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totallygeeked -> totallygeeked general -> Dear Miss Manners: Why Should i have to Share My Birthday with my Grandchild
Post Info TOPIC: Dear Miss Manners: Why Should i have to Share My Birthday with my Grandchild
Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Miss Manners: Why Should i have to Share My Birthday with my Grandchild
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband's daughter had her first child on my birthday. I'm trying not to appear selfish, but the first birthday next year, which is many months away, is already being planned. My husband wants me to go to the city the night before (actual birthday) for a visit and nice dinner, just the two of us. The next day will be all about baby.

I don't particularly care for the city she lives in, and it would not be a vacation destination for me. Plus, all the wonderful recommendations given over the years have not been to my taste.

How do I politely tell my husband that this is not how I want to celebrate my birthday? I feel I need to set a precedent.

Let me also say that I have told him many times he can visit on his own as often as he wishes without any repercussions at home, as I appreciate the "me time."

GENTLE READER: Do you really think that you can set up a competition between yourself and an infant grandchild without appearing selfish?

Grown-ups are supposed to be -- well, mature. If you want your birthday dinner to be in your own city, why can't you have it before or after the actual day? George Washington and Abraham Lincoln regularly move their birthdays around for the convenience of others.

Miss Manners can relieve you of the worry about setting precedents. Once the child is in preschool, he or she will want to have birthday parties for playmates, and will be flexible to receive relatives on another day. And you will have been out-matured.

http://www.uexpress.com/miss-manners/2015/2/15/shared-birthday-with-grandchild-is-not

 



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Southern_Belle


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Spoiled brat? Geeze!

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flan327


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OH MY GOSH!

flan

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Lawyerlady


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Oh, good lord in heaven. What a crazy loon. How DARE that baby be born on her birthday, don't they realize that day was reserved all those years ago when this VSS was born?

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flan327


Itty bitty's Grammy

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I would be so honored to share a birthday with Itty bitty!

flan

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flan327


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And, obviously, the fact that it's her "husband's daughter" plays into the whole mess.

flan

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Her husband is being quite thoughtful, suggesting a night out with just the two of them and a hotel stay. Boy, I wonder how long that marriage will last?

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FNW


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She sounds like my sMIL.

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Fort Worth Mom


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Good grief! What a loon.no



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lilyofcourse


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I like the response to this letter.

This woman isn't going to have to worry about sharing her birthday with this grandchild for long. Instead of realizing what an awesome bonding experience she has with this baby she is resentful. This marriage will not last long.

On the other side of this coin, I share my birthday with my mawmaw. I have always loved that. We have always been very close and enjoyed sharing our birthday. This year she will be 85.

And this is the side that no one thinks about, I am beginning to wonder how many more I will have to share with her. I love that I have her birthday. But when the time comes that she is no longer there, well, I just don't know how I will handle that.

But until I have to, I will enjoy sharing our birthday.

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*****head banging***** Because I have no words.   evileye



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flan327 wrote:

And, obviously, the fact that it's her "husband's daughter" plays into the whole mess.

flan

 This is the WHOLE issue IMHO. What an absolute nightmare of a woman. I am glad I don't know her. 



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Southern_Belle


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I bet the LW is the trophy wife. She's probably the same age as her husband's daughter and doesn't want to even be a grandma.

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tlc


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I bet it's more of she doesn't like the daughter so nothing would be ok with her.

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SS's birthday is the day after mine. Only once has it ever caused an issue. But that's another story. I can't count the number of Batman, Lego, Thomas the Tank train cakes I have shared with him. Now that he is ten he no longer cares about the characters on the cake and we pick out a generic cake for the two of us. But it never bothered me to even share a cake with him. She's jealous. She's angry that the daughter, via the grand daughter, is out staging her. She needs to get over herself. We always have a cake for our kids on their birthday even if it's not their "party". Usually a small one and the immediate family comes to dinner. There might be a birthday party for friends later with another cake but that's how we do it. This lady sounds selfish. I don't think she needs to worry though. I think they'll get the message when she continues to act like biotch and eventually they may stop inviting her.

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karl271


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I share a birthday with a nephew of mine. So what? We have celebrated together a couple of times but I always felt sorry for him because I was stealing part of his birthday experience. And I am 50 years older than he is, so what the heck. I do not need to celebrate a birthday. LOL

As Janice on Friends would say: Oh, my God!!!

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voiceofreason


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This calls for a wtf and a ffs.

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chef


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I can't imagine being upset that my grandchild was born on my birthday. I'd be honored to share a birthday with my grandchild. DH missed sharing a birthday with DS by a little over 2 weeks. If we have another kid, I want a February (my birthday month) baby.

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chef


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lilyofcourse wrote:

I like the response to this letter.

This woman isn't going to have to worry about sharing her birthday with this grandchild for long. Instead of realizing what an awesome bonding experience she has with this baby she is resentful. This marriage will not last long.

On the other side of this coin, I share my birthday with my mawmaw. I have always loved that. We have always been very close and enjoyed sharing our birthday. This year she will be 85.

And this is the side that no one thinks about, I am beginning to wonder how many more I will have to share with her. I love that I have her birthday. But when the time comes that she is no longer there, well, I just don't know how I will handle that.

But until I have to, I will enjoy sharing our birthday.

 My Grandpa asked DH and I to get married on his birthday. We did. Sadly, we only shared the date for one anniversary. It was bittersweet this year not having Grandpa here. It was a hard day, emotionally.

I hope you have your Mawmaw for many, many more birthdays :)



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Blankie


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chef wrote:

I can't imagine being upset that my grandchild was born on my birthday. I'd be honored to share a birthday with my grandchild. DH missed sharing a birthday with DS by a little over 2 weeks. If we have another kid, I want a February (my birthday month) baby.

I think the problem is that the little girl is not her grandchild. She is a step-grandmother, and she's taking a big step away. And she makes that abundantly clear by her attitude.

DH is step-grandfather to our Little Man, and he is having a ball with it. He is a full-fledged Papa. And he never flinched with it, just dove right in.

Just like he did with my kids. He was a more involved father than their biological dad.

This lady has a miserly attitude, and she's missing all the love because of it. She'll probably realize that way too late, after the chance to bond with the child has passed.



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flan327


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Blankie wrote:
chef wrote:

I can't imagine being upset that my grandchild was born on my birthday. I'd be honored to share a birthday with my grandchild. DH missed sharing a birthday with DS by a little over 2 weeks. If we have another kid, I want a February (my birthday month) baby.

I think the problem is that the little girl is not her grandchild. She is a step-grandmother, and she's taking a big step away. And she makes that abundantly clear by her attitude.

DH is step-grandfather to our Little Man, and he is having a ball with it. He is a full-fledged Papa. And he never flinched with it, just dove right in.

Just like he did with my kids. He was a more involved father than their biological dad.

This lady has a miserly attitude, and she's missing all the love because of it. She'll probably realize that way too late, after the chance to bond with the child has passed.

Blankie, I agree that there are good men in this world. You are married to one, as am I. 

If you ask DH how many grandkids he has, he'll say "Five." If you ask me, I'll say "One." That is ONLY because I don't want to step on his ex's toes.

flan



-- Edited by flan327 on Monday 16th of February 2015 09:14:54 AM

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Blankie


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That is understandable.



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