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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Abby: Daughter Doesn't Want to Visit Ex
Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Abby: Daughter Doesn't Want to Visit Ex
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DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced woman with a teenaged daughter. I maintain a good relationship with my ex-husband and his family, and still consider them my family.

The problem is, my ex and our daughter have a strained relationship, mostly because he makes little effort to spend time with her. He doesn't attend her school functions, and most of the time when she's with him he's sleeping or watching TV. She is also sick of the multiple girlfriends that cycle in and out of his life. He doesn't realize how much these things affect her.

She has asked me not to make her see him anymore. She's 15, and I'm unsure if the law allows her to make that decision, but I think it's unwise and she would regret it later. I also worry that everyone in the family will blame me, and my relationship with them will be strained.

I don't know if I should just tell him she won't be coming to his house anymore or if I should continue to make her go. I'm not sure he really cares. I'd appreciate any advice. -- WORRIED MOM IN ARKANSAS

DEAR WORRIED MOM: Have you discussed this with your ex? If you have and nothing has changed, then I don't think you should force your daughter to go any longer. But check with a lawyer to be sure about the law in your state.

When daughters are ignored the way yours has been, they begin to think there's something wrong with themselves -- that they deserve it. It can have a lasting negative impact on a girl's self-esteem, which is not healthy. That she no longer wants to be subjected to it is understandable.

If you're afraid your former in-laws will blame you, tell them what you have told me. Whether your ex cares or is relieved is something no one can know until she doesn't show up, and I sincerely doubt she'll have any regrets about not having to tolerate those distasteful visits later on.

 

 

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2015/2/23/daughter-asks-to-be-relieved-of

 



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Lawyerlady


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Here in Georgia, daughter would have the legal right not to go anymore.

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Boy I bet in a few years I will face a similar situation with DD not wanting to go to her Father's often.

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flan327


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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

Boy I bet in a few years I will face a similar situation with DD not wanting to go to her Father's often.

 And when he wants to know why, tell him to go look in a mirror.

flan



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This is a tough situation. She should talk to her ex but most likely it's not going to net results. As long as there is a court order in place the girl needs to go to her dad's. Not doing so could back fire on the mom in the long run. He could accuse her of being the one to keep the daughter from him or refuse to pay child support until he gets to see her. I think the best course of action is what LL said, go back to court and let the daughter speak for herself. She is certainly old enough and the judge will consider what she has to say. He may even order the ex to shape up. As far as the family goes, I would tell her to sit them down and tell them what she told Dear Abby and then tell them what she plans to do to fix the situation. Maybe the girl can spend some weekends with her paternal family members if they want to visit with her so that she at least gets to be part of that family.

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Frozen Sucks!

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Most states' family courts allow children at the age of 11 to have input into the parenting plan.

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Ours is 13. But I would definitely go that route so that I couldn't be blamed for withholding visitation. These things can get really ugly.

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Lawyerlady


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Ours allows input at the younger age, but at 14 - the kid basically gets to decide unless one of the parents is unfit. Shocked the hell out of wicked stepmother when we filed an affidavit of election for her step-daughter to get her out of their house. They wanted to let her live with mom as long as they still had total say over what she did and who she could see - it doesn't work that way.

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