May 12, 2015 by AMY DICKINSON / askamy@tribune.com
DEAR AMY: We have old friends who have enjoyed life for most of their marriage. They traveled, socialized, attended many events and were always looking forward to something. Lately, however, it is breaking our hearts to see that they have given in to physical ailments and they have now stopped socializing, traveling and essentially remain in their house for most of the day. We can see the gradual deterioration in the quality of their lives, but we are unable to help them. Is there any way we can help them without appearing to interfere?
Concerned Friends
DEAR CONCERNED: You are not powerless. In fact, at this stage of your friends' lives, you are extremely powerful. Your presence in their living room visiting with them could make a bigger impact on them now than it did back when they were your running buddies.
Please, attend to them. Do not judge them for "giving in" to physical ailments. Love them as they are and adjust your perceptions in order to enjoy their company now. Offer practical help: driving, shopping, cleaning and home maintenance.
Too often, friends and family members stay away from older or infirm loved ones at the very time they need so much. Of course, it is very difficult to see loved ones change and start to fail, but my theory about this is that others' infirmities make all of us anxious about our own lives. So, deal with it.
If you can show up for your friends, you will not only continue to honor your long friendship by bearing witness to them now, but you will receive a lot in return. This is the real "heavy lift" of friendship. I hope you're up to the challenge.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
Giving in to physical ailments?? What kind of thinking is that? I do not know anyone who has given in to physical ailments; but I know a lot of people who are trying to cope with them. Sometimes they just have to give in... OP will probably have to cope with these kind of things in his/her own life; hope they don't give in.... Hmmmm.
People get tired. Sometimes you just need to step away and nurse yourself. And not everyone is into being busy all the timeeither. Some ppeople like being homebodies. Maybe they aren't up for traveling anymore. So invite them out for lunch at a local restaurant instead.
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