Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I don't see how mom thinks it is somehow less "traumatic" for her daughter to watch her die either way. Death is traumatic. And, part of being a human being on this planet is learning to cope with that. And, rarely do these situations play out all nice and tidy like people think they well. It isn't like one day you are a fully functioning human being and the next day your are not. There are variations and gradations of deterioration. And, you may lose some of your physical abilities but still have your mental faculties or vice versa. So, timing one's death is not some easy thing to do. And, what is the right time anyway? As my mom declined it was in stages where she would get a little better, then slip back and so forth. One step forward, two steps back. She had periods where she was lucid and could hug the kids, etc. I also think that going through this and having the kids see this was an lesson for them in humanity and compassion that is going to missed. Just kill grandma and get it over with so nobody has to "deal" with any issues and go back to their iphones.

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I saw my mother 2 days before she died. I never want to subject my kids to that vision.

Mom's choices were hers. I value quality of life over quantity.

flan 

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I don't see how mom thinks it is somehow less "traumatic" for her daughter to watch her die either way. Death is traumatic. And, part of being a human being on this planet is learning to cope with that. And, rarely do these situations play out all nice and tidy like people think they well. It isn't like one day you are a fully functioning human being and the next day your are not. There are variations and gradations of deterioration. And, you may lose some of your physical abilities but still have your mental faculties or vice versa. So, timing one's death is not some easy thing to do. And, what is the right time anyway? As my mom declined it was in stages where she would get a little better, then slip back and so forth. One step forward, two steps back. She had periods where she was lucid and could hug the kids, etc. I also think that going through this and having the kids see this was an lesson for them in humanity and compassion that is going to missed. Just kill grandma and get it over with so nobody has to "deal" with any issues and go back to their iphones.

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I saw my mother 2 days before she died. I never want to subject my kids to that vision.

Mom's choices were hers. I value quality of life over quantity.

flan 

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What will happen if you "subject your kids to that vision" flan?  I "subjected" my kids to seeing my mom in ICU and going to the nursing home to sit with her.  I absolutely did.  I think it was an important lesson for them to see the cycle of life and human beings not only at are best moments but also at our worst.  We are going to raise a generation who don't know or understand how to deal with the frailities of being human. 

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I agree with LGS. Our children learn from death as much as they learn from life. You need both skills to gain emotional fortitude for a balanced life. Buck up buttercup. 

flan327 wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I don't see how mom thinks it is somehow less "traumatic" for her daughter to watch her die either way. Death is traumatic. And, part of being a human being on this planet is learning to cope with that. And, rarely do these situations play out all nice and tidy like people think they well. It isn't like one day you are a fully functioning human being and the next day your are not. There are variations and gradations of deterioration. And, you may lose some of your physical abilities but still have your mental faculties or vice versa. So, timing one's death is not some easy thing to do. And, what is the right time anyway? As my mom declined it was in stages where she would get a little better, then slip back and so forth. One step forward, two steps back. She had periods where she was lucid and could hug the kids, etc. I also think that going through this and having the kids see this was an lesson for them in humanity and compassion that is going to missed. Just kill grandma and get it over with so nobody has to "deal" with any issues and go back to their iphones.

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I saw my mother 2 days before she died. I never want to subject my kids to that vision.

Mom's choices were hers. I value quality of life over quantity.

flan 

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 Why not?  You can't protect them from every death they will ever experience.  Would you NOT have wanted to see your mother on her deathbed?  You would have preferred she die alone?

flan327 wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I don't see how mom thinks it is somehow less "traumatic" for her daughter to watch her die either way. Death is traumatic. And, part of being a human being on this planet is learning to cope with that. And, rarely do these situations play out all nice and tidy like people think they well. It isn't like one day you are a fully functioning human being and the next day your are not. There are variations and gradations of deterioration. And, you may lose some of your physical abilities but still have your mental faculties or vice versa. So, timing one's death is not some easy thing to do. And, what is the right time anyway? As my mom declined it was in stages where she would get a little better, then slip back and so forth. One step forward, two steps back. She had periods where she was lucid and could hug the kids, etc. I also think that going through this and having the kids see this was an lesson for them in humanity and compassion that is going to missed. Just kill grandma and get it over with so nobody has to "deal" with any issues and go back to their iphones.

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I saw my mother 2 days before she died. I never want to subject my kids to that vision.

Mom's choices were hers. I value quality of life over quantity.

flan 

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 Why not?  You can't protect them from every death they will ever experience.  Would you NOT have wanted to see your mother on her deathbed?  You would have preferred she die alone?

