TOTALLY GEEKED!

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
totallygeeked -> totallygeeked general -> Dear Miss Manners: Why Can't Servers Read My Mind?
Post Info TOPIC: Dear Miss Manners: Why Can't Servers Read My Mind?
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Dear Miss Manners: Why Can't Servers Read My Mind?
Permalink  
 

 

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm one spouse in a biracial, same-sex marriage. It really rips me when waitpersons don't pick up on the fact that my husband and I are a couple (let alone spouses) and ask us whether we want separate checks. So much so that I make a significant deduction to their tip (up to 50 percent if they've done something else to annoy me).

I realize this isn't teaching them anything, but short of trying to engage an already annoying person in additional unwanted chatter, what can I do to make myself feel better about the situation? Do you have any thoughts, please?

GENTLE READER: Chiefly that you stop overthinking this.

How, exactly, would you propose teaching service people to recognize that two people, of whatever race or gender, are a couple? Eavesdropping to discover if they are discussing whether the washing machine should be fixed or replaced? Checking to see if they are playing footsie under the table?

And what if they are a couple, unmarried or married, who keep separate accounts? Or one of them is taking the other out for a special treat?

Sadly, Miss Manners shouldn't think you would have to work that hard to find evidence of prejudice.

http://www.uexpress.com/miss-manners/2015/5/5/restaurant-servers-arent-supposed-to-be

 



__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
FNW


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 18703
Date:
Permalink  
 

Touchy, touchy.

__________________

#it's5o'clocksomewhere
chef


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 6644
Date:
Permalink  
 

Good grief. We need a VSS vaccine.

It has never occurred to me in my 32 years on this planet to be miffed about a server asking if separate checks were needed. It's also never occurred to me to be miffed when just one check is presented.

__________________

~At Gnome in the Kitchen~
FNW


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 18703
Date:
Permalink  
 

They're looking for problems.

__________________

#it's5o'clocksomewhere
lilyofcourse


My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Status: Offline
Posts: 38325
Date:
Permalink  
 

Stupid is as stupid does.

__________________

A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.

Charley Harper
Mellow Momma


Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Status: Offline
Posts: 7536
Date:
Permalink  
 

Ok, I am 100% a gay rights advocate and I think the OP is a total idiot. What a douche rocket.

I know quite a lot of gay and lesbian couples. None of them would be offended if this happened to them.

__________________

Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite ! 
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

And, then if they weren't a couple and they didn't give separate checks, then she would be mad about that too! Lol

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
Mellow Momma


Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Status: Offline
Posts: 7536
Date:
Permalink  
 

Servers can't win. Seriously.

__________________

Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite ! 
Lexxy


My dog name is Sasha, too!

Status: Offline
Posts: 6679
Date:
Permalink  
 

I feel sorry for his spouse! What a whiney pouty douche!

__________________
flan327


Itty bitty's Grammy

Status: Offline
Posts: 28124
Date:
Permalink  
 

Mellow Momma wrote:

Ok, I am 100% a gay rights advocate and I think the OP is a total idiot. What a douche rocket.

I know quite a lot of gay and lesbian couples. None of them would be offended if this happened to them.

 I'm silently decreasing your trip...THAT will show you!

flan



__________________

You are my sun, my moon, and all of my stars.
lilyofcourse


My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Status: Offline
Posts: 38325
Date:
Permalink  
 

Maybe they should wear matching shirts that say Mr. on both.

__________________

A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.

Charley Harper
flan327


Itty bitty's Grammy

Status: Offline
Posts: 28124
Date:
Permalink  
 

lilyofcourse wrote:

Maybe they should wear matching shirts that say Mr. on both.

 Or just French kiss at the table...

flan



__________________

You are my sun, my moon, and all of my stars.
lilyofcourse


My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Status: Offline
Posts: 38325
Date:
Permalink  
 

That's just gross no matter who is doing it.

__________________

A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.

Charley Harper
flan327


Itty bitty's Grammy

Status: Offline
Posts: 28124
Date:
Permalink  
 

lilyofcourse wrote:

That's just gross no matter who is doing it.

 Oh, I totally agree!

flan



__________________

You are my sun, my moon, and all of my stars.
Lexxy


My dog name is Sasha, too!

Status: Offline
Posts: 6679
Date:
Permalink  
 

If he really is that insecure they could hold hands on the table while reading their menus or sit on the same side of the booth sharing a menu.

__________________
Tinydancer


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 6573
Date:
Permalink  
 

When asked what they're ordering they can just say "my husband" and I will be having whatever. I still don't get the whole reason why he would think the server would be thinking about his sexual orientation while taking orders. I've been out to lunch with my DH and they've asked. I think I should go sue them now that I think about it...lol

__________________

“Until I discovered cooking, I was never really interested in anything.”
― Julia Child ―


 

 

 
Mellow Momma


Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Status: Offline
Posts: 7536
Date:
Permalink  
 

Who cares if the server knows if you are a couple or not? It doesn't change the dining experience at all. And to subtract 50% from the tip because of it is the MOST asinine thing I have ever heard.

