Q. Is My Kid a Monster?: We have three kids. Two of them have their personality flaws like everyone else (she is stubborn and can be moody, he has trouble controlling his emotions and is prone to outbursts), but they generally seem to be good kids. One is not. He destroys things, hits people when he gets angry, and throws tantrums when he doesn’t get his way (yet at the same time, when he’s not acting out, he’s very sweet and loving). The straw that broke the camel’s back was this past weekend when he made a “little person” cry while we were picking up a pizza by pointing and laughing at him. (He was severely punished for that.) We’re at wit’s end. We’ve tried numerous types of escalating punishment. Nothing seems to work. Should we just accept the fact that our kid’s a monster and start marking off the years until he’s out of the house?
A: No, you don’t say, “Well, he’s a monster—10 more years of this nightmare and then we can release him into society.” You have a troubled child who needs professional intervention. Coincidentally, I have gotten a bunch of similar letters recently from parents struggling with such children. They have described how terribly painful it is to have such a child and how hard to even get a diagnosis—for example personality disorders are not generally arrived at until someone is past childhood. A child who engages in violent and socially unacceptable behavior will have enormous effects on your entire family. The other parents I’ve heard from are in agony over this. They love their child but are torn apart by feeling afraid of their own offspring and fearful about what the future holds. You don’t even express any emotional attachment to your son. You will not solve this situation by escalating punishment. As you’ve seen, your son is the one who will push past all boundaries. Your entire family needs help. This is will require work on your part to find a good therapist, and you have to be prepared for some dead ends. But your obligation to yourselves, and the rest of us, is to help make your son a functioning member of society.
Get this kid to a therapist pronto! Why haven't they already had him evaluated to see if there is some kind of chemical imbalance or mental health issue that causes him to act this way?
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