TOTALLY GEEKED!

JPT · Senior Member

Dear Abby, judge much?!

Vette · Owl drink to that!

I agree, I have degrees from two different trade schools and I recommend going that route to a lot of kids. It's short, sweet, to the point, it gets you a career and you're not buried in student debt for the rest of your life.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

The letter writer is snotty & looking down her nose at SIL. It seems the marriage is working since they have college age children & are still together.

I agree JPT. We need good trades people. When my A/C died in the middle of a heat wave I would have paid whatever they charged to get it fixed. Same with a plumber if my toilet doesn't work or a mechanic when my car needs work.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Maybe the daughter and husband decided that he was a better caregiver and should stay at home to help raise the children and/or take primary responsibility for their care.

I agree with you about trades. My dad taught at a vocational school for years. Many of the kids he taught make WAY more money in their trades than the average college grad. Heck, teachers make WAY less than an electrician or plumber. College isn't for everyone and people need to quit pushing it as if it's the only way to get a good paying job. It is not. But you do need some sort of training past high school.

JPT · Senior Member

DS2 is back in school at age 35 (studying network technology and security). He is part time student, has a commercial pilot's license, has a FI certification, is the primary daytime care for two DGS's (age 7 months and 3 years) and works 3-4 shifts serving at a high end restaurant (and I'd be willing to bet that Vette knows it, in Alkai Beach) and makes more doing the wait job than he would flying for a regional airline (the way wages start there).

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

It doesn't really matter. If the parents are going to ask the grandparents to pay for college, then the grandparents get to judge.

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

Lawyerlady wrote:
It doesn't really matter. If the parents are going to ask the grandparents to pay for college, then the grandparents get to judge.

I didn't see anywhere that the parents asked the grandparent to pay for it. confuse

I thought it was more of the Grandmother wondering if they should offer to help the girls, since the Dad is refusing to pay for any of it.

(And where is the wife in all this? She makes the majority of the money, but her husband tells the kids he won't help them? What the heck? Not in my world!)

-- Edited by Fort Worth Mom on Monday 6th of April 2015 01:20:54 PM

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Fort Worth Mom wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
It doesn't really matter. If the parents are going to ask the grandparents to pay for college, then the grandparents get to judge.
I didn't see anywhere that the parents asked the grandparent to pay for it.
I thought it was more of the Grandmother wondering if they should offer to help the girls, since the Dad is refusing to pay for any of it.
(And where is the wife in all this? She makes the majority of the money, but her husband tells the kids he won't help them? What the heck? Not in my world!)

-- Edited by Fort Worth Mom on Monday 6th of April 2015 01:20:54 PM

I think they are hinting or otherwise asking based on this - "We realize that they quite often play us and think we are too ignorant to realize we are being taken advantage of."

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

I guess that's possible, LL.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

JPT wrote:
DS2 is back in school at age 35 (studying network technology and security). He is part time student, has a commercial pilot's license, has a FI certification, is the primary daytime care for two DGS's (age 7 months and 3 years) and works 3-4 shifts serving at a high end restaurant (and I'd be willing to bet that Vette knows it, in Alkai Beach) and makes more doing the wait job than he would flying for a regional airline (the way wages start there).

Weird, I was just thinking about when I went to Alkai Beach last and that I should ride through there again soon!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Well, my oldest son is not "College Material" meaning, No, he is not a 4 yr or even 2 yr traditional college degree kind of person. And, as a result he is in trade/technical school. That doesn't mean I look down on him when I have said that. By no means. He is doing great, has all A's and this is a great fit for him. But, a traditional 4 yr school would not have fit him at all. There are different kinds of intelligence. Some people are more book smart. SOme are more hands on, etc. It isn't a slam to say so.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

But, to answer Abby. It is the grandparents money and they may do as they please as long as the parents agree. But, if Daddy is a neer do well, then pay the college expenses directly and do let it be funneled through him.

huskerbb · Guru

What??? That makes no sense. This isn't about a 4 year degree vs. a trade school. Their SIL has a PART-TIME low wage job. He's not a tradesman.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Monday 6th of April 2015 03:46:08 PM

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
But, to answer Abby. It is the grandparents money and they may do as they please as long as the parents agree. But, if Daddy is a neer do well, then pay the college expenses directly and do let it be funneled through him.

I don't understand the grandparents' need to bring the dad into this decision at all. What difference does it make what education he has or what he does for a living? The conversation is about the granddaughters. If they want to pay for some part of their college, then pay for it. If they don't, then What does the dad's occupation or lack of have to do with it?

They dont like the dad. Period. That is a separate issue from the granddaughters' college expenses.

-- Edited by Mellow Momma on Monday 6th of April 2015 03:49:03 PM

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Because he's a bum, they are annoyed that the bulk of the work is falling on their daughter and they want to help but deep down know that this bum should be taking care of his own family. That's why.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Because he's a bum, they are annoyed that the bulk of the work is falling on their daughter and they want to help but deep down know that this bum should be taking care of his own family. That's why.

