TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Prudie: Should I Tell My Son that I Wanted Him Aborted?

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Why is a thought, he had 10 years ago, so burdensome? I don't get it. Let it go, buttercup.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

Wow. NO! He can tell DS he was a surprise or unplanned but not that he wanted him aborted!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

People like that are just narcissistic idiots. No, you don't get to go scar your kid get to absolve yourself of your own behavior 9 yrs ago or whatever. Shut the F up and keep some private information private.

-- Edited by Lady Gaga Snerd on Saturday 14th of March 2015 10:15:17 AM

Tinydancer · Guru

"You don’t have to tell your son that you initially suggested abortion anymore than you have to tell him what position you and his mother were in when he was conceived. "

This is my favorite answer from Prudie ever.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Seriously? What a stupid question...

flan

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

What a jerk.

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

Yes, go ahead, tell your nine YO son you wanted him aborted. And then you will probably get to explain what abortion is, BECAUSE HE IS NINE and probably hasn't really heard if it yet. Geez. What an idiot.

Bonny22Pye · Guru

Idiot.

huskerbb · Guru

just Czech wrote:
Why is a thought, he had 10 years ago, so burdensome? I don't get it. Let it go, buttercup.

No sh!t. Why do people feed some burning urge to spill their guts over crap that will NOT make anyone, or any situation--better.

Some skeletons are better left in the closet. Not disclosing the information will make ZERO difference. Disclosing it could possibly really damage his relationship with his son.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
Why is a thought, he had 10 years ago, so burdensome? I don't get it. Let it go, buttercup.
No sh!t. Why do people feed some burning urge to spill their guts over crap that will NOT make anyone, or any situation--better.

Some skeletons are better left in the closet. Not disclosing the information will make ZERO difference. Disclosing it could possibly really damage his relationship with his son.

I don't think there's any "possibly" here. It would damage the relationship, and beyond repair.

flan

burns07 · Guru

no

chef · Guru

Father needs to keep his mouth shut.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

When I was pregnant with my last one I didn't find out until I was six months along. In my third month I fractured my ankle and had x-rays and took all kinds of drugs contraindicated for pregnancy. So when the pregnancy came out it was hard finding a doctor to treat me. Because I was so far along, and because I had done so many things to possibly harm my child, they all told me to abort. I could have easily gotten one to do an abortion. Some of them begged me to have an abortion. When my son was 16 I wrote him a letter telling him how much I love him and that I was so glad I never took that option. I never hid that he was unplanned so that part wasn't really a surprise. But, having KIND OF been in this man's shoes, I'm glad I told my son. I think the OP's son is too young right now. He should wait. But there's nothing wrong with saying just what he said to Prudie. "Son, you are the best mistake I almost never made."

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

How many kids are planned? If there were no oops in life, I wouldn't have the two wonderful children I have today.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I don't think it really upsets a child to find out they weren't planned. To find out they were UNWANTED or UNLOVED is another story.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

The dad is only thinking of himself, NOT his son.

flan

huskerbb · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I don't think it really upsets a child to find out they weren't planned. To find out they were UNWANTED or UNLOVED is another story.

But that's not what this is about. LOTS of pregnancies are not "planned".

Getting an abortion, however, shows that they were not wanted. That he didn't go through with it is just not something the kid needs to deal with.

There is just ZERO justification on God's green earth for burdening a child with this information.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I don't think it really upsets a child to find out they weren't planned. To find out they were UNWANTED or UNLOVED is another story.
But that's not what this is about. LOTS of pregnancies are not "planned".

Getting an abortion, however, shows that they were not wanted. That he didn't go through with it is just not something the kid needs to deal with.

There is just ZERO justification on God's green earth for burdening a child with this information.

The dad thinks it will make HIM feel better.

He needs to grow up.

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

What is this "accidentally got pregnant" bit?

No. It wasn't an accident.

