TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Abby: Do I Have to Quit Smoking in my Own House?

Domestic Engineer · Guru

The daughter knew her mom and grandfather smoked before she moved in with them. I'd tell the daughter to find somewhere else to mooch.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Second hand smoke is TERRIBLE for children. They let them move in and they should not smoke around their grand-daughter. I agree with Abby.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

It's their house. Yes, smoking is bad. But it is their house.

If daughter doesn't like it. Move.

Yes. Second hand smoke is bad. But it is their house.

Until it is illegal to smoke in your own home. Shut up.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

I haven't smoked inside my house in over 20 years.
Step outside folks.
On the other hand, freeloader needs to find her own home and shut up until she does.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Of course they CAN smoke in their own home. But it begs the question why would they want to endanger the health of their grandchildren?! I don't get that at all. Don't they care enough about the health of their grandchildren to take their cigarette outside? Talk about selfish.

And yes, the daughter should move out. I agree with that. But until she does, is it too much to ask that the others in the house look after her kids' health?

karl271 · Guru

She doesn't pay for food or transportation and does not help around the house.... Umm Am I seeing the adult results of a snowflake??
I agree with Abby that a designated smoking room or area could/should be set up, but not necessarily at the demand of the daughter, but out of concern for the child. Or, just tell the daughter to suck it up...

DemoniaD · Senior Member

By that token, though, doesn't the MOTHER care enough about her own child not to move in with people who smoke in their house? Whether you like it or not, you don't get to become a freeloader in someone's home and dictate what they do.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I have been in homes where you wouldn't know anyone smoked in the house unless you saw them doing it.

My grandmother's was like that. She never let anything sit. She cleaned constantly. Her ash trays were spotless when she wasn't using it. She would immediately wash it when she finished smoking.

Kept the curtains washed and the carpets and furniture cleaned. I remember laying in bed with her as a child and she would be smoking and doing her puzzle books and it never phased me.

Her clothes didn't smell like smoke. Her house or her car either.

It can be controlled. I have seen it.

But my big thing is, it is their house. The daughter has no right to say anything.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

just Czech wrote:
I haven't smoked inside my house in over 20 years.
Step outside folks.
On the other hand, freeloader needs to find her own home and shut up until she does.

Yes, this.

And the daughter should talk to the mother herself rather than making the child do it.

flan

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Using the grand daughter is wrong. I see both sides of this. This should have been clarified long before the daughter moved in. They should have discussed it and come to a conclusion before the move. Daughter needs to move. Mom needs to be more considerate. And I have only known one smoker in my entire life whose house and car didn't smell like smoke. But they NEVER smoked in the house or car.

NAOW · Vette's SS

DemoniaD wrote:
By that token, though, doesn't the MOTHER care enough about her own child not to move in with people who smoke in their house? Whether you like it or not, you don't get to become a freeloader in someone's home and dictate what they do.

I agree with this. The daughter chose to move in with smokers. So what is more important to her? Rent free living or her daughter's health?

voiceofreason · Guru

NAOW wrote:
DemoniaD wrote:
By that token, though, doesn't the MOTHER care enough about her own child not to move in with people who smoke in their house? Whether you like it or not, you don't get to become a freeloader in someone's home and dictate what they do.
I agree with this. The daughter chose to move in with smokers. So what is more important to her? Rent free living or her daughter's health?

yep. As someone who is facing having a grown daughter and 3 grands moving in...well, she knows who I am and what I do. She's making an informed choice and quite frankly, if I were my daughter there's no way I'd move in with me.

This grown woman made a decision to put her child in a home with smokers. That's on her not them.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

This situation is so on the daughter. Of course she knew that her mother and GF smoked in the home but moved her daughter in there. Yeah, not healthy for anyone but it isn't her home. Don't move it.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

The letter makes me wonder if the daughter is holding something over mom's head. Like, you'll never see your DGD if you don't _______ (fill in the blank).

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

If I smoked and my daughter moved in with me, I would NEVER smoke in front of my grand babies. Their health is more important than my fix. I would simply go outside. Yes the daughter knew her mother smoked, but she might have thought her mother would have the common sense not to poison her grandbaby. I would not do anything that jeopardized my grandchildren...even if their mother would. Are we really arguing "if she doesn't care why should I ?" Wow. It's called doing the right thing, knowing better...

