DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old granddaughter is 5 feet 9 inches tall. She walks hunched over, and when she stands with a group, she keeps her legs 2 feet apart. She's on a softball team and is always sitting on the ground in the dugout.
She is the tallest one in the seventh grade in her school. Some of her classmates call her the "giant." I've been with her when someone approaches her who hasn't seen her in a while and says, "Wow! You've grown really tall."
She hates school and has no friends. She also happens to be very pretty. She's taller than anyone in the family. What can we do for her? -- GRANDPA IN INDIANA
DEAR GRANDPA: Being perceived as different at your granddaughter's age can be very painful. The best thing you can do for her right now is to be supportive.
Keep telling her that being tall is not only nothing to be ashamed of, but it can be an asset. Encourage her to find activities she is interested in. In addition to softball, she might excel at basketball or volleyball. Remind her that fashion models are tall women, many of whom were teased about their height when they were her age.
Tall women of note: Taylor Swift, Gisele Bundchen, Nicole Kidman, Venus and Serena Williams, Brooke Shields, Geena Davis and Michelle Obama come immediately to mind. First daughter Malia Obama was 5 feet 9 at 13, like your granddaughter. None of them is ashamed of their height; they "own" who they are and carry themselves with pride. Research modeling schools in your area because enrolling your granddaughter in some of the classes may help her to feel less awkward about her height.
There might be people who would like to be friends with her, who comment on her height as a way to start a conversation ... which backfires because she takes it as criticism.
I'm certain that there are boys in her school who would be thrilled if she walked up to them and said, "Hi, I'm tall, and you're cute. Want to sit together at lunch?"
__________________
The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
There might be people who would like to be friends with her, who comment on her height as a way to start a conversation ... which backfires because she takes it as criticism.
I'm certain that there are boys in her school who would be thrilled if she walked up to them and said, "Hi, I'm tall, and you're cute. Want to sit together at lunch?"
Actually no. It's not fun to be tall until college.
There might be people who would like to be friends with her, who comment on her height as a way to start a conversation ... which backfires because she takes it as criticism.
I'm certain that there are boys in her school who would be thrilled if she walked up to them and said, "Hi, I'm tall, and you're cute. Want to sit together at lunch?"
Actually no. It's not fun to be tall until college.
"Actually no" to what part of this?
I'm not saying it has to be fun, I'm saying it doesn't have to be a disaster. And I (and probably most of my 13 y.o. male friends) would have been very happy to be friends with her.
__________________
The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
There might be people who would like to be friends with her, who comment on her height as a way to start a conversation ... which backfires because she takes it as criticism.
I'm certain that there are boys in her school who would be thrilled if she walked up to them and said, "Hi, I'm tall, and you're cute. Want to sit together at lunch?"
Actually no. It's not fun to be tall until college.
"Actually no" to what part of this?
I'm not saying it has to be fun, I'm saying it doesn't have to be a disaster. And I (and probably most of my 13 y.o. male friends) would have been very happy to be friends with her.
saying your cute at that age is social suicide. Unless your into sports being tall is awkward for girls. Not only are you going through all the normal teen crap you stand out and annoying adults always comment on it. Finding clothes and shoes is harder too. Personally when I was that age the best thing that ever happened was my tall Aunt telling me that it gets better as you get older and let me take you shopping.
My daughter's best friend is 6'4". She has never had a problem with it.
I think it all starts with a healthy attitude and strong sense of self from a young age.
What can mom do for her? Keep telling her she is perfect the way she is. That she is beautiful and she is exactly what she should be.
Once the daughter accepts her height and embraces it and stops being self conscious of it, others will stop pointing it out.
"Wow you are tall."
"Yep, my whole life."
And then move on.
__________________
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Ugh. Being tall young was the worst. Nothing fit, clumsy as all hell, and everyone thought I was in my twenties. Awkward and miserable.
But yes, you get used to it, and it grows on you.
Either extreme (short or tall) can be awkward during the teen years.
