TOTALLY GEEKED!

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Forging ahead Friday

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

Morning! Let's get through this day and on to the weekend!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Yep, both DS and I are forging ahead in our respective career fields.

Morning everyone!

Does that mean you are getting promoted or just up today for the daily grind? smile

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

DS1's divorce was finalized yesterday.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Oh. How do you feel about that flan?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Oh. How do you feel about that flan?

Conflicted.

He seems happier, though.

He's known her for 10 years. I bonded with her, and I guess I wish that she could have gotten the help that she needed. I tried.

flan

TrudyML · Guru

Sorry, Flannie.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

TrudyML wrote:
Sorry, Flannie.

Thanks.

They WERE happy together.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Are people happier after divorce? I don't know. I think then it just creates another set of problems when kids are involved. But, it is what it is. Hopefully, they both find the peace they are seeking.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Are people happier after divorce? I don't know. I think then it just creates another set of problems when kids are involved. But, it is what it is. Hopefully, they both find the peace they are seeking.

And no matter how old they are, you hurt for your kids.

Ex-DIL was severely abused by her mother. I've spoken about it here. Unfortunately, it left her with anger issues. While I never saw any physical fights, but I did hear some incredibly nasty words. Later I told DS that she had no right to speak to him like that.

So maybe not happiness, but certainly less stress.

flan

TrudyML · Guru

Sad all around.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Yes, Trudy, it is.

flan

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

That is really sad, flan.

I hope she gets some help.

She sounds like a very unhappy person.

That's a shame. cry

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Fort Worth Mom wrote:
That is really sad, flan.
I hope she gets some help.
She sounds like a very unhappy person.
That's a shame.

She just wants her mother to love her...Her mother is toxic, crazy, paranoid...

I tried to show her what a real mother was, and tell her that she COULD change.

She's a strong, funny woman. I miss her.

flan

Blankie · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Fort Worth Mom wrote:
That is really sad, flan.
I hope she gets some help.
She sounds like a very unhappy person.
That's a shame.
She just wants her mother to love her...Her mother is toxic, crazy, paranoid...
I tried to show her what a real mother was, and tell her that she COULD change.
She's a strong, funny woman. I miss her.
flan

Love is never wasted. Those seeds you planted may grow some day.

ed11563 · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Fort Worth Mom wrote:
That is really sad, flan.
I hope she gets some help.
She sounds like a very unhappy person.
That's a shame.
She just wants her mother to love her...Her mother is toxic, crazy, paranoid...
I tried to show her what a real mother was, and tell her that she COULD change.
She's a strong, funny woman. I miss her.
flan

Could you call her up to talk, maybe catch up, tell her how you feel?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Blankie wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Fort Worth Mom wrote:
That is really sad, flan.
I hope she gets some help.
She sounds like a very unhappy person.
That's a shame.
She just wants her mother to love her...Her mother is toxic, crazy, paranoid...
I tried to show her what a real mother was, and tell her that she COULD change.
She's a strong, funny woman. I miss her.
flan
Love is never wasted. Those seeds you planted may grow some day.

Geez, Blankie, you're making me cry.

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

ed11563 wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Fort Worth Mom wrote:
That is really sad, flan.
I hope she gets some help.
She sounds like a very unhappy person.
That's a shame.
She just wants her mother to love her...Her mother is toxic, crazy, paranoid...
I tried to show her what a real mother was, and tell her that she COULD change.
She's a strong, funny woman. I miss her.
flan
Could you call her up to talk, maybe catch up, tell her how you feel?

Yes, I'm going to send her a card. DS1 said that she still asks about us.

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Morning ya'll. Last day of vacation. We go home tomorrow morning, bright and early.

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

lilyofcourse wrote:
Morning ya'll. Last day of vacation. We go home tomorrow morning, bright and early.

Enjoy your last day at the beach, Lily! smile

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Vacations always go way too fast...

flan

TrudyML · Guru

I want to leave!

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Yes. A person can be extremely happy after divorce. Matter of fact, when people ask about my marital status, I reply happily divorced.

And it doesn't have to be hard or stressful on the kids. The marriage ended, a true adult will not make things hard on the kids.

Your son will be just fine. So will your grandbaby.

But I know parents worry. I completely understand that.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

lilyofcourse wrote:
Yes. A person can be extremely happy after divorce. Matter of fact, when people ask about my marital status, I reply happily divorced.

And it doesn't have to be hard or stressful on the kids. The marriage ended, a true adult will not make things hard on the kids.

Your son will be just fine. So will your grandbaby.

