Q. Grad Announcements: I’m about to graduate college and am wondering about graduation announcements. My dad passed away unexpectedly last fall—it’s still incredibly hard, and we’re still working our way through it. I wouldn’t have thought twice about sending his closest friends announcements, especially considering many of them knew how important it was to him that I graduated—he never finished college himself. But now I’m afraid they’re going to think we’re hitting them up for money. I know I might be being ridiculous and expect they’d probably be happy to hear from us, but it would be nice to have another’s perspective.
A: I agree with Miss Manners about graduation announcements—she questions their purpose since the people who don’t know are so distant from you they really don’t care, and the people who do know, well, know. But it sounds as if in your case you would like to reach out to a handful of your father’s closest friends and tell them the good news, and more than that, give them an update on your life. So instead of printed announcements, write a short note for each. Say you wanted to let them know you had graduated, and you know how pleased your father would have been. Say you all still miss him acutely, but it’s getting easier as time goes on, and you’re looking forward to [fill in the blank of your next step]. Thank them for their support during your loss. They will all appreciate hearing from you, and yes, maybe some will be moved to send a gift, but no one will think it’s a gift grab.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
Each year we get bombarded with graduations invitations from distant friends and relatives all over the country. Not just college, high school, too. I stopped sending money. I figure since I received no response to the birth announcements I sent out to them, that the purpose of their sending me invitation is to just update me on their life.
I'd send them. If it hasn't been long since dad died, and they would have been sent before, they should be sent now.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Q. Grad Announcements: I’m about to graduate college and am wondering about graduation announcements. My dad passed away unexpectedly last fall—it’s still incredibly hard, and we’re still working our way through it. I wouldn’t have thought twice about sending his closest friends announcements, especially considering many of them knew how important it was to him that I graduated—he never finished college himself. But now I’m afraid they’re going to think we’re hitting them up for money. I know I might be being ridiculous and expect they’d probably be happy to hear from us, but it would be nice to have another’s perspective.
A: I agree with Miss Manners about graduation announcements—she questions their purpose since the people who don’t know are so distant from you they really don’t care, and the people who do know, well, know. But it sounds as if in your case you would like to reach out to a handful of your father’s closest friends and tell them the good news, and more than that, give them an update on your life. So instead of printed announcements, write a short note for each. Say you wanted to let them know you had graduated, and you know how pleased your father would have been. Say you all still miss him acutely, but it’s getting easier as time goes on, and you’re looking forward to [fill in the blank of your next step]. Thank them for their support during your loss. They will all appreciate hearing from you, and yes, maybe some will be moved to send a gift, but no one will think it’s a gift grab.
That's is not really Miss manners advice. They are for the third group those that would care but may not know about it.
We get a few each year. We send a card of congratulations sometimes.
Sometimes we send nothing.
Family may get a little something more.
When I graduated, I was surprised at the things I got from people I didn't know. About $500 in cash. And other gifts.
Funny story. A few years after graduating I was cleaning out a drawer and found the stack of cards from graduation. I was going through them and found one that got looked over at the time. It had $100 in it. I almost through it away with the stack.
I hadn't sent a thank you for it either. So, about 3 years later, I sent one.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I didn't send any out for my son. I don't see the point. We have very few relatives left so I am not going to send them to distant people relatives who don't really give a hoot.
No need to feel dumb, feel generous. I'm sure your gift will be much appreciated. The only one outside of close family I gave to were the children of close friends, the kids I knew personally.
