TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Abby: No Mother's Day Gifts

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

She better not buy him anything for Father's Day.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I disagree with Abby. Some people just don't buy into the Hallmark created obligations. Yes, it would be nice if he bought something. But, just because he doesn't on this one thing doesn't mean she can pronounce him thoughtless, cheap or insensitive.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

If it means that much to her, she needs to talk to him and then get over it.

I would hope that most people want to make their spouse happy.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yes, but honestly, just because Hallmark says you MUST celebrate this as a holiday or do it in a certain way, doesn't mean everyone has to fall down and do it. No, he doesn't need to get her a gift at all. However, he should be making sure that his kids have something for mom. And, yes it would be nice if he just picked up some flowers at the grocery store, it isn't all that expensive. But, to make this an "issue" by her seems a bit immature. If it is just MOther's day, I would say get over it. But, I am guess she doesn't feel appreciated across the board and that is a whole different issue.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

She isn't his mother.

And if the kids are grown, he has no obligation to make sure they recognize her either.

It's nice when they do.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Celebrating Mother's Day is a culteral norm in this country. Yes, he is a cheap, insensitive azz.

Ohfour · Hooker

If it means something to HER, then he should get her something. G and I decided long ago that we weren't buying into the whole valentines/mothers day/fathers day thing. But my mother would be greatly offended if something wasn't done for her on Mother's Day. So I get her a card and take her out to eat. It's about pleasing your loved ones.

Tinydancer · Guru

I'd just go buy myself a gift and let him know what he got me...lol

FNW · Guru

Reading that makes me appreciate my husband that much more. Because I was once married, albeit very briefly, to a cheap, insensitive azz. I know the hurt that she is feeling. And it sucks when your spouse cares so little about your feelings or making you happy.

My husband has recognized me on Mother's Day from the year I was pregnant. He gave me a beautiful ruby and diamond necklace. Rubies because that was July's birthstone, and that's when the boys were due. Then they were born in June, so I got pearls the following year. Now he takes the boys shopping and lets them pick out gifts. He still buys one from himself to me as well. Last year the boys bought me lipstick and nail polish. Lots of purples, since that is my favorite color. This year should be interesting. I do know that #1 wanted to buy me high heeled shoes. And whateer #2 picked out, it will be coming in a purple gift bag (#2 told me this much).

And we're all going to the club for Mother's Day brunch, so that's what we do for my mother each year.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

My DH usually buys me flowers for being a good mom to HIS son. He realizes SS isn't going to appreciate me like I deserve so he makes sure I get appreciated.

msrock · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
If it means something to HER, then he should get her something. G and I decided long ago that we weren't buying into the whole valentines/mothers day/fathers day thing. But my mother would be greatly offended if something wasn't done for her on Mother's Day. So I get her a card and take her out to eat. It's about pleasing your loved ones.

Yes but what about your kids? They don't get you anything for Mother's Day?

Ohfour · Hooker

msrock wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
If it means something to HER, then he should get her something. G and I decided long ago that we weren't buying into the whole valentines/mothers day/fathers day thing. But my mother would be greatly offended if something wasn't done for her on Mother's Day. So I get her a card and take her out to eat. It's about pleasing your loved ones.
Yes but what about your kids? They don't get you anything for Mother's Day?

They do, but not because I expect it. They just do it. And I do something with my daughter. It would suit me just fine to not have to do anything, but they like it so I do it...

msrock · Guru

My fiancé always gives me something for Mother's Day and I am not the mother of his kids. We both have kids from prior spouses. But we are still both parents. My daughter always gets me something. Usually a plant or hanging baskets for my yard. I always get my fiancé a gift for father's day. We have just always done it that way. But we exchange gifts for most "holidays."

Ohfour · Hooker

msrock wrote:
My fiancé always gives me something for Mother's Day and I am not the mother of his kids. We both have kids from prior spouses. But we are still both parents. My daughter always gets me something. Usually a plant or hanging baskets for my yard. I always get my fiancé a gift for father's day. We have just always done it that way. But we exchange gifts for most "holidays."

