TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Abby: Hubby Wants Me Available on My Cell Constantly

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

How about. Do NOT call me at work, unless there is a 911 emergency.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I'd tell him I'm shutting the cell phone OFF while I'm at work and he can call me there if it's an emergency.

My cell phone is for MY convenience, not to put me at everyone's beck and call. It's not a collar, and I'm not a dog.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Sounds as if he is controlling and has a jealousy streak.

ed11563 · Guru

I wonder what would happen if she started calling HIM 14 times a day, and yelling at him every time he didn't answer on the first ring.

A little creative jealousy might be helpful.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

Some jobs don't even allow you to carry your cell phone, like Boeing. What would he do in a case like that?

-- Edited by VetteGirl on Sunday 15th of February 2015 11:18:55 AM

aergia · Regular

probably ask to to switch jobs

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

He's a control freak and it will only get worse. She needs to get a backbone and tell him to stop it, NOW! She will have a chain around her neck forever if she doesn't. He's a freakin baby... and I don't see this marriage lasting very long.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

He's probably cheating. No one acts that crazy unless they are doing something themselves.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Turn the tables. Call and text him constantly and demand the same.

Sometimes you have to show people how they are acting.

Or she could just tell him to leave her alone at work.

The only thing worse would be for him to start calling her work number constantly.

She needs to cowgirl up.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Southern_Belle wrote:
He's probably cheating. No one acts that crazy unless they are doing something themselves.

Exactly my thought!

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

LOL!!!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

You can't be controlled if you don't let yourself be controlled. He can stomp and yell and throw a tantrum. Just turn off your phone. Sheesh lady.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
You can't be controlled if you don't let yourself be controlled. He can stomp and yell and throw a tantrum. Just turn off your phone. Sheesh lady.

I know, but she's frustrated because he's acting like a brat.

flan

ed11563 · Guru

He's probably installed a hidden app in her phone so he can see where her phone is at any time.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Of course. But when people wanna have tantrums, let them. That's on them. I just walk away,.

Divine Geek · Guru

My ex was like this. If I did not respond in what he deemed a timely manner, I would get another text along the lines of "ok, don't know who you're busy with but..." It was so frustrating. Especially at the end he was really bad. I had client meetings that would take 2-4 hours each. I would text when I was going in so he knew I was busy, and he would still send me nasty text messages. He would do it when I was home visiting my family too.

Now, it was perfectly fine for him to disappear for days. And when I would call him on it, he would make me feel guilty for bothering him. Because I "knew he was at his moms and cant get service" or I "knew he's at work and gets busy" or I knew "he needs alone time and I need to stop bothering him"

It was just another big red flag I chose to ignore. I thought I could be good enough. That he had a past and I needed to adjust MY behavior to make him feel secure. Looking back I was an idiot and should have left sooner.

I still have to deal with how that effected me. I respond almost instantly to text messages. I get really nervous if I feel my phone buzz and I can't get to it right away. Or if I get back to my desk and see a message from 20 minutes ago, I get worried the person is mad at me because I'm ignoring them.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Of course. But when people wanna have tantrums, let them. That's on them. I just walk away,.

Yep, just like when posters here start flinging the crap, just ignore them.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Of course. But when people wanna have tantrums, let them. That's on them. I just walk away,.
Yep, just like when posters here start flinging the crap, just ignore them.

WHAT?????????????

Are you ignoring me?

flan

Tignanello · My dog name is, Sasha!

This is why my phone is turned off 99% of the time. Not completely off, because then I couldn't play candy crush, but the sound is definitely off.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I don't know. Whenever I read these everyone else always says controlling manipulative abuser. I always wonder what else is going on. One bad behavior doesn't make him an abuser. My marriage has had it's ups and downs. I know people on this very board have called my DH abusive. But he's not. It's kind of a catch 22 situation. When you have a situation like this come up everyone labels the other person as an abuser and tells you to get out and get out now. Then when you divorce people tell you all the time you shouldn't have divorced and you didn't try hard enough. It's a fine line. I guess I would find out WHY he wants her to be available all the time. Is there a reason? She definitely needs to put an end to the behavior.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I don't know. Whenever I read these everyone else always says controlling manipulative abuser. I always wonder what else is going on. One bad behavior doesn't make him an abuser. My marriage has had it's ups and downs. I know people on this very board have called my DH abusive. But he's not. It's kind of a catch 22 situation. When you have a situation like this come up everyone labels the other person as an abuser and tells you to get out and get out now. Then when you divorce people tell you all the time you shouldn't have divorced and you didn't try hard enough. It's a fine line. I guess I would find out WHY he wants her to be available all the time. Is there a reason? She definitely needs to put an end to the behavior.