Who says he is a bum? Maybe this is arrangement the daughter and her husband have worked out and it is working for them. If they dont have a problem with it, the grandparents shouldn't.

If you switched gender roles here and the daughter had a low paying job and the dad had a job in the medical field, no one would think she was a bum.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

"Her husband has a part-time, low-paying job and has shown no ambition to find other employment to assist with college expenses for the girls. He's into electronics, and when he wants a new item, he has our daughter work overtime to buy it for him and she does."

B U M

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Sorry but I don't buy into the "gender equality" blah, blah, blah the way the Left wants to define it. Being a SAHM, fine. But, nobody really wants their daughters supporting a man. And, I don't want my daughter supporting a man. Sooooo, flame suit on!

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Because he's a bum, they are annoyed that the bulk of the work is falling on their daughter and they want to help but deep down know that this bum should be taking care of his own family. That's why.
Who says he is a bum? Maybe this is arrangement the daughter and her husband have worked out and it is working for them. If they dont have a problem with it, the grandparents shouldn't.
If you switched gender roles here and the daughter had a low paying job and the dad had a job in the medical field, no one would think she was a bum.

Yeah, it's "working out" because her parents are subsidizing them.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
"Her husband has a part-time, low-paying job and has shown no ambition to find other employment to assist with college expenses for the girls. He's into electronics, and when he wants a new item, he has our daughter work overtime to buy it for him and she does."

B U M

And I still say if you say it was a woman with the low wage job, who wanted expensive spa treatments the husband worked overtime to buy her, everyone would think it was normal.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Sorry but I don't buy into the "gender equality" blah, blah, blah the way the Left wants to define it. Being a SAHM, fine. But, nobody really wants their daughters supporting a man. And, I don't want my daughter supporting a man. Sooooo, flame suit on!

Doesn't matter. They are sucking off the LW's tit. That is what makes him a bum.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
"Her husband has a part-time, low-paying job and has shown no ambition to find other employment to assist with college expenses for the girls. He's into electronics, and when he wants a new item, he has our daughter work overtime to buy it for him and she does."

B U M
And I still say if you say it was a woman with the low wage job, who wanted expensive spa treatments the husband worked overtime to buy her, everyone would think it was normal.

No, not everyone. And, I know women who are SAHMS who break their husband's backs spending money on stupid crap like manicures and what not when they can't afford it. I don't call them bums though, you are right. I just call them Idiots.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
"Her husband has a part-time, low-paying job and has shown no ambition to find other employment to assist with college expenses for the girls. He's into electronics, and when he wants a new item, he has our daughter work overtime to buy it for him and she does."

B U M
And I still say if you say it was a woman with the low wage job, who wanted expensive spa treatments the husband worked overtime to buy her, everyone would think it was normal.

Not if mommy and daddy are footing the bill.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I supported my husband and our family for quite a few years until he built a reputation and got established in his field. It never bothered either of us a bit. I didn't much care if it bothered anyone else. It wasn't their business who earned more than whom. We paid our bills. And my parents helped out sometimes with gift cards to the grocery store or gas station. Not because we asked them to, but because they wanted to. Now he earns more than me. And no one cares. It just isn't a big deal whose paycheck is bigger - we both contribute in different ways. Always have.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mellow Momma wrote:
I supported my husband and our family for quite a few years until he built a reputation and got established in his field. It never bothered either of us a bit. I didn't much care if it bothered anyone else. It wasn't their business who earned more than whom. We paid our bills. And my parents helped out sometimes with gift cards to the grocery store or gas station. Not because we asked them to, but because they wanted to. Now he earns more than me. And no one cares. It just isn't a big deal whose paycheck is bigger - we both contribute in different ways. Always have.

Which is not the situation in the OP.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Exactly. She works OT to buy him Video games so he can sit on his arse. Hardly the same situation. Not sure why you want to identify with that.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
"Her husband has a part-time, low-paying job and has shown no ambition to find other employment to assist with college expenses for the girls. He's into electronics, and when he wants a new item, he has our daughter work overtime to buy it for him and she does."

B U M
And I still say if you say it was a woman with the low wage job, who wanted expensive spa treatments the husband worked overtime to buy her, everyone would think it was normal.
Not if mommy and daddy are footing the bill.

But the OP obviously doesn't really care about giving them money or she would have stopped it years ago! They have been together long enough to raise 2 college aged children and the OP is still giving them cash. That's on the OP, not the kids. The OP could have stopped the check book from opening long ago but chose not to.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Exactly. She works OT to buy him Video games so he can sit on his arse. Hardly the same situation. Not sure why you want to identify with that.