My one suggestion to Grandmother is to help the teen regain her good posture. She'll look less gangly, and people will be able to concentrate on her great smile.
There might be people who would like to be friends with her, who comment on her height as a way to start a conversation ... which backfires because she takes it as criticism.
I'm certain that there are boys in her school who would be thrilled if she walked up to them and said, "Hi, I'm tall, and you're cute. Want to sit together at lunch?"
Actually no. It's not fun to be tall until college.
"Actually no" to what part of this?
I'm not saying it has to be fun, I'm saying it doesn't have to be a disaster. And I (and probably most of my 13 y.o. male friends) would have been very happy to be friends with her.
saying your cute at that age is social suicide. Unless your into sports being tall is awkward for girls. Not only are you going through all the normal teen crap you stand out and annoying adults always comment on it. Finding clothes and shoes is harder too. Personally when I was that age the best thing that ever happened was my tall Aunt telling me that it gets better as you get older and let me take you shopping.
If a tall girl had told me at age 13 that I was cute, and asked if she could sit with me at lunch, I would have been very pleased to accept both the compliment and the company.
Maybe it's different for girls.
__________________
The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
There might be people who would like to be friends with her, who comment on her height as a way to start a conversation ... which backfires because she takes it as criticism.
I'm certain that there are boys in her school who would be thrilled if she walked up to them and said, "Hi, I'm tall, and you're cute. Want to sit together at lunch?"
Actually no. It's not fun to be tall until college.
"Actually no" to what part of this?
I'm not saying it has to be fun, I'm saying it doesn't have to be a disaster. And I (and probably most of my 13 y.o. male friends) would have been very happy to be friends with her.
saying your cute at that age is social suicide. Unless your into sports being tall is awkward for girls. Not only are you going through all the normal teen crap you stand out and annoying adults always comment on it. Finding clothes and shoes is harder too. Personally when I was that age the best thing that ever happened was my tall Aunt telling me that it gets better as you get older and let me take you shopping.
If a tall girl had told me at age 13 that I was cute, and asked if she could sit with me at lunch, I would have been very pleased to accept both the compliment and the company.
There might be people who would like to be friends with her, who comment on her height as a way to start a conversation ... which backfires because she takes it as criticism.
I'm certain that there are boys in her school who would be thrilled if she walked up to them and said, "Hi, I'm tall, and you're cute. Want to sit together at lunch?"
Actually no. It's not fun to be tall until college.
"Actually no" to what part of this?
I'm not saying it has to be fun, I'm saying it doesn't have to be a disaster. And I (and probably most of my 13 y.o. male friends) would have been very happy to be friends with her.
saying your cute at that age is social suicide. Unless your into sports being tall is awkward for girls. Not only are you going through all the normal teen crap you stand out and annoying adults always comment on it. Finding clothes and shoes is harder too. Personally when I was that age the best thing that ever happened was my tall Aunt telling me that it gets better as you get older and let me take you shopping.
If a tall girl had told me at age 13 that I was cute, and asked if she could sit with me at lunch, I would have been very pleased to accept both the compliment and the company.
Maybe it's different for girls.
You need to think 2015.
When I was 18 my cousin Linda fixed me up with a tall girl who was 16, we double dated to a move that was supposed to be followed by dinner.
Unfortunately, she misjudged her insulin needs, and went into shock at the movie.
I'm not sure if I didn't ask her out again because she was tall (6'2", I'm 5' 7") or because I didn't know how to deal with someone who went into shock.
Maybe I was just being a jerk, and I should have asked her out again?
__________________
The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
I was the tallest girl in the school until 8th grade. There was one guy who was the same height then.
In high school, the juniors and seniors were taller. The guys any way. And everyone thought I was a senior. Which was nice cause I never had to deal with that freshman stuff.
I don't know. It just never bothered me.
__________________
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I was the tallest girl in the school until 8th grade. There was one guy who was the same height then.
In high school, the juniors and seniors were taller. The guys any way. And everyone thought I was a senior. Which was nice cause I never had to deal with that freshman stuff.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.