I agree, but it sounds like she has tried to get him to change.

flan

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I think, if it were me, I would probably tell him that I will lose my job if he calls me all day. I'd ask him if he wants me to be unemployed? I'd also tell him I refuse to answer the phone while I'm driving. Or would he rather I get in an accident?

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Oh wait. I'm supposed to be ignoring flan! biggrin

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I don't know. Whenever I read these everyone else always says controlling manipulative abuser. I always wonder what else is going on. One bad behavior doesn't make him an abuser. My marriage has had it's ups and downs. I know people on this very board have called my DH abusive. But he's not. It's kind of a catch 22 situation. When you have a situation like this come up everyone labels the other person as an abuser and tells you to get out and get out now. Then when you divorce people tell you all the time you shouldn't have divorced and you didn't try hard enough. It's a fine line. I guess I would find out WHY he wants her to be available all the time. Is there a reason? She definitely needs to put an end to the behavior.
I agree, but it sounds like she has tried to get him to change.
flan

Well, you can try. But, you don't need to make yourself crazy over it. The only behavior you can really change is your own. So, stop looking at the cell phone and stop playing his games about it. Just don't play. It really isn't that hard.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I would probably start being more annoying.

Text him everything. going to the copier, got the copies, walking to the supply room, having a kit kat, I burped, standing at the window, watching an instructional video, going to the bathroom, taking a poop.

Just completely inundate him with minute to minute information.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

flan327 wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Of course. But when people wanna have tantrums, let them. That's on them. I just walk away,.
Yep, just like when posters here start flinging the crap, just ignore them.
WHAT?????????????
Are you ignoring me?
flan

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I don't know. Whenever I read these everyone else always says controlling manipulative abuser. I always wonder what else is going on. One bad behavior doesn't make him an abuser. My marriage has had it's ups and downs. I know people on this very board have called my DH abusive. But he's not. It's kind of a catch 22 situation. When you have a situation like this come up everyone labels the other person as an abuser and tells you to get out and get out now. Then when you divorce people tell you all the time you shouldn't have divorced and you didn't try hard enough. It's a fine line. I guess I would find out WHY he wants her to be available all the time. Is there a reason? She definitely needs to put an end to the behavior.

No it isn't. A catch 22 is so different.

A requirement that cannot be met until a prerequisite requirement is met, however, the prerequisite cannot be obtained until the original requirement is met.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I don't know. Whenever I read these everyone else always says controlling manipulative abuser. I always wonder what else is going on. One bad behavior doesn't make him an abuser. My marriage has had it's ups and downs. I know people on this very board have called my DH abusive. But he's not. It's kind of a catch 22 situation. When you have a situation like this come up everyone labels the other person as an abuser and tells you to get out and get out now. Then when you divorce people tell you all the time you shouldn't have divorced and you didn't try hard enough. It's a fine line. I guess I would find out WHY he wants her to be available all the time. Is there a reason? She definitely needs to put an end to the behavior.
No it isn't. A catch 22 is so different.

A requirement that cannot be met until a prerequisite requirement is met, however, the prerequisite cannot be obtained until the original requirement is met.

Yes it is. When you are married people tell you to get out all the time. Constantly. Then when you get divorced people tell you that you shouldn't have gotten divorced. You should have tried harder. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
flan327 wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Of course. But when people wanna have tantrums, let them. That's on them. I just walk away,.
Yep, just like when posters here start flinging the crap, just ignore them.
WHAT?????????????
Are you ignoring me?
flan

NJN is talking to me...

flan

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

flan327 wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
flan327 wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Of course. But when people wanna have tantrums, let them. That's on them. I just walk away,.
Yep, just like when posters here start flinging the crap, just ignore them.
WHAT?????????????
Are you ignoring me?
flan

NJN is talking to me...
flan

I am? Must. Stop. That. biggrin

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I don't know. Whenever I read these everyone else always says controlling manipulative abuser. I always wonder what else is going on. One bad behavior doesn't make him an abuser. My marriage has had it's ups and downs. I know people on this very board have called my DH abusive. But he's not. It's kind of a catch 22 situation. When you have a situation like this come up everyone labels the other person as an abuser and tells you to get out and get out now. Then when you divorce people tell you all the time you shouldn't have divorced and you didn't try hard enough. It's a fine line. I guess I would find out WHY he wants her to be available all the time. Is there a reason? She definitely needs to put an end to the behavior.
No it isn't. A catch 22 is so different.