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mellow Momma wrote:
Of course they CAN smoke in their own home. But it begs the question why would they want to endanger the health of their grandchildren?! I don't get that at all. Don't they care enough about the health of their grandchildren to take their cigarette outside? Talk about selfish.

And yes, the daughter should move out. I agree with that. But until she does, is it too much to ask that the others in the house look after her kids' health?

Exactly. Just because you have the RIGHT to do something doesn't mean they should. I have the right to drink myself into a stupor every evening if I want, but that would make me a really bad parent.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Of course they CAN smoke in their own home. But it begs the question why would they want to endanger the health of their grandchildren?! I don't get that at all. Don't they care enough about the health of their grandchildren to take their cigarette outside? Talk about selfish.

And yes, the daughter should move out. I agree with that. But until she does, is it too much to ask that the others in the house look after her kids' health?
Exactly. Just because you have the RIGHT to do something doesn't mean they should. I have the right to drink myself into a stupor every evening if I want, but that would make me a really bad parent.

No it wouldn't, if your daughter was a grown up adult.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I think it's on both of them. She let them move in knowing that she was a smoker. I would assume there would be some effort to attenuate the effects of second hand smoke. But, if she has smoked in her home her whole life, I think it is very unreasonable for her daughter to assume she is just going to smoke outside. And, knowing that, she should be taking care of her own child and family. I think a compromise is reasonable. I presume the daughter is in school all day. And, there are some very good aircleaners you get. And, in the evening, she could perhaps smoke outside .

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

I don't like the way the daughter is using the GD as a guilt trip. My house is one of the few places I can still smoke. I'm not going to step outside when it is raining or freezing. I'm just not. I would never dream of smoking in someone else's house so don't tell me I can't in my own. As for designated smoking room, it is the living room in my comfy chair in front of my TV. Don't like it? Go hang out in your bedroom.

FNW · Guru

I think it depends. Did the parents, seeing that their daughter was having financial difficulty, ask DD to move back home? If so, take your cigs outside. Yes, DD knew they smoked, but may have assumed they would not endanger their granddaughter's health. A big assumption, yes, but not an unusual one.

Or did DD ask to move back in with her DD because she wanted to live rent-free with built in babysitters? If so, suck it up and start saving for your own place.

This is an issue DD should address, rather than pawning her responsibility off on her daughter.

<sigh> Why is it so hard for people to discuss things that bother them with each other?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Grandma should switch to Ecigs or medical marijuana.

Blankie · Guru

FNW wrote:
I think it depends. Did the parents, seeing that their daughter was having financial difficulty, ask DD to move back home? If so, take your cigs outside. Yes, DD knew they smoked, but may have assumed they would not endanger their granddaughter's health. A big assumption, yes, but not an unusual one.

Or did DD ask to move back in with her DD because she wanted to live rent-free with built in babysitters? If so, suck it up and start saving for your own place.

This is an issue DD should address, rather than pawning her responsibility off on her daughter.

<sigh> Why is it so hard for people to discuss things that bother them with each other?

No. The LW says: "Abby, they asked to move in here. She lives here for nothing, and pays nothing for food or transportation. God forbid I ask her to do something around here to help out. "

IMO, the daughter is mooching off the smoker mother and needs to put up and shut up, or move out. Sounds like an entitled attitude.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Since when is it entitled to have your child NOT breathe poisoned air?

Yes the daughter should help out, and pay some rent and move out. But, we don't know that the OP has asked her to pay rent. If they didn't negotiate that upon arrival then it's the OP's fault.

Why a grandparent would knowingly poison the air their grandchild was breathing and not care enough about the health of the child just boggles my mind. I am glad the OP isn't related to me. She sounds like a jerk. My mother would walk barefoot on hot coals while gargling broken glass for my kids if she had to. She would never think of doing something that would harm them - regardless of what the relationship between her and I was like, she would put the kids first. That's what love is...putting others before yourself.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Let's not get overly dramatic. Both of my parents were smokers. They did run an air cleaner. I never smoked , was athletic and no lung problems.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Let's not get overly dramatic. Both of my parents were smokers. They did run an air cleaner. I never smoked , was athletic and no lung problems.

exactly. My parents smoked like chimneys. So did every single one of my friends parents. None of us have problems. And I smoke myself.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Let's not get overly dramatic. Both of my parents were smokers. They did run an air cleaner. I never smoked , was athletic and no lung problems.

