TOTALLY GEEKED!

Wow! Now that takes some balls to set up a college fund to erase your guilt. I bet she really believes it will work in her favor.
What a freakin' loser.
I'm not sure I could accept tainted money. It just seems like it would degrade me all over again. Since it is going to the kids, that might make it easier though.
And the biotch does need to pay for her infidelity with her former friends DH, more in the form of roasting her over a bed of hot coals type of thing though.
After thinking about it, take the money. LW does not have to actually touch the money and it will lessen financial burdens for the kids.

I wouldn't take it. I personally wouldn't need the money bad enough to even consider the emotional implications.

I wouldn't have too because I wouldn't take it. I pay my own way through life. I don't need handouts.

Well, I see so many people who let other people fund their lives and then complain because they are beholden to them. I seriously doubt this is going to be freely given with no strings. Most money is not.

just Czech wrote:

---

I wouldn't think of the money as a handout, but more a restitution. The kids never need to know and the lawyer can handle all contact.
Why burden yourself financially if some idiot gives you money that you may need?
Not everyone is financially well off and I can see Prudies point.

---

 I'm with Czech. Take the money. But, make sure there are no stipulations spelled out. If there are not, any "strings" would be of your own doing. If some idiot wants to give me money, I'll take it. If they have some feeling towards it, that's their issue, not mine. 

Like watching "It's a Wonderful Life'. The point when George Bailey is offered to sell out to Mr Potter and Mr. Potter offers him a job as his manager and opportunity to make bank and travel the world. But, George refuses on principal. But if you made that movie today, that would be the end of the movie and we would see George in a designer suit traveling first class with his wife in furs.

Thanks dad for having an affair so I can get my college paid for! 

huskerbb wrote:

---

Divine Geek wrote:

---

just Czech wrote:

---

I wouldn't think of the money as a handout, but more a restitution. The kids never need to know and the lawyer can handle all contact.
Why burden yourself financially if some idiot gives you money that you may need?
Not everyone is financially well off and I can see Prudies point.

---

 I'm with Czech. Take the money. But, make sure there are no stipulations spelled out. If there are not, any "strings" would be of your own doing. If some idiot wants to give me money, I'll take it. If they have some feeling towards it, that's their issue, not mine. 

---

 That's exactly what the loser boyfriends on Judge Judy say about taking money from their single mom girlfriends who are barely getting by, themselves.  "Well, if someone is going to give me money, I'm not going to turn it down."  

 

BS.  Either decline it, or realize the conditions it comes with.  Forgiveness is an option--although whether a bribed one is sincere, or not is a fair point.  

---

Yes, and it makes those men less than who they should be. 

My first thought in no way in hell!

But I would get a lawyer and get him to ask "what are the conditions/strings attached?" Cause you there will be.

Then I would submit a list of conditions a mile long with the ability to add more as I see fit. First and foremost. You/your family will have no contact my family.

-- Edited by Whenitrains on Friday 24th of April 2015 03:24:16 PM

huskerbb wrote:

---

Lawyerlady wrote:

---

I want to know what kind of account? Is this the kind of account that will keep her active in thier lives? Or did she really just set it up and you never have to talk to her again.

This may be her way of holding on to this family.

---

 Of course it is.  She is trying to buy forgiveness.  Accepting the money implies it is given.

---

 Implications can be assertively denied. 

just Czech wrote:

---

I wouldn't think of the money as a handout, but more a restitution. The kids never need to know and the lawyer can handle all contact.
Why burden yourself financially if some idiot gives you money that you may need?
Not everyone is financially well off and I can see Prudies point.

---

 All of this.  I would take the money in a heartbeat.

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

---

Lawyerlady wrote:

---

I want to know what kind of account? Is this the kind of account that will keep her active in thier lives? Or did she really just set it up and you never have to talk to her again.

This may be her way of holding on to this family.

---

 Ok I amend my response.  I would only take the money if no strings attached.

