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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Harriette: Sister is Controlling
Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Harriette: Sister is Controlling
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DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a sister who is very controlling. She thinks she is nice, but my experience of her is that she has to be in charge of every conversation, every activity -- just everything. That was OK when we were children, but we are both adults now. We don't live near each other anymore. When I go to her town, I always make it a point to visit with her -- again, on her terms. I can never get her to go to an event with me. We do what she wants. I'm tired of it. How can I break out of this cycle? -- Little Sis, Chicago

DEAR LITTLE SIS: Rather than trying to change her, why not accept her for who she is? That doesn't mean you have to do whatever she says. But if you realize that your sister is set in her ways, which includes being unsociable, it can help you to enjoy a controlled experience with her, followed by your exit. She may not be comfortable flowing from one activity to the next. This may be why she chooses to be mostly at home. Consider yourself blessed to be free of such constrictions. This will help you to be in and out of your sister's life without being sucked into her drama.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole

 

http://www.uexpress.com/sense-and-sensitivity/2015/2/23/reader-should-offer-dying-friend-silent



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Lawyerlady


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Maybe try not giving in all the time? Why should sister change if you are letting her get away with it. When you ask her to do something and she declines but wants to control when and where you visit, you simply say "I'm sorry, that won't work for me. We'll have to get together another time."

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Yes. Do what you want to do as well. And, invite her to come along. If she doesn't then fine. We vacation with friends who never could make up their minds where they wanted to go and eat. And, they never wanted to spend much dining out. So, we would always wind up somewhere that wasn't where we wanted and not very good. Now, when we vacation with them, we just say, We are going to eat at X restaurant tonight, do you want to join us? Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. But, I want to be able to eat in some of the places I would like to eat at. And, yes, they pick too and we might choose to go along or not as well.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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My SIL is an "only on her terms" kind of person. She has always been demanding that the family march to her drum. And, she NEVER reciprocates. DH and I had spent YEARS driving to where she lives. I have invited her up for EVERY holiday for 20+ years and just invited her to come for a visit. She has never gotten in her car one time and come to our home. The final straw was when I put on a nice shindig for my son's 16 th Bday party and she was "too busy". So I don't waste my time with her anymore. It will only ever be a one way street. Not interested.

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FNW


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Older siblings quite frequently boss younger siblings around. It's not unusual.

Maybe little sis picks "events" that aren't appealing to older sis. Maybe lil sis wants to go bar hopping, and big sis is over it. Who knows. It sounds like the only thing big sis is "controlling" is her own life. Time lil sis takes control of her own now, and do what she wants with or without her sister.

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Yeah I stood up to my oldest sis on a vaca planning where she had me sharing a cabin with my mother, sent the email to a lot of people. Didn't even give me a chance to say I wanted a friend to travel with me. When I stood up to her, all contact has been stopped, temp I'm sure, but she is having a temper tantrum because I am "ruining" her grand plan.

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