Some people are more effected than others. I know quite a few people who grew up with smoking parents who had terrible problems growing up from asthma, to constant bronchitis, and terrible sinus infections. The research pretty much says that smoking in the home is about the worst thing you can do for a growing child's overall health.

Also, everyone says "I smoke and I dont smell and my house doesn't either". I call BS on that. I can tell when I meet someone if they smoke, that's how sensitive I am to the smell. I have been to people's homes who say "my house doesn't smell". Guess what? Their house always smells.

Blankie · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
Since when is it entitled to have your child NOT breathe poisoned air?

Yes the daughter should help out, and pay some rent and move out. But, we don't know that the OP has asked her to pay rent. If they didn't negotiate that upon arrival then it's the OP's fault.

Why a grandparent would knowingly poison the air their grandchild was breathing and not care enough about the health of the child just boggles my mind. I am glad the OP isn't related to me. She sounds like a jerk. My mother would walk barefoot on hot coals while gargling broken glass for my kids if she had to. She would never think of doing something that would harm them - regardless of what the relationship between her and I was like, she would put the kids first. That's what love is...putting others before yourself.

You sure don't sound very Mellow, Momma! LOL!

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Blankie wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Since when is it entitled to have your child NOT breathe poisoned air?

Yes the daughter should help out, and pay some rent and move out. But, we don't know that the OP has asked her to pay rent. If they didn't negotiate that upon arrival then it's the OP's fault.

Why a grandparent would knowingly poison the air their grandchild was breathing and not care enough about the health of the child just boggles my mind. I am glad the OP isn't related to me. She sounds like a jerk. My mother would walk barefoot on hot coals while gargling broken glass for my kids if she had to. She would never think of doing something that would harm them - regardless of what the relationship between her and I was like, she would put the kids first. That's what love is...putting others before yourself.
You sure don't sound very Mellow, Momma! LOL!

I am passionate about smoking around kids. It's bad for them. Period. There isn't a debate about it in the medical community. It's harmful.

Kids with parents who smoke are at double the risk for being hospitalized for a respiratory illness. Hospitalized. It's not something I would risk when the fix is so simple.

Ohfour · Hooker

Mellow Momma wrote:
Blankie wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Since when is it entitled to have your child NOT breathe poisoned air?

Yes the daughter should help out, and pay some rent and move out. But, we don't know that the OP has asked her to pay rent. If they didn't negotiate that upon arrival then it's the OP's fault.

Why a grandparent would knowingly poison the air their grandchild was breathing and not care enough about the health of the child just boggles my mind. I am glad the OP isn't related to me. She sounds like a jerk. My mother would walk barefoot on hot coals while gargling broken glass for my kids if she had to. She would never think of doing something that would harm them - regardless of what the relationship between her and I was like, she would put the kids first. That's what love is...putting others before yourself.
You sure don't sound very Mellow, Momma! LOL!
I am passionate about smoking around kids. It's bad for them. Period. There isn't a debate about it in the medical community. It's harmful.
Kids with parents who smoke are at double the risk for being hospitalized for a respiratory illness. Hospitalized. It's not something I would risk when the fix is so simple.

Dont ever go to KY then. You would never be able to leave your house.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Secondhand smoke has 43 cancer causing chemicals in it. By all means...blow that in your grand baby's air.

Ohfour · Hooker

I wonder why no one I ever grew up with was hospitalized? All of our parents smoked. Hmmm...

DemoniaD · Senior Member

It is entitled because she moved her child in to a situation she disagreed with, then uses her child to try to force others to change. Why a parent would move a child into an environment that she feels isn't good is what boggles my mind. As a parent, I would never move my kids in to a place I felt was harmful to them. I would never use them as a pawn or as a way to control others either. Why? Because my kids always come first to me.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I bought some Girl Scout cookies from a friend the other day. When she dropped them off the boxes reeked of cigarette smoke. I took them all out of the boxes and tossed the boxes.

DemoniaD · Senior Member

I will agree that the solution is simple, though. Don't move your child in to a house of smokers if you don't want them around smoke. Easy peasy.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Ohfour wrote:
I wonder why no one I ever grew up with was hospitalized? All of our parents smoked. Hmmm...

