TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Abby:I Can't Get Over Old Flame

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

9 years later? Geez woman. Get over it.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Not everyone operates on the same schedule.

Hopefully, by acknowledging what she feels, she can start to move forward.

flan

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

flan327 wrote:
Not everyone operates on the same schedule.

Hopefully, by acknowledging what she feels, she can start to move forward.

flan

I agree. Even when your heart is ripped out and stomped on, doesn't mean you stop feeling for that person.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

She should have acknowledged her feelings nine years ago, dealt with them and moved on. It's just an excuse to play the pity me card after all this time. She's wallowing in self pity and wants validation. Grow up woman.
Two years of grieving I can understand, but no more then that.
I have no sympathy for her at all. I know that sounds harsh, but good grief, she's a grown woman and why is she giving some else so much control over her feelings? I don't get that at all.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

just Czech wrote:
She should have acknowledged her feelings nine years ago, dealt with them and moved on. It's just an excuse to play the pity me card after all this time. She's wallowing in self pity and wants validation. Grow up woman.
Two years of grieving I can understand, but no more then that.
I have no sympathy for her at all. I know that sounds harsh, but good grief, she's a grown woman and why is she giving some else so much control over her feelings? I don't get that at all.

Honestly, it sounds like she might be suffering from depression.

In any case, talk to a counselor...

flan

voiceofreason · Guru

Hmmmm. Mr.VoR moved on and married his rebound. I didn't. When he divorced, I was waiting. I get it. I just feel sad for her because I can empathize.

I wonder what I would have done had he had a baby though.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

voiceofreason wrote:
Hmmmm. Mr.VoR moved on and married his rebound. I didn't. When he divorced, I was waiting. I get it. I just feel sad for her because I can empathize.

I wonder what I would have done had he had a baby though.

You were able to deal with his choices though, the LW is not able to at least move forward with her life. IMHO, that is a huge difference in mental health.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

I completely understand & feel for her. Just recently I ran into my ex & his little girl at a memorial. We have been split for 8 years. I hadn't seen or spoken to him in 7 years. I had another relationship after him. It was still a kick in the gut seeing them. It still hurt. I have moved forward, but that doesn't mean it still can't hurt.

I hope she moves forward & meets someone special.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

I feel sad for her and hope she can figure out how to move on

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

just Czech wrote:
She should have acknowledged her feelings nine years ago, dealt with them and moved on. It's just an excuse to play the pity me card after all this time. She's wallowing in self pity and wants validation. Grow up woman.
Two years of grieving I can understand, but no more then that.
I have no sympathy for her at all. I know that sounds harsh, but good grief, she's a grown woman and why is she giving some else so much control over her feelings? I don't get that at all.

I think its a case that after a long time she found out about the marriage and baby and it drummed up the wound and that devastating feeling somewhat shocked her that it would still bother her.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

OK. So maybe get over it is harsh. Heck I am not "over" a few of my exes for different reasons.

BUT I don't allow those feelings of hurt dictate my life. You get over the initial hurt and then you learn to live with what is left. And you get on with your life.

This LW is letting something that happened 9 years ago control her.

Now I can understand being a upset with the sting of not seeing your own dreams realized. But it isn't HIS fault she hasn't dated and tried to build that dream with some one else.

Pining away for another is only romantic in the movies.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

lilyofcourse wrote:
OK. So maybe get over it is harsh. Heck I am not "over" a few of my exes for different reasons.

BUT I don't allow those feelings of hurt dictate my life. You get over the initial hurt and then you learn to live with what is left. And you get on with your life.

This LW is letting something that happened 9 years ago control her.

Now I can understand being a upset with the sting of not seeing your own dreams realized. But it isn't HIS fault she hasn't dated and tried to build that dream with some one else.

Pining away for another is only romantic in the movies.

She didn't say she had been pining for 9 years. She said that when she heard that he married and had a baby with the woman he cheated on her with she was upset. big difference. I think the news just caught her off guard.

voiceofreason · Guru

I never got over it. Hell, there are days now that the thought of him ever being married to her is like a hit in the gut....and we're married! I would say that something went terribly wrong with my world when he ended up married to someone else. Years and years of people asking when I was going to be over him and me calmly saying never. I would have relationships but I was never over him.

I just feel for her because it is literally a physical reaction that is difficult to ignore.