G and I don't even do Christmas for each other! LOL! We just buy things randomly for each other. Last week, I came home to a BEAUTIFUL ring guard that he thought I would like. I would much rather have a gift that wasn't forced by a holiday. But that's just me. If someone I love really has fun with it, then I celebrate with them.

Bonny22Pye · Guru

DH already asked what I want to do, and I told him what ever I want that day. Which probably means trying out a new coffee house after mass and not making dinner. I hate it when he buys flowers on Hallmark holidays because the price is so jacked up.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I really don't care about fabricated holidays. But, to each his own. Honestly, DH seems to care more about those kinds of holidays than I do. I dont' need some holiday to enjoy going out to dinner with my family. But, DH usually likes to plan something so that is very sweet. But, I don't know that it would bother me if nobody made a big deal.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

I think a husband should honor the mother of his children.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I don't think it is the Be All and END all of a relationship. Unless you make it so.

FNW · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I really don't care about fabricated holidays. But, to each his own. Honestly, DH seems to care more about those kinds of holidays than I do. I dont' need some holiday to enjoy going out to dinner with my family. But, DH usually likes to plan something so that is very sweet. But, I don't know that it would bother me if nobody made a big deal.

Easy to say when he does make it special.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

My mom would be crushed if we didn't acknowledge her on Mother's Day. She has this big urn out front & I always buy a mixed flower basket to fill it. We go to her house for late lunch. It is her choice to be the one feeding us. I have suggested restaurants or cooking out at my brother's house but she gets fulfillment from feeding us.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

FNW wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I really don't care about fabricated holidays. But, to each his own. Honestly, DH seems to care more about those kinds of holidays than I do. I dont' need some holiday to enjoy going out to dinner with my family. But, DH usually likes to plan something so that is very sweet. But, I don't know that it would bother me if nobody made a big deal.
Easy to say when he does make it special.

Yes. Good point.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
FNW wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I really don't care about fabricated holidays. But, to each his own. Honestly, DH seems to care more about those kinds of holidays than I do. I dont' need some holiday to enjoy going out to dinner with my family. But, DH usually likes to plan something so that is very sweet. But, I don't know that it would bother me if nobody made a big deal.
Easy to say when he does make it special.
Yes. Good point.

I disagree. I THINK (mho) that she wouldn't care. DH and I did these things for a few years and decided that it was just not us. I'm totally happy with that.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Ohfour wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
FNW wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I really don't care about fabricated holidays. But, to each his own. Honestly, DH seems to care more about those kinds of holidays than I do. I dont' need some holiday to enjoy going out to dinner with my family. But, DH usually likes to plan something so that is very sweet. But, I don't know that it would bother me if nobody made a big deal.
Easy to say when he does make it special.
Yes. Good point.
I disagree. I THINK (mho) that she wouldn't care. DH and I did these things for a few years and decided that it was just not us. I'm totally happy with that.

But you made that decision together. He didn't just decide for the both of you that you are not going to do these things.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Doing for your mother is not the same as doing for your spouse.

The spouse may be the mother of your kids but she isn't your mother.

Now I am not saying it isn't a wonderful thing to recognize them, get them something, honor them in some way.

Just I understand the thought process of those who dont.

Mary Zombie · Guru

willingly not getting her a little something knowing it would make her happy is mean.
I couldn't be with someone like that.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

I certainly miss a lot on this board when I am at work.

I gave birth to HIS kid, yeah I should be recognized even if it is taking her shopping for a card. DS is taking her shopping Saturday.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I gave birth to MY kids.

I think I see this differently because I never really had the father of my kids to do anything for mothers day.

Last year was the first time he ever even got me a card. And he sent it from prison.

Doesn't leave me with a lot of warm fuzzies.

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

I have never heard of a guy not getting something for his wife on mothers day.
Wow.
Heck, my DAD got my SISTER a little something for mothers day once she became a mother.
But the mother of your children, yeah, it's just the thing to DO.

NAOW · Vette's SS

Mary Zombie wrote:
willingly not getting her a little something knowing it would make her happy is mean.
I couldn't be with someone like that.

I agree.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

NAOW wrote:
Mary Zombie wrote:
willingly not getting her a little something knowing it would make her happy is mean.
I couldn't be with someone like that.
I agree.

