic reaction it triggers.

That being said, both my boys had reflux as babies. This means they spit up. A lot. So when sMIL got on my nerves, I would hand #2 off to her and watch what would happen when she jiggled him.

My point is that I agree with Lily. People don't usually shove something or someone in another's lap the recipient doesn't want unless they want to upset them.



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TrudyML


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Don't shove a kid or a dog at me.

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flan327


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TrudyML wrote:

Don't shove a kid or a dog at me.

Don't give me ideas...evileye

flan 



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TrudyML


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LOL! My sisters dog drives me crazy. Untrained.

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flan327


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TrudyML wrote:

LOL! My sisters dog drives me crazy. Untrained.

My dogs are small(ish) and cute. Oldest is 17!

flan 



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TrudyML


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This dog goes straight for your crotch. HATE THAT

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flan327


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TrudyML wrote:

This dog goes straight for your crotch. HATE THAT

Oh, hell NO!

flan 



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Lexxy


My dog name is Sasha, too!

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I feel the same as the LW. I don't interact well with babies. They make me uncomfortable & when someone hands them to me the poor baby feels my discomfort & inevitably starts to cry. I generally just say I'm sorry I'm not comfortable with babies & hand them back. Seems to work fine for me. I will look at pictures & say oh how cute a few times. Happened just recently at my friend's mother's memorial. The more or less stranger sitting next to me wanted to show me pics of her grandbaby on her phone.

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ed11563


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TrudyML wrote:

This dog goes straight for your crotch. HATE THAT

Try putting a dab of Vicks Vapo-Rub on a tissue in your underpants. 



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TrudyML


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Mm, no ed. That'll burn.

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flan327


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Steam clean it then, Trudy!!!



flan

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ed11563


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TrudyML wrote:

Mm, no ed. That'll burn.

 It doesn't have to touch your skin or the dog's nose. Be creative.

People actually DO put it on their skin. On C.S.I. and cop shows they put it on their upper lips to cover the smell of decomp.

Maybe try a bell pepper instead?

You want the dog to learn to NOT sniff your crotch. Give it an unpleasant surprise. Be creative.

 



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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.

Always misinterpret when you can.
TrudyML


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It gets a swift push away. Trust me.

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Southern_Belle


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chef


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No. Don't pretend. No one is required to like anything or anyone. However, don't be surprised if a parent is miffed at your dislike of kids - especially when they're wanting to show you a pic of their kids.

Personally, for me, I'd be more upset at someone pretending to be interested in my kid rather than just saying they're not into kids. Feigning interest would lead me to involve them in my kid's life. If I knew they weren't a kid person, I wouldn't bother them with updates.

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lilyofcourse


My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

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I love kids.

But even I get tired of all the kid pictures some times.

I also understand that when a person's kids are little, they pretty much permeate everything in that person's life.

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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.

Charley Harper
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