Not sure why she identifies her husband with that.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mellow Momma wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
"Her husband has a part-time, low-paying job and has shown no ambition to find other employment to assist with college expenses for the girls. He's into electronics, and when he wants a new item, he has our daughter work overtime to buy it for him and she does."

B U M
And I still say if you say it was a woman with the low wage job, who wanted expensive spa treatments the husband worked overtime to buy her, everyone would think it was normal.
Not if mommy and daddy are footing the bill.
But the OP obviously doesn't really care about giving them money or she would have stopped it years ago! They have been together long enough to raise 2 college aged children and the OP is still giving them cash. That's on the OP, not the kids. The OP could have stopped the check book from opening long ago but chose not to.

Which she acknowledges in the letter.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Exactly. She works OT to buy him Video games so he can sit on his arse. Hardly the same situation. Not sure why you want to identify with that.

Well she obviously WANTS to work the OT to buy him video games or she wouldn't do it!! Why is it such a big deal? If she didn't want to, she doesn't have to. She is choosing to. And that's her choice.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yeah, she wants her grandkids to go to college. Yeah, grandma doesn't HAVE to pay for it. That isn't the question.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
"Her husband has a part-time, low-paying job and has shown no ambition to find other employment to assist with college expenses for the girls. He's into electronics, and when he wants a new item, he has our daughter work overtime to buy it for him and she does."

B U M
And I still say if you say it was a woman with the low wage job, who wanted expensive spa treatments the husband worked overtime to buy her, everyone would think it was normal.
Not if mommy and daddy are footing the bill.
But the OP obviously doesn't really care about giving them money or she would have stopped it years ago! They have been together long enough to raise 2 college aged children and the OP is still giving them cash. That's on the OP, not the kids. The OP could have stopped the check book from opening long ago but chose not to.

So what? If you have your hand out and take their money, then they have every right to judge you. Don't want the judgment? Then don't take the money.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Exactly. She works OT to buy him Video games so he can sit on his arse. Hardly the same situation. Not sure why you want to identify with that.
Well she obviously WANTS to work the OT to buy him video games or she wouldn't do it!! Why is it such a big deal? If she didn't want to, she doesn't have to. She is choosing to. And that's her choice.

Some people "want" to do drugs, too--but if it's my SIL then damn straight I'm going to have an opinion on that.

Ohfour · Hooker

huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
"Her husband has a part-time, low-paying job and has shown no ambition to find other employment to assist with college expenses for the girls. He's into electronics, and when he wants a new item, he has our daughter work overtime to buy it for him and she does."

B U M
And I still say if you say it was a woman with the low wage job, who wanted expensive spa treatments the husband worked overtime to buy her, everyone would think it was normal.
Not if mommy and daddy are footing the bill.
But the OP obviously doesn't really care about giving them money or she would have stopped it years ago! They have been together long enough to raise 2 college aged children and the OP is still giving them cash. That's on the OP, not the kids. The OP could have stopped the check book from opening long ago but chose not to.
So what? If you have your hand out and take their money, then they have every right to judge you. Don't want the judgment? Then don't take the money.

Doesn't look to me like they care about the judgment...this is not on the daughter and SIL. ALL on the parents...

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I am just saying all we have is the OP's perception of the relationship. The reality could be very very different. This could be a totally normal situation seen through the eye of some snobby uptight parents. It very well could be a situation like mine, but the OP doesn't think it is. We just don't know. I am sure that my parents could have written a very similar letter and cherry picked some facts to make it appear my DH was like the son in the OP - when the reality was he isn't like him at all.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Exactly. She works OT to buy him Video games so he can sit on his arse. Hardly the same situation. Not sure why you want to identify with that.
Well she obviously WANTS to work the OT to buy him video games or she wouldn't do it!! Why is it such a big deal? If she didn't want to, she doesn't have to. She is choosing to. And that's her choice.

I agree in part. Yes, she could say "Get off your damn lazy arse and get a job or get the Hell out". Of course she could and probably should. But, with kids and a life in progress, she might not be ready to do that. Who knows? Sometimes it's a process. And, no I am not against a man being at home for a time to do some childrearing or a career change or whatever. But, for the long haul, I don't think it is particularly healthy for a man to unemployed all of his life.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
I am just saying all we have is the OP's perception of the relationship. The reality could be very very different. This could be a totally normal situation seen through the eye of some snobby uptight parents. It very well could be a situation like mine, but the OP doesn't think it is. We just don't know. I am sure that my parents could have written a very similar letter and cherry picked some facts to make it appear my DH was like the son in the OP - when the reality was he isn't like him at all.

Really? Did they just imagine the "work overtime so you can buy me Grand Theft Auto" scenario? OR, is the daughter talking to them? What do you think?