But I know parents worry. I completely understand that.

Lily, this is the son in Chicago. They don't have kids.

We were DIL's support system for so long. Yeah, I worry about both of them.

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Ah.

Even better. He will be better off without her.

You can only do so much for another before it is a losing battle.

Ya'll tried. Time to remove the cancer from your lives.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

Morning everyone. It is Friday. Yay!

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

lilyofcourse wrote:
Ah.

Even better. He will be better off without her.

You can only do so much for another before it is a losing battle.

Ya'll tried. Time to remove the cancer from your lives.

She's just a girl who was beaten by her mother on a regular basis & kicked out of the house many times, for no reason. She adores her half-sisters & they love her.

What kind of woman tells their child: "I wish I had had an abortion"?

flan

Ohfour · Hooker

Lets see...
Going to get a mani-pedi this evening right after work. Then I will go home and gather everything together for Sweetness's party tomorrow (yay...).

Tomorrow is party day. I just hope I don't go off on somebody. I'm really not in the mood for people's schitt right now.

G's at the lake and I would give $1000 to be with him right now...

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Ohfour wrote:
Lets see...
Going to get a mani-pedi this evening right after work. Then I will go home and gather everything together for Sweetness's party tomorrow (yay...).
Tomorrow is party day. I just hope I don't go off on somebody. I'm really not in the mood for people's schitt right now.
G's at the lake and I would give $1000 to be with him right now...

If I wasn't working tomorrow, I would drive down & be your chaperone!

flan

ed11563 · Guru

flan327 wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Ah.

Even better. He will be better off without her.

You can only do so much for another before it is a losing battle.

Ya'll tried. Time to remove the cancer from your lives.
She's just a girl who was beaten by her mother on a regular basis & kicked out of the house many times, for no reason. She adores her half-sisters & they love her.
What kind of woman tells their child: "I wish I had had an abortion"?
flan

My MIL never SAID that, but they are similar people.

Vicious. Mean. Power mad. Psychotic (maybe).

And the battered, abused children keep wanting to make Mommy love them.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

flan327 wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Ah.

Even better. He will be better off without her.

You can only do so much for another before it is a losing battle.

Ya'll tried. Time to remove the cancer from your lives.
She's just a girl who was beaten by her mother on a regular basis & kicked out of the house many times, for no reason. She adores her half-sisters & they love her.
What kind of woman tells their child: "I wish I had had an abortion"?
flan

A bad mom.

But, this a grown woman and she is responsible for her life choices regardless of what happened prior to becoming an adult.

This woman has been toxic to your son. A person doesn't continue to poison themselves once they realize how it is hurting them.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lily, I'm done with you on this thread.

Do you have ANY compassion?

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

ed11563 wrote:
flan327 wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Ah.

Even better. He will be better off without her.

You can only do so much for another before it is a losing battle.

Ya'll tried. Time to remove the cancer from your lives.
She's just a girl who was beaten by her mother on a regular basis & kicked out of the house many times, for no reason. She adores her half-sisters & they love her.
What kind of woman tells their child: "I wish I had had an abortion"?
flan
My MIL never SAID that, but they are similar people.
Vicious. Mean. Power mad. Psychotic (maybe).

And the battered, abused children keep wanting to make Mommy love them.

Exactly, ed.

I once held her as she cried, saying, "I don't care if my mom beats me. I just want her to love me."

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

flan327 wrote:
Lily, I'm done with you on this thread.

Do you have ANY compassion?

flan

Yes. I do. More than you apparently.

I feel for the girl. But I expect adults to act like adults.

I don't get why you would want to carry her past on your shoulders. It isn't your problem now. It isn't your sons problem now.

Again, you don't continue to poison yourself once you realize it's poison.

But wallow in someone else's problems if you want.

The best thing about divorce, is no longer carrying someone else's baggage.

jlbear71 · Guru

Hugs, Flan, to you and your xDIL. My own mother was that daughter. Which I thinks makes our relationship that much harder. Parents like that are incapable of loving.

jlbear71 · Guru

My ILs maintained compassion and sincerity for DH's ex. She was the mother of their grandchild. Even she had not been, I think they would have shown her compassion no matter what because that is who they were/are. They welcomed her as family once and knew she was damaged. They could not just erase it that easily.

-- Edited by jlbear71 on Friday 29th of May 2015 11:42:01 AM

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

No one says you treat someone badly.

But you don't continue to carry them.

NAOW · Vette's SS

Being kind to someone is not wallowing in their problems.

