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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Abby: I am Mad at My Friend for Dating My Abusive Ex-Boyfriend
Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Abby: I am Mad at My Friend for Dating My Abusive Ex-Boyfriend
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DEAR ABBY: I had an abusive boyfriend who, I realized later, had abused his wife and children. After we broke up, my close friend and neighbor asked me if I'd mind if she went out with him. I initially said no, but after thinking about it, I thought how could she? She knew how he had treated me, pushing, shoving and isolating me from my friends.

I had words with her about it, and she said she wasn't there, so she didn't know if it really happened. What kind of a woman wouldn't support me?

He is over there often, and I live right next door. I am furious with her. Do I have a right to be? -- ALICE IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR ALICE: Your friend must be desperate for male companionship, or incredibly naive in failing to recognize that what happened to you (and the man's former wife) won't also happen to her. Please don't waste your time being angry. You are lucky to be rid of your abuser and should be grateful you realized he was one before he caused you physical harm.

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2015/2/20/curious-wife-finds-a-surprise-in



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Lindley


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I think I would no longer consider that woman a friend. She implied that the letter writer was lying and that would be enough for me to end the friendship. Kuddos to the letter writer for getting out of a bad relationship and not being the victim.

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Fort Worth Mom


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Lindley wrote:

I think I would no longer consider that woman a friend. She implied that the letter writer was lying and that would be enough for me to end the friendship. Kuddos to the letter writer for getting out of a bad relationship and not being the victim.

I agree. I wouldn't consider her to be a friend, either. 



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Lawyerlady


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I have a feeling this will have its own punishment. Some people need to learn the hard way.

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flan327


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And you know that, sooner or later, she'll be begging for help.

That's a tough one.

flan

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Lexxy


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I don't think I could be friends with her anymore, but I would help her if she asked for it after he abuses her.

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just Czech


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Gosh, some women are so dumb! Get a clue! I have no sympathy for the ex-friend at all.

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Blankie


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I think the hardest part is that she lives next door. Much easier to end a friendship when you don't see the person.She has the constant reminder. And what happens if she starts overhearing evidence of the abuse? Completely turn a blind eye? Pretend that she sees nothing, hears nothing? That will be hard.

But I would do what others say. End the friendship.



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Lexxy wrote:

I don't think I could be friends with her anymore, but I would help her if she asked for it after he abuses her.

 This is where I would be too.

It really sucks that she has to see the ******* while he's visiting her neighbor though.



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Well, why is she more mad at her, than she is at him who abused her? Go figure.

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Lawyerlady


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Well, why is she more mad at her, than she is at him who abused her? Go figure.

 Because she is supposed to be her friend.  Friends don't do this.  Jackass abusive boyfriends do.  But, nowhere does it say she is MORE mad.  But she kicked him to the curb - now it's time to do that with the "friend".



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Lawyerlady


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Huh. So you can't type *******, but you can type jackass. Good to know.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Well, why is she more mad at her, than she is at him who abused her? Go figure.

 Because she is supposed to be her friend.  Friends don't do this.  Jackass abusive boyfriends do.  But, nowhere does it say she is MORE mad.  But she kicked him to the curb - now it's time to do that with the "friend".

Yes, but why is she surprised?  Happens all the time. 



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Lawyerlady


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Well, why is she more mad at her, than she is at him who abused her? Go figure.

 Because she is supposed to be her friend.  Friends don't do this.  Jackass abusive boyfriends do.  But, nowhere does it say she is MORE mad.  But she kicked him to the curb - now it's time to do that with the "friend".

Yes, but why is she surprised?  Happens all the time. 

 No, it really doesn't happen all the time.  And when it does - it shouldn't.  



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LawyerLady

 

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Well, then they deserve each other!

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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If she knows how he treated her and she is inviting him in her bed then she is a freaking idiot.

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I would be surprised if one of my friends did something to hurt me or implied that I was a liar. Generally, my friends like me, respect me, and trust me.. or a least I hope they do.

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

If she knows how he treated her and she is inviting him in her bed then she is a freaking idiot.

 I agree with that!



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Well, obviously she isn't really a friend then.

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Divine Geek


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I had a "friend" that remained facebook friends and communicated with my abusive ex. I have cut all ties with her. I cannot trust her and cannot take the chance he would find me.

For the LW, drop the friend. She's not really a friend anyways. My problem would be with the ex being so close. I had a panic attack when I knew my ex was in the same county as me. Next door? I'd have to move.

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lilyofcourse


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I think this is one of those times where you give the warning. Tell them what you know and then leave them with their decision.

If I knew someone was dating an abusive person I would tell them what I know and then there really isn't anything else you can do.

No. They are not friends. Not because of this, but because they obviously are not that involved in each other's lives or this neighbor would already know what the LW went through.



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Lindley


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I doubt that the abusive ex is really that interested in the neighbor but more interested in using the neighbor to mentally abuse the LW by having her see him next door all the time. Abusers love mind games.

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flan327


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Lindley wrote:

I doubt that the abusive ex is really that interested in the neighbor but more interested in using the neighbor to mentally abuse the LW by having her see him next door all the time. Abusers love mind games.

 Good point! He takes away a close friend of hers & has an excuse to be near her.

flan



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Southern_Belle


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She needs to move and cut all ties with the friend.

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flan327


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Southern_Belle wrote:

She needs to move and cut all ties with the friend.

 Yes, but it sucks that she should have to...no

flan



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Southern_Belle


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I'd never date a friend's ex. Even if he was a nice guy.

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