That girl needs to toughen up and those parents need to teach her to take a joke.

I don't see an issue with the two situations presented in the letter. My Uncle teases in such a manner but his body language, tone of voice, etc. makes it clear he is teasing.

karl271 wrote:

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Does not sound like a "bright, social and engaging 5 year old to me."

Unless they have some really bad relatives and friends a 5 year old should be able to tell when a joke is being made....

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 ITA

Yeah I don't get that NAOW. They say how smart she is and all but she's still only five. If her feelings are hurt that easily the parents need to be stepping in.

-- Edited by Nobody Just Nobody on Saturday 13th of June 2015 09:52:42 PM

I agree. If I ask a kid if I can take their new baby home and they seem upset that would be the end of it. I would drop it. Not keep on. That's why this whole thing sounds fishy to me. The parents aren't standing up and the guests are just mercilessly going on.

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Something just seems off to me.

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 Yep. 

There is nothing wrong with this kid. She is acting like any 5 year old would in this situation. It's the relatives. They probably aren't giving any visual or bodily cues that they are joking. And the one who laughed after making the kid cry sounds insane.

sweet tooth wrote:

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There is nothing wrong with this kid. She is acting like any 5 year old would in this situation. It's the relatives. They probably aren't giving any visual or bodily cues that they are joking. And the one who laughed after making the kid cry sounds insane.

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Yes, that's just not playing fair when you don't give visual cues like winks and such, for a young child.. My brother used to do that with my nieces and nephews, before he had kids of his own. He was totally deadpan, not even a smirk. The little ones didn't have any idea he was joking. Some of them started to avoid him because it was no fun for them. 

NAOW wrote:

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I agree with everyone. There have been times when DD was unable to tell if a person was teasing, like if it's someone she doesn't know well, but that is when I would step in and clue her in. Why are the parents just standing by and watching their daughter become panicked and upset?

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 Yeah.  Why make a huge issue out of it?  What is wrong with just saying "oh, you know uncle ebeneezer is just teasing you".  I'm sure they don't expect her to break down in tears.

I did make a3 year old cry once. I told her that "Frozen" sucks.


I wasn't teasing, though. Just being truthful.

TrudyML wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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I did make a3 year old cry once. I told her that "Frozen" sucks.


I wasn't teasing, though. Just being truthful.

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Did you actually say 'sucks'?  LOL 

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 And did you actually see the movie?

That's two hours of my life wasted that I can never get back. And that song--simply dreadful.

Some children are just more sensitive than others. Some use their tears to get their way. Some adults are just mean to children, and seem to enjoy it.

The parents should be stepping in sooner when they can see their daughter start to get upset. Let her know what they are doing.

I don't know about all schools, but I think my boys are being taught (in school, not by me) that "teasing" is not a nice thing to do. Knowing this I "joke" and "kid" with my boys. Same thing, but they don't associate my "kidding" as something that is not nice. And I usually raise an eyebrow, or do something that lets them know I'm joking and they get a kick out of it. If someone "teased" my boys in a mean way, I would let the boys know they were teasing and let them handle it the way they are learning to handle when people are not nice to them. If I thought it was a harmless tease, I would let the boys know it was a prank and they'd have fun with it.

It doesn't sound like the LW's relatives are teasing in a good way, if they go on and on to the point of bringing her to tears. I agree with the advice given.

And I have said when something "sucks" in front of the boys. I try not to, but sometimes it just comes out. They aren't traumatized, even when it involves something they like.

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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I agree with you FNW. (Twice now in one day! I'm on a roll.) SS's school is teaching them the same thing. Sometimes I think it's good and sometimes I think we're now raising a generation of sissies that can't take a joke. I am not talking about saying mean things disguised as a joke even. We are constantly working with SS to recognize appropriate humor and non appropriate humor.

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 But I don't see anything overtly "mean" in the described scenarios.  The fact she is about to burst into tears over what was presented in the letter is ridiculous.

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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I don't either. I thought they said someone said they would kidnap her brother but they just said they would take him. I've often said that to a five year old when visiting a new baby. Jokingly said, "Can I take your new brother home?" Most kids know you're teasing. And I've probably told my SS that it's my bday cake and not his. Well actually, I have. Our bdays are one day apart. We DO usually share a cake.

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 I think it is all in the tone & body language.  And it sounds like the relatives didn't stop at saying it once.

My nephew has no sense of humor. I said something teasing to him once, and he looked at me like I had 2 heads. I said, "I was joking, honey." His response? "It wasn't funny" said in all seriousness as if he was chastising me. It was all I could do not to laugh like crazy.

-- Edited by Lawyerlady on Monday 15th of June 2015 03:17:38 PM

Lawyerlady wrote:

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My nephew has no sense of humor. I said something teasing to him once, and he looked at me like I had 2 heads. I said, "I was joking, honey." His response? "It wasn't funny" said in all seriousness as if he was chastising me. It was all I could do not to laugh like crazy.

-- Edited by Lawyerlady on Monday 15th of June 2015 03:17:38 PM

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 This is pretty much my SS.  He gets all butt hurt and goes in his room and pouts.  Funny thing is he loves to tease other people.

I have had to stop people from saying truly hurtful things to my kids. I wasn't any where near PC or polite about it either.

There is a difference between playful teasing and being mean
Generally, I think we know what that difference is.

I will say this, we don't have a lot of information about the child. When Jesse was little, he was easier to upset because he didn't understand the social cues. So some one teasing him about taking a sibling home, well, he would have believed them.

But that is where I had to step in and help him see it was a joke.

You know the "got your nose" game you play with kids? He would freak out and cry over that game. Because he believed it.

Now I am not saying anything is wrong other than this little family isn't doing what they all need to do. Just that after I thought about it, maybe there is more to this.

Either way, mom and dad has a lot of work to do.