A requirement that cannot be met until a prerequisite requirement is met, however, the prerequisite cannot be obtained until the original requirement is met.
Yes it is. When you are married people tell you to get out all the time. Constantly. Then when you get divorced people tell you that you shouldn't have gotten divorced. You should have tried harder. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Other peoples opinions do not make for a catch 22 situation, IMHO. The LW needs to get a backbone and tell him to stop the harassing phone calls. If he persists and the behavior extends into other areas of life, he's a control freak and needs his arse dumped. People CAN tell the difference.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

just Czech wrote:

Other peoples opinions do not make for a catch 22 situation, IMHO. The LW needs to get a backbone and tell him to stop the harassing phone calls. If he persists and the behavior extends into other areas of life, he's a control freak and needs his arse dumped. People CAN tell the difference.

All I'm saying is when there is a letter like this everyone automatically jumps to the conclusion that he is an abusive controller. There may be other reasons behind him wanting to know where she is all the time. Legitimate reasons. We don't know. She didn't say that she asked him WHY he wants her available all the time. That's the first thing I'd do.

And it does matter when, IRL, people tell you the person you are with is a bad person. If you listen to them and leave then you get a whole other set of people telling you divorce is bad. You can't please people.

I definitely think she needs to put an end to this behavior. But I'd be interested to know why he wants her to be available all the time.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
just Czech wrote:

Other peoples opinions do not make for a catch 22 situation, IMHO. The LW needs to get a backbone and tell him to stop the harassing phone calls. If he persists and the behavior extends into other areas of life, he's a control freak and needs his arse dumped. People CAN tell the difference.
All I'm saying is when there is a letter like this everyone automatically jumps to the conclusion that he is an abusive controller. There may be other reasons behind him wanting to know where she is all the time. Legitimate reasons. We don't know. She didn't say that she asked him WHY he wants her available all the time. That's the first thing I'd do.
And it does matter when, IRL, people tell you the person you are with is a bad person. If you listen to them and leave then you get a whole other set of people telling you divorce is bad. You can't please people.
I definitely think she needs to put an end to this behavior. But I'd be interested to know why he wants her to be available all the time.

When she is at work? And he KNOWS she is at work? No, I don't think so. He's a control freak.

This is NOT about pleasing other people either.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I will agree to disagree. She needs to find out why he acts this way. Also, even if he is controlling over the phone issue and that's it are you going to recommend divorce just over that? Seriously? If he doesn't act douchey in any other way you think she needs to leave him? Turn off the phone. Sheesh.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

DEAR ABBY: My husband has many wonderful qualities. However, he's obsessed with my always being instantly available when he calls or texts my cellphone.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I will agree to disagree. She needs to find out why he acts this way. Also, even if he is controlling over the phone issue and that's it are you going to recommend divorce just over that? Seriously? If he doesn't act douchey in any other way you think she needs to leave him? Turn off the phone. Sheesh.

I said earlier, if this extends beyond work, he has a problem.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
DEAR ABBY: My husband has many wonderful qualities. However, he's obsessed with my always being instantly available when he calls or texts my cellphone.

She's in wub and blind. The "he's obsessed" is the clincher.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

It sounds like this behavior started recently. Not that it has been ongoing for a long time. I wonder why. Then again that's just how the letter sounds to ME. She doesn't say "This has been going on forever..." or anything like that.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

just Czech wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
DEAR ABBY: My husband has many wonderful qualities. However, he's obsessed with my always being instantly available when he calls or texts my cellphone.
She's in wub and blind. The "he's obsessed" is the clincher.

She should divorce his ass so we can all tell her she didn't pick right. She definitely should have picked better. Shame on her.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
It sounds like this behavior started recently. Not that it has been ongoing for a long time. I wonder why. Then again that's just how the letter sounds to ME. She doesn't say "This has been going on forever..." or anything like that.

I read it as this being a problem for a long time. Maybe since he allowed her to get a cell phone..

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I don't know. Whenever I read these everyone else always says controlling manipulative abuser. I always wonder what else is going on. One bad behavior doesn't make him an abuser. My marriage has had it's ups and downs. I know people on this very board have called my DH abusive. But he's not. It's kind of a catch 22 situation. When you have a situation like this come up everyone labels the other person as an abuser and tells you to get out and get out now. Then when you divorce people tell you all the time you shouldn't have divorced and you didn't try hard enough. It's a fine line. I guess I would find out WHY he wants her to be available all the time. Is there a reason? She definitely needs to put an end to the behavior.
No it isn't. A catch 22 is so different.