Me too.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I disagree with Abby. Some people just don't buy into the Hallmark created obligations. Yes, it would be nice if he bought something. But, just because he doesn't on this one thing doesn't mean she can pronounce him thoughtless, cheap or insensitive.

But he is insensitive. He KNOWS that she wants a gift--and simply refuses.

It's not that he forgot, or just doesn't "do" holidays, or isn't a gift-giver.

He just thinks it's not his responsibility--and that is thoughtless and careless with her feelings here. She feels unappreciated. I'm betting it wouldn't even take much.

When you love someone--you should be more careful with their feelings. It's not just about you and what you think you should "have" or "not have" to do.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I disagree with Abby. Some people just don't buy into the Hallmark created obligations. Yes, it would be nice if he bought something. But, just because he doesn't on this one thing doesn't mean she can pronounce him thoughtless, cheap or insensitive.
But he is insensitive. He KNOWS that she wants a gift--and simply refuses.

It's not that he forgot, or just doesn't "do" holidays, or isn't a gift-giver.

He just thinks it's not his responsibility--and that is thoughtless and careless with her feelings here. She feels unappreciated. I'm betting it wouldn't even take much.

When you love someone--you should be more careful with their feelings. It's not just about you and what you think you should "have" or "not have" to do.

Well said, husker.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I understand what you are saying. However, there are men who are not gift/card givers. But, otherwise wonderful men and people. So, I just don't there is enough info to pronounce him a jerk. Yes, maybe he is. But, that isn't always the case. Everyone has their quirks.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I understand what you are saying. However, there are men who are not gift/card givers. But, otherwise wonderful men and people. So, I just don't there is enough info to pronounce him a jerk. Yes, maybe he is. But, that isn't always the case. Everyone has their quirks.

If she has made it clear that it means a lot to her and she is the mother of his children, and he still refuses to do anything, then, yes, he is a jerk. Don't need much more info than that.

Ilumine · Regular

I totally understand the whole Love Language thing. I do.

But the Love Language Concept is two part. 1) to Understand how your partner shows his/her love, so you can actually feel the love. and 2) Give your partner love in his/her language so the love isn't always missed.

So while he may not be a Gift Guy throughout the year (and shouldn't be held to that for the day to day acts of love), for the special moments in life, he SHOULD be able to pull his head out of his ass to show his love in the way she speaks it.

And more importantly, how are his children supposed to know what to do for mother's day if the father doesn't help them along?

FNW · Guru

Ilumine wrote:
I totally understand the whole Love Language thing. I do.

But the Love Language Concept is two part. 1) to Understand how your partner shows his/her love, so you can actually feel the love. and 2) Give your partner love in his/her language so the love isn't always missed.

So while he may not be a Gift Guy throughout the year (and shouldn't be held to that for the day to day acts of love), for the special moments in life, he SHOULD be able to pull his head out of his ass to show his love in the way she speaks it.

And more importantly, how are his children supposed to know what to do for mother's day if the father doesn't help them along?

I think this is a biggie, too. How parents treat each other affects how children will behave in their relationships as adults.

My parents give me Mother's Day gifts as well.

Momala · Great cook-happy wife-superb fisherman

My sweet MIL sent me a Mother's Day card while DH and I were still engaged (he was a widower with 6 kids). And she called the kids & encouraged them to recognize me on Mother's Day, even though our wedding wasn't until November.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

I make sure SO's son gets his mom a card every year, if I didn't they wouldn't even think about it.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

The first year DH and I were together, we got married in January, and we had to deal with this with SS we debated what to do. I told him to buy a very generic card for SS to give her. She hated us at the time so that was a big deal. He wanted to get her a really fancy card and present for his son to give her. I just laughed and told him to give her what she really wanted for Mothers Day. He asked what that was. I said, "Put all your credit cards in an envelope and give them to her. She'll finally be happy."

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

The guy is a mean control freak. I know the type. "I don't give gifts at xmas just because it is demanded" " I don't give my wife a Mother's day gift/card, she isn't my mother". Yep know the type. They are azzholes.