And no. You don't tell the kid you wanted him dead.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

To say you thought about abortion and then changed your mind is not bad. It means you came to realize that this was something you really wanted and loved. Again, I think nine is way too young for this conversation but I don't see this as a bad thing. My DH didn't want, plan, or even like kids when his g/f got pregnant. But he doesn't believe in abortion. She did and wanted to abort but he stood firm. He wasn't thrilled but he accepted it. He says all the time it was the best mistake that ever happened to him. It changed his life. For the better. His son knows most of what happened and he's ten. Not every detail but the vague explanations. He isn't troubled by it.

-- Edited by Nobody Just Nobody on Saturday 14th of March 2015 04:34:46 PM

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

lilyofcourse wrote:
What is this "accidentally got pregnant" bit?

No. It wasn't an accident.

And no. You don't tell the kid you wanted him dead.

That's just plain stupid. Who would say to a kid "I wanted you dead." It's about wording.

"At first I was unsure and thought we'd be better off if we waited. So we talked about abortion. Then I came to realize you were going to be the best thing that ever happened in my life."

We've had article after article where mothers have told their kids they've aborted siblings. Everyone applauds them for being honest.

huskerbb · Guru

It's ridiculous to foist that on a child. There is ZERO reason to do so.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I will agree to disagree. I do believe at nine it's too early.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
What is this "accidentally got pregnant" bit?

No. It wasn't an accident.

And no. You don't tell the kid you wanted him dead.

That's just plain stupid. Who would say to a kid "I wanted you dead." It's about wording.
"At first I was unsure and thought we'd be better off if we waited. So we talked about abortion. Then I came to realize you were going to be the best thing that ever happened in my life."
We've had article after article where mothers have told their kids they've aborted siblings. Everyone applauds them for being honest.

What is abortion? Killing a baby.

Cut to the chase. It doesn't matter how it is worded. In the end, the baby would be dead.

So yes, the short of it is, dad wanted him dead. Even if for a brief moment in time.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Well Lily, there's this little thing called tact. It's the difference between telling the truth nicely and telling the truth in a hurtful and painful way. You, general you, do not have to be a total biotch to convey a message.

huskerbb · Guru

But the message is the same--and there is NO GOOD REASON that the kid ever needs to know.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Son, you are the best thing that ever happened to me. You were a complete surprise. Your mom and I were scared and looked at all our options. We were young and barely knew each other. How were we going to take care of a baby. We thought about adoption and yes even abortion. Your mo was determined to keep you and I eventually came around. And I am so glad I did.

Ok, that's nice and tactful. And a 16 year old may get it but those words are not going to disapate in the air. They will roll around in the kids mind. He will think about it. He will contemplate all its meanings.

He may not ever put it together but he could very well come to the conclusion the dad didn't want him and would have paid for him to be aborted.

You can dip a rock in gold, wrap it in silk and put huge, gem in rusted bow on it but it's still just a rock.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Actually if you dip a rock in gold it now has a lot more value. Gold is gold whether it's on a rock or in the ground. But keep on deluding yourself.

Not everyone in this world runs scared of their own shadow. Honest to god, the father is saying this kid is the best thing that EVER happened to him and he is so glad the kid is here. But no, focus on the abortion part instead. Ridiculous.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

A gold plated rock is still just a rock.

To tell a kid that their parent thought about aborting them is hurtful. Period. No matter how great full the parent is they didnt. At one point, they thought about it.

If you can't see how hurtful that is, then the only one deluding themselves is you.

I hear complaints of how bad a child hood is when a child just feels unwanted. To have a parent say, no matter how pretty, that abortion was a real option has to be the biggest slap in the face.

Having a doctor or others suggest it because of the possibility of defects is not the same as considering it because it's just bad timing.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

He doesn't want to tell the kid he didn't want him! OMG How plain is that? He wants to tell him how much he loves him and how glad he is that he didn't take that option. You're saying he is telling the kid he is unwanted when that is NOT the case at all. He's telling him the OPPOSITE! It's not a difficult concept to grasp. It's not "the biggest slap in the face". It's an honor that his dad came around and decided to keep him.