And yes, my pining for him was unhealthy, weird, and unfathomable to a lot of people.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
OK. So maybe get over it is harsh. Heck I am not "over" a few of my exes for different reasons.

BUT I don't allow those feelings of hurt dictate my life. You get over the initial hurt and then you learn to live with what is left. And you get on with your life.

This LW is letting something that happened 9 years ago control her.

Now I can understand being a upset with the sting of not seeing your own dreams realized. But it isn't HIS fault she hasn't dated and tried to build that dream with some one else.

Pining away for another is only romantic in the movies.
She didn't say she had been pining for 9 years. She said that when she heard that he married and had a baby with the woman he cheated on her with she was upset. big difference. I think the news just caught her off guard.

That's what I said.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

voiceofreason wrote:
I never got over it. Hell, there are days now that the thought of him ever being married to her is like a hit in the gut....and we're married! I would say that something went terribly wrong with my world when he ended up married to someone else. Years and years of people asking when I was going to be over him and me calmly saying never. I would have relationships but I was never over him.

I just feel for her because it is literally a physical reaction that is difficult to ignore.

And yes, my pining for him was unhealthy, weird, and unfathomable to a lot of people.

I'm confused VoR....... You previously were in love with your current husband & then he married someone else?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I will be honest. I have been thinking a lot about my ex lately. I cant seem to help it. I don't want anything to do with him but at the same time I cant help but thinking about the what ifs.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

lilyofcourse wrote:
I will be honest. I have been thinking a lot about my ex lately. I cant seem to help it. I don't want anything to do with him but at the same time I cant help but thinking about the what ifs.

Yeah Lily, since I ran into mine he has been on my mind more than I like. Same thing, the what ifs. There is no changing facts & no going back but that doesn't change the good stuff either.

voiceofreason · Guru

Lexxy wrote:
voiceofreason wrote:
I never got over it. Hell, there are days now that the thought of him ever being married to her is like a hit in the gut....and we're married! I would say that something went terribly wrong with my world when he ended up married to someone else. Years and years of people asking when I was going to be over him and me calmly saying never. I would have relationships but I was never over him.

I just feel for her because it is literally a physical reaction that is difficult to ignore.

And yes, my pining for him was unhealthy, weird, and unfathomable to a lot of people.
I'm confused VoR....... You previously were in love with your current husband & then he married someone else?

We were together for 5 years, broke up and he married someone else. They divorced and we got back together and got married.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

voiceofreason wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
voiceofreason wrote:
I never got over it. Hell, there are days now that the thought of him ever being married to her is like a hit in the gut....and we're married! I would say that something went terribly wrong with my world when he ended up married to someone else. Years and years of people asking when I was going to be over him and me calmly saying never. I would have relationships but I was never over him.

I just feel for her because it is literally a physical reaction that is difficult to ignore.

And yes, my pining for him was unhealthy, weird, and unfathomable to a lot of people.
I'm confused VoR....... You previously were in love with your current husband & then he married someone else?
We were together for 5 years, broke up and he married someone else. They divorced and we got back together and got married.

Well I'm glad it worked out in the end!

Bonny22Pye · Guru

I almost married someone when I was 29. We were together for about 4 years. Great guy. There was just something not right about getting married. I called it off. I still think about him and wonder how my life would have been different if we had married.

I love my husband to death and I wouldn't change a thing, but not all relationships are open/closed. There are lots of emotions involved.

I can see where the LW is coming from.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I think people spend a lot of time thinking they need to find the love of their life and they miss the love right in front of them.

For me, the love of my life was not my husband. The greatest love of my life was a short 2 years long and probably the most healthy and most rewarding relationship I have ever had. He was perfect for me in every single way. I still love that man. But we were not meant to be together. If we were, we would be.

If anyone ever asks who the love of my life was, it was him. And I am very happy to say that he is married to a nice woman, has a couple of grand kids now and seems to be truly enjoying his life.

And that is exactly what I want for him.

Ohfour · Hooker

This thread is interesting. For the past couple of weeks, I have dreamed about my high school sweetheart. I have no urge to get back together with him, but I would like to find out how he is. I know where he lives, but that's about it. I'm not going to show up at his door. I would just like to talk to him...

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I held a torch for my high school boyfriend for years. I cured myself of it by going out with him again once after not seeing him for about 6 years. It just wasn't there, anymore. I think I had idealized him, and the reality of him didn't meet up, anymore. Plus, he drank too much and you could see it in his puffy face.