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 I flew out for my dad, because he took care of her 24/7. It was MOM'S choice not to move back home.

flan

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Flan, her choice not to move back home has nothing to do with being with her when she passed. Two separate issues entirely. 

FNW wrote:

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Personally, and I believe it's a personal choice, I would want to comfort my children, and tell them that even though I look horrible, and I'm in pain, it's only temporary. I would try to reassure them that they would forever remain in my heart, and that I would be taking their love with me in the afterlife. And that they will be fine and I will be fine. And that even though it would appear to them that I am suffering, which I might be, I will gladly do it so that I might spend one more minute with them. Because I would want to spend as much time with my children as I possibly could.

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Beautifully said!

just Czech wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I don't see how mom thinks it is somehow less "traumatic" for her daughter to watch her die either way. Death is traumatic. And, part of being a human being on this planet is learning to cope with that. And, rarely do these situations play out all nice and tidy like people think they well. It isn't like one day you are a fully functioning human being and the next day your are not. There are variations and gradations of deterioration. And, you may lose some of your physical abilities but still have your mental faculties or vice versa. So, timing one's death is not some easy thing to do. And, what is the right time anyway? As my mom declined it was in stages where she would get a little better, then slip back and so forth. One step forward, two steps back. She had periods where she was lucid and could hug the kids, etc. I also think that going through this and having the kids see this was an lesson for them in humanity and compassion that is going to missed. Just kill grandma and get it over with so nobody has to "deal" with any issues and go back to their iphones.

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I saw my mother 2 days before she died. I never want to subject my kids to that vision.

Mom's choices were hers. I value quality of life over quantity.

flan 

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 Why not?  You can't protect them from every death they will ever experience.  Would you NOT have wanted to see your mother on her deathbed?  You would have preferred she die alone?

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 I flew out for my dad, because he took care of her 24/7. It was MOM'S choice not to move back home.

flan

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Flan, her choice not to move back home has nothing to do with being with her when she passed. Two separate issues entirely. 

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 Yeah, I didn't even understand that response.  It had nothing to do with what I posted.

flan327 wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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just Czech wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I don't see how mom thinks it is somehow less "traumatic" for her daughter to watch her die either way. Death is traumatic. And, part of being a human being on this planet is learning to cope with that. And, rarely do these situations play out all nice and tidy like people think they well. It isn't like one day you are a fully functioning human being and the next day your are not. There are variations and gradations of deterioration. And, you may lose some of your physical abilities but still have your mental faculties or vice versa. So, timing one's death is not some easy thing to do. And, what is the right time anyway? As my mom declined it was in stages where she would get a little better, then slip back and so forth. One step forward, two steps back. She had periods where she was lucid and could hug the kids, etc. I also think that going through this and having the kids see this was an lesson for them in humanity and compassion that is going to missed. Just kill grandma and get it over with so nobody has to "deal" with any issues and go back to their iphones.

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I saw my mother 2 days before she died. I never want to subject my kids to that vision.

Mom's choices were hers. I value quality of life over quantity.

flan 

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 Why not?  You can't protect them from every death they will ever experience.  Would you NOT have wanted to see your mother on her deathbed?  You would have preferred she die alone?

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 I flew out for my dad, because he took care of her 24/7. It was MOM'S choice not to move back home.

flan

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Flan, her choice not to move back home has nothing to do with being with her when she passed. Two separate issues entirely. 

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 Yeah, I didn't even understand that response.  It had nothing to do with what I posted.

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 You said: "You would have preferred she die alone?"

After dad retired & the grandkids were born, my brother & I asked them to move back to Indy. Dad's siblings were here & he would have moved in a heartbeat. Mom was the one who refused.

Then Mom had her mastectomy, went through the treatments, and maybe 5 years later, it metastasized. We were 500 miles away & couldn't help.

flan

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I can understand the distance in travel time. What I don't understand though is why you wouldn't want to be with her when she passed, or your kids? 

Maybe it's a different perspective on an overall view of life. When my MIL passed, we all gathered with her, well, all but one.

When my dad passed, we were all there in the last few days, grand kids and great grand kids as well. No one had a problem emotionally, with spending end of life time with my dad. And he wasn't pretty those last five days.

just Czech wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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just Czech wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I don't see how mom thinks it is somehow less "traumatic" for her daughter to watch her die either way. Death is traumatic. And, part of being a human being on this planet is learning to cope with that. And, rarely do these situations play out all nice and tidy like people think they well. It isn't like one day you are a fully functioning human being and the next day your are not. There are variations and gradations of deterioration. And, you may lose some of your physical abilities but still have your mental faculties or vice versa. So, timing one's death is not some easy thing to do. And, what is the right time anyway? As my mom declined it was in stages where she would get a little better, then slip back and so forth. One step forward, two steps back. She had periods where she was lucid and could hug the kids, etc. I also think that going through this and having the kids see this was an lesson for them in humanity and compassion that is going to missed. Just kill grandma and get it over with so nobody has to "deal" with any issues and go back to their iphones.