And again, nine is way too young. I keep saying that and I will keep saying it in every post since some don't seem to hear me saying it.

And since you think gold covered rocks have no value please send me all yours. I will have the gold melted off them and become a wealthy person.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

You are missing the point completely.

You only seeing the surface. Not the whole thing.

If your parent said to you, "boy I am so glad we had you instead of not" wouldn't you think about it? Wouldn't you understand that at some point, they didn't want you? Do you think that is the only thing you would focus on? Maybe eventually it would be but you would probably also think about it for a long time.

And telling a kid how their conception may have been unplanned but is the best thing that ever happened should be enough. The kid doesn't need to know about the other. It serves no purpose at all.

huskerbb · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Actually if you dip a rock in gold it now has a lot more value. Gold is gold whether it's on a rock or in the ground. But keep on deluding yourself.

Not everyone in this world runs scared of their own shadow. Honest to god, the father is saying this kid is the best thing that EVER happened to him and he is so glad the kid is here. But no, focus on the abortion part instead. Ridiculous.

LOL!!! HE is the one who wants to focus on the abortion part. It should never be brought up and focused on AT ALL. There is just NO REASON to.

What use could possibly come out of it? NONE.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
What is this "accidentally got pregnant" bit?

No. It wasn't an accident.

And no. You don't tell the kid you wanted him dead.

That's just plain stupid. Who would say to a kid "I wanted you dead." It's about wording.
"At first I was unsure and thought we'd be better off if we waited. So we talked about abortion. Then I came to realize you were going to be the best thing that ever happened in my life."
We've had article after article where mothers have told their kids they've aborted siblings. Everyone applauds them for being honest.

Honestly, I only remember one article like that. I had mixed feelings.

flan

huskerbb · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
He doesn't want to tell the kid he didn't want him! OMG How plain is that? He wants to tell him how much he loves him and how glad he is that he didn't take that option. You're saying he is telling the kid he is unwanted when that is NOT the case at all. He's telling him the OPPOSITE! It's not a difficult concept to grasp. It's not "the biggest slap in the face". It's an honor that his dad came around and decided to keep him.

And again, nine is way too young. I keep saying that and I will keep saying it in every post since some don't seem to hear me saying it.

And since you think gold covered rocks have no value please send me all yours. I will have the gold melted off them and become a wealthy person.

He can say that without going into the gory details of their decision making process--to NO GOOD REASON or purpose.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

If my parent said they thought about abortion with me and then chose not to I would thank them for giving me life. My first thought would be, "I'm glad they loved me enough to give me a chance. I'm glad they were unselfish enough to see past their first scared feelings and put me first." Nowhere in that message would I get the message that they didn't want me. If they didn't want me they would have gone through with the abortion. Do you think that people that don't consider abortion don't have the same feelings that this guy had? I'm sure there are MILLIONS of single women who get pregnant and don't consider an abortion and yet have feelings of "I'm not sure this is what I want." Those first feelings are pretty common among people who unexpectedly find themselves pregnant. I think the majority of the people move past it.

You are only focusing on the abortion. Obviously these two parents DID want this child because they chose NOT to abort. So to say the child was unwanted is just not true.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

flan327 wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
What is this "accidentally got pregnant" bit?

No. It wasn't an accident.

And no. You don't tell the kid you wanted him dead.

That's just plain stupid. Who would say to a kid "I wanted you dead." It's about wording.
"At first I was unsure and thought we'd be better off if we waited. So we talked about abortion. Then I came to realize you were going to be the best thing that ever happened in my life."
We've had article after article where mothers have told their kids they've aborted siblings. Everyone applauds them for being honest.
Honestly, I only remember one article like that. I had mixed feelings.
flan

We've had several. Just one recently though. I guess I don't see what the big deal is here or the hypocrisy involved. It's okay to talk about dead babies you didn't want but it's not okay to talk about one you had trepidations about and then changed your mind and had.

huskerbb · Guru

There's some things kids just don't need to know. This is akin to describing the act of the conception to them in detail--positions, how many times she had an orgasm, if at all, etc...