And no one I know has ever been in a car accident, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen and that I don't wear my seatbelt just in case it does.

NAOW · Vette's SS

Mellow Momma wrote:
Blankie wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Since when is it entitled to have your child NOT breathe poisoned air?

Yes the daughter should help out, and pay some rent and move out. But, we don't know that the OP has asked her to pay rent. If they didn't negotiate that upon arrival then it's the OP's fault.

Why a grandparent would knowingly poison the air their grandchild was breathing and not care enough about the health of the child just boggles my mind. I am glad the OP isn't related to me. She sounds like a jerk. My mother would walk barefoot on hot coals while gargling broken glass for my kids if she had to. She would never think of doing something that would harm them - regardless of what the relationship between her and I was like, she would put the kids first. That's what love is...putting others before yourself.
You sure don't sound very Mellow, Momma! LOL!
I am passionate about smoking around kids. It's bad for them. Period. There isn't a debate about it in the medical community. It's harmful.
Kids with parents who smoke are at double the risk for being hospitalized for a respiratory illness. Hospitalized. It's not something I would risk when the fix is so simple.

Exactly. I agree with you. I just think the daughter shouldn't have moved in with them at all, not move in and want them to change-because it's their house and I don't think it would do much good anyway.

You were talking about the smell of a house that's been smoked in-that smell is dangerous too (third hand smoke), even if they started smoking outside when the kid was around.

What is thirdhand smoke, and why is it a concern?

Answers from Lowell Dale, M.D.

Thirdhand smoke is generally considered to be residual nicotine and other chemicals left on a variety of indoor surfaces by tobacco smoke. This residue is thought to react with common indoor pollutants to create a toxic mix. This toxic mix of thirdhand smoke contains cancer-causing substances, posing a potential health hazard to nonsmokers who are exposed to it, especially children.

Studies show that thirdhand smoke clings to hair, skin, clothes, furniture, drapes, walls, bedding, carpets, dust, vehicles and other surfaces, even long after smoking has stopped. Infants, children and nonsmoking adults may be at risk of tobacco-related health problems when they inhale, ingest or touch substances containing thirdhand smoke. Thirdhand smoke is a relatively new concept, and researchers are still studying its possible dangers.

Thirdhand smoke residue builds up on surfaces over time and resists normal cleaning. Thirdhand smoke can't be eliminated by airing out rooms, opening windows, using fans or air conditioners, or confining smoking to only certain areas of a home. In contrast, secondhand smoke is the smoke and other airborne products that come from being close to burning tobacco products, such as cigarettes.

The only way to protect nonsmokers from thirdhand smoke is to create a smoke-free environment, whether that's your private home or vehicle, or in public places, such as hotels and restaurants.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

My father smoked when we were growing up. Neither of us was ever sick other than basic cold/flu. I smoke. My brother does not.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

DemoniaD wrote:
It is entitled because she moved her child in to a situation she disagreed with, then uses her child to try to force others to change. Why a parent would move a child into an environment that she feels isn't good is what boggles my mind. As a parent, I would never move my kids in to a place I felt was harmful to them. I would never use them as a pawn or as a way to control others either. Why? Because my kids always come first to me.

It's entitled because the daughter should be helping out. Honestly this should have been discussed BEFORE she moved in. If the daughter wants a free place to live she has to deal with the consequences of that. The grandmother should also be more considerate though. Daughter needs to find her own place ASAP.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Studies have shown SIDS deaths increase among smoking parents.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

It's not the daughters house. She doesn't get a say in what goes on in it. Period.

Right or wrong, a person's house is theirs. As long as it is legal then another should not be able to tell them what they can and can not do in it.

There has been talk before about making it illegal to smoke in your own house. I don't want the government that involved in our lives.

The solution here is very simple. As soon as the daughter can get out, do so.

But she has no right telling her mother what she can and can not do in her own home.

Yes. It is entitlement to think she has that right.

Ohfour · Hooker

I wonder how any of us ever made it through the 60s and 70s...

Blankie · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
Blankie wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Since when is it entitled to have your child NOT breathe poisoned air?