---

 I mean, do they have to contact her to take the money out?  That kind of thing.  Or, will they be able to walk into the bank at 18 and say, "please give me my money."?

huskerbb wrote:

---

Lawyerlady wrote:

---

huskerbb wrote:

---

Lawyerlady wrote:

---

I want to know what kind of account? Is this the kind of account that will keep her active in thier lives? Or did she really just set it up and you never have to talk to her again.

This may be her way of holding on to this family.

---

 Of course it is.  She is trying to buy forgiveness.  Accepting the money implies it is given.

---

 Implications can be assertively denied. 

---

 Then I'm betting the money offer will be withdrawn.  

---

 She actually does need to forgive her.  Not for the mistress' sake but for her own.  But forgiveness does not mean letting her back in her life.

Lawyerlady wrote:

---

huskerbb wrote:

---

Lawyerlady wrote:

---

huskerbb wrote:

---

Lawyerlady wrote:

---

I want to know what kind of account? Is this the kind of account that will keep her active in thier lives? Or did she really just set it up and you never have to talk to her again.

This may be her way of holding on to this family.

---

 Of course it is.  She is trying to buy forgiveness.  Accepting the money implies it is given.

---

 Implications can be assertively denied. 

---

 Then I'm betting the money offer will be withdrawn.  

---

 She actually does need to forgive her.  Not for the mistress' sake but for her own.  But forgiveness does not mean letting her back in her life.

---

 But that is the string that is attached.  It couldn't be more obvious.  Prudie and others are naive beyond belief to think that isn't the case.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

---

The mistress is not the problem child. Her husband is the one who made the vows. Hello.

---

 So, if your best friend sleeps with your husband, that's ALL his fault?  She is not to blame?  Bull. 

 

Of course, he is a problem - but so is she.  Pretending otherwise is ridiculous.  She betrayed her friend and slept with a married man.  Either of those are terrible on their own - both of them together are heinous.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

---

The husband has the greater responsibility to you.

---

So?  That doesn't mean anything in context to what SHE did. 

And she has a bigger investment in her husband also - a marriage, children, etc. which give her more incentive to forgive him. 

Lawyerlady wrote:

---

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

---

The husband has the greater responsibility to you.

---

So?  That doesn't mean anything in context to what SHE did. 

And she has a bigger investment in her husband also - a marriage, children, etc. which give her more incentive to forgive him. 

---

HE transgressed THEIR vows.  I find it bizarre that women get soooo angry at the mistress instead of their own husbands.  Ridiculous. 

Yes but the biggest betrayer is him.

Take the money. Donate it to someone else.

huskerbb wrote:

---

Lawyerlady wrote:

---

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

---

The husband has the greater responsibility to you.

---

So?  That doesn't mean anything in context to what SHE did. 

And she has a bigger investment in her husband also - a marriage, children, etc. which give her more incentive to forgive him. 

---

 But he still committed the greater wrong--yet she can forgive him.  It's illogical.

---

 I don't think so.  In the scheme of things, your spouse is supposed to be THE most important person in your life - if you are going to forgive anyone, it should be them.  Plus, if you have kids, keeping the family together is incentive for forgiveness.  But, forgiveness usually comes long before trust returns. 

This woman is an outsider to the family - there is no incentive to keep her in their lives.  Plus, reconciliation with the husband would be impossible with the constant reminder of his mistress around, I would think. And trust would absolutely impossible. 

Like women who shoot the mistress in a rage of jealousy. Shoot him, he is the one that cheated, not her.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

---

Like women who shoot the mistress in a rage of jealousy. Shoot him, he is the one that cheated, not her.

---

 Women who sleep with men when they know they are married are horrid.  Absolutely horrid. 

 

That does NOT mean the men are not equally or greater douchebags. 

Well, Gaga - if your husband ever sleeps with your best friend, you are more than welcome to continue staying friends with her. You would be nuts - but it's your call.

Lawyerlady wrote:

---

Well, Gaga - if your husband ever sleeps with your best friend, you are more than welcome to continue staying friends with her. You would be nuts - but it's your call.

---

Where did I say that?  Now you are being ridiculous.  Yes, I would tell her to Go to Hell.  But, I would feel more anger and betrayal at him.