A requirement that cannot be met until a prerequisite requirement is met, however, the prerequisite cannot be obtained until the original requirement is met.
Yes it is. When you are married people tell you to get out all the time. Constantly. Then when you get divorced people tell you that you shouldn't have gotten divorced. You should have tried harder. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I agree NJN. People are VERY quick to rush in and tell someone "Get a divorce" as soon as there are any disagreements in marriage. Every spouse has his/her quirks and obstinant qualities. So, just because someone tells me some marital problems, doesn't mean I jump on the Get a Divorce Bandwagon. In fact, I think far too many people do this and convince people who have otherwise good marriages that somehow this instance of disagreement must mean something bigger than it is. Maybe it does or maybe it doesn't. I don't think people should be so quick to tell others to get divorced.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I don't know. Whenever I read these everyone else always says controlling manipulative abuser. I always wonder what else is going on. One bad behavior doesn't make him an abuser. My marriage has had it's ups and downs. I know people on this very board have called my DH abusive. But he's not. It's kind of a catch 22 situation. When you have a situation like this come up everyone labels the other person as an abuser and tells you to get out and get out now. Then when you divorce people tell you all the time you shouldn't have divorced and you didn't try hard enough. It's a fine line. I guess I would find out WHY he wants her to be available all the time. Is there a reason? She definitely needs to put an end to the behavior.
No it isn't. A catch 22 is so different.

A requirement that cannot be met until a prerequisite requirement is met, however, the prerequisite cannot be obtained until the original requirement is met.
Yes it is. When you are married people tell you to get out all the time. Constantly. Then when you get divorced people tell you that you shouldn't have gotten divorced. You should have tried harder. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
I agree NJN. People are VERY quick to rush in and tell someone "Get a divorce" as soon as there are any disagreements in marriage. Every spouse has his/her quirks and obstinant qualities. So, just because someone tells me some marital problems, doesn't mean I jump on the Get a Divorce Bandwagon. In fact, I think far too many people do this and convince people who have otherwise good marriages that somehow this instance of disagreement must mean something bigger than it is. Maybe it does or maybe it doesn't. I don't think people should be so quick to tell others to get divorced.

Thank you. That's what I was trying to say!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I have seen some really good marriages breakup over women who go sobbing off to their girlfriends. Then, the girlfriends think they are being supportive to tell her what a horrid beast he is and how she shouldn't have to "take that' and "kick him to the curb" and all that. When she does, she's alone, the girlfriends pat her on the back and go home to their husbands and she's left to pick up the pieces.
Yes, some marriages should absolutely end. But, to blow up the spouses actions as the Worst Thing in the World and then when we do something similar it's just a shrug.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Catch 22 is if you are crazy enough to fight that war you and you are good with that you should get an exemption to not have to fight and you can get out but don't want to. However if you know you don't want to fight but are fit you can't get out.

A catch-22 is a paradoxical situation from which an individual cannot escape because of contradictory rules.[1][2] Catch-22s often result from rules, regulations, or procedures that an individual is subject to but has no control over because to fight the rule is to accept it. Another example is a situation in which someone is in need of something that can only be had by not being in need of it. One connotation of the term is that the creators of the "catch-22" have created arbitrary rules in order to justify and conceal their own abuse of power.

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I have seen some really good marriages breakup over women who go sobbing off to their girlfriends. Then, the girlfriends think they are being supportive to tell her what a horrid beast he is and how she shouldn't have to "take that' and "kick him to the curb" and all that. When she does, she's alone, the girlfriends pat her on the back and go home to their husbands and she's left to pick up the pieces.
Yes, some marriages should absolutely end. But, to blow up the spouses actions as the Worst Thing in the World and then when we do something similar it's just a shrug.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Fort Worth Mom wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I have seen some really good marriages breakup over women who go sobbing off to their girlfriends. Then, the girlfriends think they are being supportive to tell her what a horrid beast he is and how she shouldn't have to "take that' and "kick him to the curb" and all that. When she does, she's alone, the girlfriends pat her on the back and go home to their husbands and she's left to pick up the pieces.
Yes, some marriages should absolutely end. But, to blow up the spouses actions as the Worst Thing in the World and then when we do something similar it's just a shrug.

WTF? I thought it was just the links! This is what I see from FWM. NOTHING!

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

I started a reply to that thread, and thought better of it,NJN.

I didn't post it. Why it showed up as a blank reply, is beyond me. confuse

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Fort Worth Mom wrote:
I started a reply to that thread, and thought better of it,NJN.
I didn't post it. Why it showed up as a blank reply, is beyond me.

Oh good! I'm not losing my mind!

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Fort Worth Mom wrote:
I started a reply to that thread, and thought better of it,NJN.
I didn't post it. Why it showed up as a blank reply, is beyond me.
Oh good! I'm not losing my mind!

Nope! You're good! wink