Yes the daughter should help out, and pay some rent and move out. But, we don't know that the OP has asked her to pay rent. If they didn't negotiate that upon arrival then it's the OP's fault.

Why a grandparent would knowingly poison the air their grandchild was breathing and not care enough about the health of the child just boggles my mind. I am glad the OP isn't related to me. She sounds like a jerk. My mother would walk barefoot on hot coals while gargling broken glass for my kids if she had to. She would never think of doing something that would harm them - regardless of what the relationship between her and I was like, she would put the kids first. That's what love is...putting others before yourself.
You sure don't sound very Mellow, Momma! LOL!
I am passionate about smoking around kids. It's bad for them. Period. There isn't a debate about it in the medical community. It's harmful.
Kids with parents who smoke are at double the risk for being hospitalized for a respiratory illness. Hospitalized. It's not something I would risk when the fix is so simple.

Of course smoking is harmful. Of course kids with parents who smoke are at double theh risk. It's terrible for kids. It's terrible for everyone's health.

I don't see anyone arguing that point.

The daughter is entitled because she is mooching off her mother, living rent-free, and not lifting a finger to do anything. And as others have said, she moved her youngster into a house filled with smoke expecting her mother, the owner of that house to change her habits to suit her. That's just wrong. The daughter needs to grow up and stop mooching.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lexxy wrote:
My father smoked when we were growing up. Neither of us was ever sick other than basic cold/flu. I smoke. My brother does not.

When my aunt was pregnant, the conventional wisdom was continue to smoke, its not a harm to the baby. My cousin was born with learning disabilities that are directly linked to my aunt smoking while she was pregnant. We know this now, but then we didn't. She lives with that every day of her life.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Blankie wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Blankie wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Since when is it entitled to have your child NOT breathe poisoned air?

Yes the daughter should help out, and pay some rent and move out. But, we don't know that the OP has asked her to pay rent. If they didn't negotiate that upon arrival then it's the OP's fault.

Why a grandparent would knowingly poison the air their grandchild was breathing and not care enough about the health of the child just boggles my mind. I am glad the OP isn't related to me. She sounds like a jerk. My mother would walk barefoot on hot coals while gargling broken glass for my kids if she had to. She would never think of doing something that would harm them - regardless of what the relationship between her and I was like, she would put the kids first. That's what love is...putting others before yourself.
You sure don't sound very Mellow, Momma! LOL!
I am passionate about smoking around kids. It's bad for them. Period. There isn't a debate about it in the medical community. It's harmful.
Kids with parents who smoke are at double the risk for being hospitalized for a respiratory illness. Hospitalized. It's not something I would risk when the fix is so simple.
Of course smoking is harmful. Of course kids with parents who smoke are at double theh risk. It's terrible for kids. It's terrible for everyone's health.
I don't see anyone arguing that point.
The daughter is entitled because she is mooching off her mother, living rent-free, and not lifting a finger to do anything. And as others have said, she moved her youngster into a house filled with smoke expecting her mother, the owner of that house to change her habits to suit her. That's just wrong. The daughter needs to grow up and stop mooching.

Agreed about the daughter. But what kind of grandparent doesn't want what's best for their grandchild? Sure they have the right to smoke in front of their granddaughter...but why in the everlasting hell do they want to?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Then why is everyone promoting marijuana? Ever been around marijuana smoke or smokers? It freaking stinks. And, they cough up black schit from smoking unfiltered weed.

FNW · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
I wonder why no one I ever grew up with was hospitalized? All of our parents smoked. Hmmm...

Asthma and other lung problems are more common today than it was back in our day. Not sure why, but it just is.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

FNW wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
I wonder why no one I ever grew up with was hospitalized? All of our parents smoked. Hmmm...
Asthma and other lung problems are more common today than it was back in our day. Not sure why, but it just is.

Energy efficient homes.

Houses and other building are more air tight now. Houses of the past would "breathe". Now the air has no where to go so it continues to concentrate in our homes and in our lungs.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

FNW wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
I wonder why no one I ever grew up with was hospitalized? All of our parents smoked. Hmmm...
Asthma and other lung problems are more common today than it was back in our day. Not sure why, but it just is.

Air pollution. The haze that hangs over the cities is awful. I can smell a major city 20 miles away.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Radon is also a problem. Most people are unaware of the dangers of radon.