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
I am just saying all we have is the OP's perception of the relationship. The reality could be very very different. This could be a totally normal situation seen through the eye of some snobby uptight parents. It very well could be a situation like mine, but the OP doesn't think it is. We just don't know. I am sure that my parents could have written a very similar letter and cherry picked some facts to make it appear my DH was like the son in the OP - when the reality was he isn't like him at all.

Yet you made that very comparison.

DemoniaD · Senior Member

It's clear that the LW doesn't care for her son in law. But really, is it the end of the world for a kid to have to pay their own way through college?

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
I am just saying all we have is the OP's perception of the relationship. The reality could be very very different. This could be a totally normal situation seen through the eye of some snobby uptight parents. It very well could be a situation like mine, but the OP doesn't think it is. We just don't know. I am sure that my parents could have written a very similar letter and cherry picked some facts to make it appear my DH was like the son in the OP - when the reality was he isn't like him at all.
Really? Did they just imagine the "work overtime so you can buy me Grand Theft Auto" scenario? OR, is the daughter talking to them? What do you think?

When my DH was starting out in his career, I worked overtime to buy him some thing he wanted. How is that any different?

I am sure the daughter worked overtime to buy the husband whatever he wanted. So what? That's her choice. The grandparents have no idea what led up to that purchase decision.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
I am just saying all we have is the OP's perception of the relationship. The reality could be very very different. This could be a totally normal situation seen through the eye of some snobby uptight parents. It very well could be a situation like mine, but the OP doesn't think it is. We just don't know. I am sure that my parents could have written a very similar letter and cherry picked some facts to make it appear my DH was like the son in the OP - when the reality was he isn't like him at all.
Yet you made that very comparison.

Yes I did. Because we don't know the whole story. This situation could very well be just like mine but because the grandparents don't like the SIL they chose to portray it differently.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Ok, maybe it's the same then. Maybe your DH was sitting on his behind playing video games while you went to work. If so, then yeah, I guess the OP offends you.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I really have no idea why some women are attracted to deadbeat laz-a-bouts.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Ok, maybe it's the same then. Maybe your DH was sitting on his behind playing video games while you went to work. If so, then yeah, I guess the OP offends you.

Nothing here offends me. I am just saying there is probably WAY more to the story than what the OP is telling us.

Ohfour · Hooker

Mellow Momma wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
I am just saying all we have is the OP's perception of the relationship. The reality could be very very different. This could be a totally normal situation seen through the eye of some snobby uptight parents. It very well could be a situation like mine, but the OP doesn't think it is. We just don't know. I am sure that my parents could have written a very similar letter and cherry picked some facts to make it appear my DH was like the son in the OP - when the reality was he isn't like him at all.
Yet you made that very comparison.
Yes I did. Because we don't know the whole story. This situation could very well be just like mine but because the grandparents don't like the SIL they chose to portray it differently.

Yours seemed to be a short term situation. I get the idea that this has been going on for years (maybe the whole time the kids were growing up?)

They are moochers, plain and simple. If I were the grandparents (not that I would have ever gotten into this situation), I would cut off the daughter and SIL and pay for the grandkids' college directly.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Ok, maybe it's the same then. Maybe your DH was sitting on his behind playing video games while you went to work. If so, then yeah, I guess the OP offends you.
Nothing here offends me. I am just saying there is probably WAY more to the story than what the OP is telling us.

Why? There may be a very good reason why they don't like him. And, that sounds like good reason. So, are they misreading it? Maybe. But working OT to buy Grand Theft Auto or Donkey Kong? Um no.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I agree that if the money situation bothers the OP, then she needs to quit opening the check book.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
I agree that if the money situation bothers the OP, then she needs to quit opening the check book.

I think you are missing the point. Yes, it does bother them. It bothers them greatly that their daughter is working hard while he sits on his can and it bothers them that because of this their grandkids might not have the opportunities they wish for them. Yeah, that bothers them. They don't have to write a check. But, they WANT to give their grandkids the opportunity and will willingly write a check while yes, it simultaneously bothers them that their own parents haven't provided. Got it?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
I agree that if the money situation bothers the OP, then she needs to quit opening the check book.
I think you are missing the point. Yes, it does bother them. It bothers them greatly that their daughter is working hard while he sits on his can and it bothers them that because of this their grandkids might not have the opportunities they wish for them. Yeah, that bothers them. They don't have to write a check. But, they WANT to give their grandkids the opportunity and will willingly write a check while yes, it simultaneously bothers them that their own parents haven't provided. Got it?

And because if they want their grandchildren to get an education without having to incur debt, they are willing to help pay for it becuase their kids can't or otherwise choose to spend their money on recliners and video games. They means they get to judge.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Lawyerlady wrote:
I really have no idea why some women are attracted to deadbeat laz-a-bouts.

Because when you are young and stupid you aren't thinking about money and responsibility, you (I) liked the free fun loving and, ahem, other things. Then when you wise up you already have a kid and bills and such.