See, son, it shows how much we loved you.

huskerbb · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
If my parent said they thought about abortion with me and then chose not to I would thank them for giving me life. My first thought would be, "I'm glad they loved me enough to give me a chance. I'm glad they were unselfish enough to see past their first scared feelings and put me first." Nowhere in that message would I get the message that they didn't want me. If they didn't want me they would have gone through with the abortion. Do you think that people that don't consider abortion don't have the same feelings that this guy had? I'm sure there are MILLIONS of single women who get pregnant and don't consider an abortion and yet have feelings of "I'm not sure this is what I want." Those first feelings are pretty common among people who unexpectedly find themselves pregnant. I think the majority of the people move past it.

You are only focusing on the abortion. Obviously these two parents DID want this child because they chose NOT to abort. So to say the child was unwanted is just not true.

By bringing up the abortion--the focus IS on the abortion. All the other stuff can be said WITHOUT doing that.

voiceofreason · Guru

No. No one applauds abortions. No one.

huskerbb · Guru

What you are not willing to condemn--you condone.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

voiceofreason wrote:
No. No one applauds abortions. No one.

If you go back and read I didn't say anyone applauded abortions. I said people applauded women for telling their kids they had aborted their siblings. There is a HUGE difference in the two statements. HUGE. And I do find this to be a double standard. It's okay for a woman to admit she actually went through with an abortion because she didn't want the baby. Everyone supports here. But here a man says he thought about it and changed his mind and people are angry.

huskerbb · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
voiceofreason wrote:
No. No one applauds abortions. No one.
If you go back and read I didn't say anyone applauded abortions. I said people applauded women for telling their kids they had aborted their siblings. There is a HUGE difference in the two statements. HUGE. And I do find this to be a double standard. It's okay for a woman to admit she actually went through with an abortion because she didn't want the baby. Everyone supports here. But here a man says he thought about it and changed his mind and people are angry.

It's not remotely the same situation. He would be talking to a child who was going to be aborted. She is not. It's not even close to the same thing.

Not that I applaud her, either--but it's not the same thing.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

voiceofreason wrote:
No. No one applauds abortions. No one.

Thank you!

flan

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

flan327 wrote:
voiceofreason wrote:
No. No one applauds abortions. No one.
Thank you!
flan

Again, I didn't SAY that. Go back and reread what I wrote. I said when a woman talks to her children about the abortions she's had everyone applauds HER. She's so brave. There's a difference between applauding the act of abortion and applauding the woman who was brave enough to do it. Two TOTALLY different statements. HUGE difference. Please don't put words into my mouth.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I never have applauded a woman for having an abortion.

Nor have I applauded telling a sibling about an abortion.

There is NOTHING to applaud about abortion or anything about it.

Tell me exactly WHAT would be the point in telling a kid that abortion was an option they considered? Explain to me how it would be a good thing.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
flan327 wrote:
voiceofreason wrote:
No. No one applauds abortions. No one.
Thank you!
flan
Again, I didn't SAY that. Go back and reread what I wrote. I said when a woman talks to her children about the abortions she's had everyone applauds HER. She's so brave. There's a difference between applauding the act of abortion and applauding the woman who was brave enough to do it. Two TOTALLY different statements. HUGE difference. Please don't put words into my mouth.

I apologize, but I disagree with the bolded statement.

Do my kids know that I had a miscarriage?

I'm really not sure.

flan

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I am not going to discuss this with you Lily. You are hard headed, stubborn, and set in your ways. You refuse to see that their are other possibilities. Nothing is open for you. There is no way to learn anything or make anything a teaching moment. If you say it then it is law. So it really doesn't matter what I said, or how I said it, or anything else. You'll just tell me how wrong I am.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I am asking a legitimate question.

What purpose does it serve?

You have no real answer so you call me names.

Ok.

Let's move on.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I have given you real answers. Many of them. You tell me they are not real answers. So what does it matter what I tell you. Your opinion is the only one anyone is allowed to have.