Dear Mr. Dream Crusher,
First of all, may I be the first to congratulate you on the impending arrival of your new baby! Being a parent truly is an amazing thing. Becoming a parent is an overwhelming, scary but wonderful time in a person’s life. You imagine what life will be like with this new little being. You also begin to crunch the numbers. The price of diapers, formula (or not) clothes, more diapers, wipes, car seat, crib, etc. It all starts adding up. Now the panic sets in. Don’t worry, it’s normal. It mostly passes. Your buddies begin telling you horror stories of sleepless nights, colic, crabbiness, constipation. Let’s not even get into the emotional wreck that will probably become your wife. Speaking of your wife, let’s talk about what she’s now going through.
Now that she’s pregnant, her body is not her own. It’s playing host to this little, heart beat of a jelly bean. She suddenly realizes her responsibility. The moment she finds out she’s expecting, she becomes a mom. She will be terrified, excited, happy and nauseous. Most likely all at the same time. As her body changes, so does her mood. She will feel beautiful one minute, and a crying mess the next. Be patient. Be kind. Tell her she’s beautiful. You’re welcome for the free advice.
You’re half way through the pregnancy. Maybe you even had an ultrasound and found out the gender. Now the planning begins. Name? Co-sleeping or bassinet? Cloth or disposable diapers? Breast or formula milk? This is also the part where a majority of the shopping begins. Clothes, diapers, furniture, bottles, nuks, car seat, stroller, on and on and on and on. As the money starts going out, the panic starts setting in. Do we really need that? Did we really have to spend that much? A car seat costs how much?!
Then she’ll start looking into photography. Birth photography, newborn photography, milestone sessions, baby’s first year packages. Your head is spinning. Ok, she narrows it down. She really wants to have a birth photographer and a newborn session. She contacts photographers, finds out prices and packages, looks over their portfolios. Girlfriend has done her homework. Excitedly she sits to discuss with you (notice I said discuss, NOT ask permission) the different options and to show you information.
And before you can even look at what she’s showing you, YOU TELL HER NO. Because now that all that money is going out, you feel like you have to say no about something.
“Having a stranger in the room would just be too weird.”
“I really want it to just be the two of us.”
“That’s so gross! I can’t believe you would want pictures of that!”
“That is way too expensive. I can just take pictures.”
She’s deflated. All excitement has gone out the window. Dragging her feet, she contacts the photographer to explain that her husband isn’t interested.
My heart actually breaks a little for her.
Let’s discuss your reasoning, shall we?
1. “Having a stranger in the room would just be too weird.”
Ok. First of all, I’m rolling my eyes so hard at you right now.You probably also had a wedding photographer. But you probably knew them before you got engaged right? Unless you have met and know every single nurse, doctor, lab technician and cleaning person at the hospital, strangers will be in and out of your door ALL DAY. But you probably knew them too right? I will say in your defense, the thought of a stranger taking photos of you and your wife on such a special day is kind of awkward. FOR YOU. For me, this is what I do. And I’m good at it. No reason to try to play myself down now. I’m not being conceited. I’m just saying. I am confident enough with what I do that I will say if you were to ask any of my clients where the husband was nervous about me being there, he will tell you that when it came down to it, you don’t really notice I’m there. And if you do, you are soooo distracted by what’s going on. Or at least you should be. I would like to think if your wife has her legs in the air and is pushing a baby out, you would be more concerned with what she’s doing rather than what I’m doing. But anyways, on to number two.
2. “I really want it to be just the two of us.”
Seriously, I get that. Trust me. I get that more than you know. When I was being induced with my son, I just wanted it to be my husband and I. This is where it is REALLY important to research birth photographers and choose one based on feedback from clients. Was she intrusive? Was she in the way? Was she distracting? A good photographer will be someone that knows when to shut up. She knows when to sit back and say nothing and knows when to put the camera down. Trust me, there are moments in a labor room that DO NOT need to be documented. If you really are concerned, contact her and have a consult and discuss all of this.
3. “That’s so gross! I can’t believe you want pictures of that!”
Not your vagina, not your opinion. Next.
No, but really, yes. Birth can be kind of gross. But when you see your baby, even when it’s covered in goo, you will think it’s the most beautiful baby you’ve ever seen. Your wife will be flushed red and probably puffy, but you will fall in love with her all over again. And let’s be real, if she’s ok with someone taking pictures of that particular moment, then you need to sit down and shush. For me, that’s not something I normally photograph unless mom wants it, but this is ALL DISCUSSED BEFOREHAND.
4. “That’s way too expensive! I can just take the pictures myself.”
Because you don’t need to be in the pictures? Dude, you will be so caught up with everything going on, taking pictures is the last thing on your mind. And let’s be real. When was the last time someone actually took pictures with a CAMERA, let alone brought a camera to the hospital. Those photos on your phone are reeeeeeeally nice, but any idea how you’re going to make a birth album with them? I mean, these photos probably aren’t something you’re going to blow up into a huge 20×30 canvas and hang on your wall. They will be something that you will want to look back on though.
The cost of birth photography can be high. I will admit that. Last time I checked though, those guns you like to hunt with, the parts for your kick ass car, the fishing weekends, and all the time between November 15-December 1st are all pretty expensive too.
All I’m saying is before you are so quick to say no, talk it over with her. Let her tell you why it’s important to her. Discuss your concerns. If at the end of the conversation you are still dead set against it, then so be it. Birth photography isn’t for you. Good luck with that rockin iPhone.
Sincerely,
Nikki
http://www.nicoleannemurphy.com/2015/04/an-open-letter-to-husbands-that-say-no/