Honeys_Mom · Mod & Permanent Board Sweetheart

NAOW wrote:
Being kind to someone is not wallowing in their problems.

This. Same concept (to me) as forgiveness. True forgiveness stands alone and doesn't mean trust or love or "now we can hang out". It means dropping the load of resentment/hate from your own shoulders.

Kindness, in the same way, has no strings. It is simply a healing balm that makes the world a better place. Enabling isn't kindness, it is a different animal, and we need to beware the difference.

HM waxes philosophical this morning. Happy Friday, Geeks! biggrin

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Honeys_Mom wrote:
NAOW wrote:
Being kind to someone is not wallowing in their problems.
This. Same concept (to me) as forgiveness. True forgiveness stands alone and doesn't mean trust or love or "now we can hang out". It means dropping the load of resentment/hate from your own shoulders.
Kindness, in the same way, has no strings. It is simply a healing balm that makes the world a better place. Enabling isn't kindness, it is a different animal, and we need to beware the difference.
HM waxes philosophical this morning. Happy Friday, Geeks!

I agree with both of you.

Flan wants to maintain a relationship with the mother of her granddaughter. I understand that need for a positive relationship. There is nothing wrong with wanting a positive relationship and keeping the lines open. It's a win win for the child in the long run.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

NAOW wrote:
Being kind to someone is not wallowing in their problems.

Exactly!!!

She was a part of my life for almost 10 years. I'm not going to cut off all contact because she's "poison." NOTHING could be further from the truth.

I sent her a card this morning, so we'll go from there.

I WANT HER TO KNOW THAT I AM HERE IF SHE NEEDS ME.

flan

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Gosh, it's almost noon and I've been all over the place! And it's raining again!!

I'm not complaining about the rain, I'm just surprised since we weren't suppose to get rain today.

Good morning!

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

just Czech wrote:
Honeys_Mom wrote:
NAOW wrote:
Being kind to someone is not wallowing in their problems.
This. Same concept (to me) as forgiveness. True forgiveness stands alone and doesn't mean trust or love or "now we can hang out". It means dropping the load of resentment/hate from your own shoulders.
Kindness, in the same way, has no strings. It is simply a healing balm that makes the world a better place. Enabling isn't kindness, it is a different animal, and we need to beware the difference.
HM waxes philosophical this morning. Happy Friday, Geeks!
I agree with both of you.
Flan wants to maintain a relationship with the mother of her granddaughter. I understand that need for a positive relationship. There is nothing wrong with wanting a positive relationship and keeping the lines open. It's a win win for the child in the long run.

No, not this DIL... smile

I love her. Period.

flan

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

flan327 wrote:
just Czech wrote:
Honeys_Mom wrote:
NAOW wrote:
Being kind to someone is not wallowing in their problems.
This. Same concept (to me) as forgiveness. True forgiveness stands alone and doesn't mean trust or love or "now we can hang out". It means dropping the load of resentment/hate from your own shoulders.
Kindness, in the same way, has no strings. It is simply a healing balm that makes the world a better place. Enabling isn't kindness, it is a different animal, and we need to beware the difference.
HM waxes philosophical this morning. Happy Friday, Geeks!
I agree with both of you.
Flan wants to maintain a relationship with the mother of her granddaughter. I understand that need for a positive relationship. There is nothing wrong with wanting a positive relationship and keeping the lines open. It's a win win for the child in the long run.
No, not this DIL...
I love her. Period.
flan

Oh, sorry, I got the wrong one, but I'm glad you still can love her for herself. That is a good quality in you.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

jlbear71 wrote:
Hugs, Flan, to you and your xDIL. My own mother was that daughter. Which I thinks makes our relationship that much harder. Parents like that are incapable of loving.

And it's so very sad that the abuse suffered by one person often is visited on his or her children.

flan

FNW · Guru

No matter how hard we try, we cannot fix another person. It's sad to watch people you care about hurting.

Not sure what I'll do this weekend.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

FNW wrote:
No matter how hard we try, we cannot fix another person. It's sad to watch people you care about hurting.

Not sure what I'll do this weekend.

That's a hard truth, for sure.

flan

Tangerine · Guru

I'm feeling pathetic and grumpy today. I hate Fridays.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

Tangerine wrote:
I'm feeling pathetic and grumpy today. I hate Fridays.

Says no one ever!! Why do you hate Fridays?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

NAOW wrote:
Being kind to someone is not wallowing in their problems.

I didn't say not to be kind.

But they divorced for a reason.

Why keep the stress?

Divorce is about not carrying the other persons baggage anymore.