__________________

Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite ! 
flan327


Itty bitty's Grammy

Status: Offline
Posts: 28124
Date:
Permalink  
 

Mellow Momma wrote:

Who cares if the server knows if you are a couple or not? It doesn't change the dining experience at all. And to subtract 50% from the tip because of it is the MOST asinine thing I have ever heard.

 Exactly!

flan



__________________

You are my sun, my moon, and all of my stars.
Southern_Belle


Nothing's Impossible

Status: Offline
Posts: 16913
Date:
Permalink  
 

Wow. So the wait person is punished for not being psychic.

__________________

A person's a person no matter how small.
I know what to do_sometimes


Frozen Sucks!

Status: Offline
Posts: 24384
Date:
Permalink  
 

FNW wrote:

They're looking for problems.

 



__________________

Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.

Frozen is the bestest movie ever, NOT!
Vette


Owl drink to that!

Status: Offline
Posts: 4799
Date:
Permalink  
 

I don't think he is mature enough to be going out to eat at a grown up restaurant.

__________________

Was it a bad day?

Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
Tinydancer


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 6573
Date:
Permalink  
 

VetteGirl wrote:

I don't think he is mature enough to be going out to eat at a grown up restaurant.

Ok I'm still giggling over this. The server should serve him chicken fingers no matter what he orders...lol 



__________________

“Until I discovered cooking, I was never really interested in anything.”
― Julia Child ―


 

 

 
lilyofcourse


My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Status: Offline
Posts: 38325
Date:
Permalink  
 

I'm happy when the server keeps my drink at least half full, food is right and hot and leaves extra napkins.

At least the OP wasn't about ranch dressing.

__________________

A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.

Charley Harper
Lawyerlady


On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Status: Offline
Posts: 27192
Date:
Permalink  
 

Tinydancer wrote:

When asked what they're ordering they can just say "my husband" and I will be having whatever. I still don't get the whole reason why he would think the server would be thinking about his sexual orientation while taking orders. I've been out to lunch with my DH and they've asked. I think I should go sue them now that I think about it...lol

 Well now, if he makes it clear he is gay, then if his food comes out wrong, or she forgets to refill his drink, it will be because she is homophobic.  She won't be able to win either way.



__________________

LawyerLady

 

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you. 
Divine Geek


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 4189
Date:
Permalink  
 

I used to go to eat with my (male) boss a lot. I would say 90% of the time, the server never asked if we wanted seperate checks. They would just bring him the check. It never occurred to me to be offended, silly me.

__________________

Faith makes things possible, not easy
Nobody Just Nobody


Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Status: Offline
Posts: 24026
Date:
Permalink  
 

Wow, I read these things and get so upset. I have missed so many opportunities to be offended in my lifetime.

__________________


“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!”
― Maya Angelou
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

Well, get busy! YOu can start today. By the end of the day, you will have discovered 1000 ways to be offended. Then, you can catalog and hold on to them like so many in our society do now.

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

Lawyerlady wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:

When asked what they're ordering they can just say "my husband" and I will be having whatever. I still don't get the whole reason why he would think the server would be thinking about his sexual orientation while taking orders. I've been out to lunch with my DH and they've asked. I think I should go sue them now that I think about it...lol

 Well now, if he makes it clear he is gay, then if his food comes out wrong, or she forgets to refill his drink, it will be because she is homophobic.  She won't be able to win either way.

Or, because he is black!  Racism!!!!  Wahhh!!! 



__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
JPT


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 651
Date:
Permalink  
 

Hey, it happens to us (DH and I have a mixed race marriage). Unless it's a local place where they know us, we often get asked if we need separate checks.

Heck, one of these days, I might say "Yes, we do" just to see what DH does, since he never seems to remember to bring his wallet from the car, lol!

__________________
chillepeppa


Regular

Status: Offline
Posts: 340
Date:
Permalink  
 

Seems servers need danger pay nowadays. If it's not having ESP abilities, it is not serving enough dressing. Poor buggers...

__________________

Jinkies!!
Tangerine


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 1849
Date:
Permalink  
 

Tinydancer wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:

I don't think he is mature enough to be going out to eat at a grown up restaurant.

Ok I'm still giggling over this. The server should serve him chicken fingers no matter what he orders...lol 

 Lmao! 



__________________
Vette


Owl drink to that!

Status: Offline
Posts: 4799
Date:
Permalink  
 

I've had people refer to SO as my dad, talk about awkward. Especially since we are also mixed race.

__________________

Was it a bad day?

Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
Vette


Owl drink to that!

Status: Offline
Posts: 4799
Date:
Permalink  
 

But we just laugh and joke about it, we don't think about suing anyone or running home and crying

__________________

Was it a bad day?

Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
Lexxy


My dog name is Sasha, too!

Status: Offline
Posts: 6679
Date:
Permalink  
 

VetteGirl wrote:

But we just laugh and joke about it, we don't think about suing anyone or running home and crying

 But do you still tip? biggrin



__________________
Vette


Owl drink to that!

Status: Offline
Posts: 4799
Date:
Permalink  
 

If anything we tip more for the good laugh!

__________________

Was it a bad day?

Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
totallygeeked -> totallygeeked general -> Dear Miss Manners: Why Can't Servers Read My Mind?


Create your own FREE Forum
Report Abuse 		Powered by ActiveBoard