---

I saw my mother 2 days before she died. I never want to subject my kids to that vision.

Mom's choices were hers. I value quality of life over quantity.

flan 

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 Why not?  You can't protect them from every death they will ever experience.  Would you NOT have wanted to see your mother on her deathbed?  You would have preferred she die alone?

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 I flew out for my dad, because he took care of her 24/7. It was MOM'S choice not to move back home.

flan

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Flan, her choice not to move back home has nothing to do with being with her when she passed. Two separate issues entirely. 

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 Yeah, I didn't even understand that response.  It had nothing to do with what I posted.

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 You said: "You would have preferred she die alone?"

After dad retired & the grandkids were born, my brother & I asked them to move back to Indy. Dad's siblings were here & he would have moved in a heartbeat. Mom was the one who refused.

Then Mom had her mastectomy, went through the treatments, and maybe 5 years later, it metastasized. We were 500 miles away & couldn't help.

flan

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I can understand the distance in travel time. What I don't understand though is why you wouldn't want to be with her when she passed, or your kids? 

Maybe it's a different perspective on an overall view of life. When my MIL passed, we all gathered with her, well, all but one.

When my dad passed, we were all there in the last few days, grand kids and great grand kids as well. No one had a problem emotionally, with spending end of life time with my dad. And he wasn't pretty those last five days.

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 Mom and I were never close. My younger brother chose to stay in Indy, and they WERE close. I'm guessing he wasn't strong enough to handle seeing her.

And my family has always had problems. I made sure my boys saw their grandparents twice a year, but Mom rarely came to visit us. When she was still working, she always said that she didn't want to "waste" her vacation days visiting family...so yeah...

flan

lilyofcourse wrote:

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I can understand not wanting your child to be scared. Of any thing that happens, illness or injury, knowing they are scared always hurt me more than anything.

But dying is a fact of life. By 21, this daughter should know this.

And really, the mom isn't wanting to do this for her daughter. It's for herself. SHE doesn't want to go through the final days.

I know I want as much time as I can get with my kids. I won't ever hasten my departure from them.

This culture of death is so foreign to me. I guess I don't understand giving up. I'm a fighter and I expect others to be.

As long as there is breath, there is life. Fight for it.

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 You have the right to decide that for YOURSELF, not for me or anyone else.

flan

flan327 wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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I can understand not wanting your child to be scared. Of any thing that happens, illness or injury, knowing they are scared always hurt me more than anything.

But dying is a fact of life. By 21, this daughter should know this.

And really, the mom isn't wanting to do this for her daughter. It's for herself. SHE doesn't want to go through the final days.

I know I want as much time as I can get with my kids. I won't ever hasten my departure from them.

This culture of death is so foreign to me. I guess I don't understand giving up. I'm a fighter and I expect others to be.

As long as there is breath, there is life. Fight for it.

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 You have the right to decide that for YOURSELF, not for me or anyone else.

flan

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 Agreed.  The poor woman is dying, the spectre of the pain and suffering is impacting what little quality time she may have left.  I think she should have the right to make the decision.

Ohfour wrote:

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I just went through this with a friend. Her mother was diagnosed with lung and bone cancer just a couple if months ago. They gave her 6 months to live. For 2 months, she lived with her daughter and grandchildren enjoying every minute. The last two weeks were hell. She was told she could go "anyminute". That was not true. For the last week, she begged the angels to take her, she was in so much pain she could not sleep. It was heart wrenching. I wish this option would have been available to her. I would never want me or anyone I love to go through that. That is not living. People that are terminal should have the option.

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 This times 1000!

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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Helping a loved one through the dying process is a privilege. I feel comforted knowing I helped my mom in her last weeks.

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 With my friend, there was no comfort. She was in undeniable pain for TWO weeks. No one should have to suffer that... 

Ohfour wrote:

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I just went through this with a friend. Her mother was diagnosed with lung and bone cancer just a couple if months ago. They gave her 6 months to live. For 2 months, she lived with her daughter and grandchildren enjoying every minute. The last two weeks were hell. She was told she could go "anyminute". That was not true. For the last week, she begged the angels to take her, she was in so much pain she could not sleep. It was heart wrenching. I wish this option would have been available to her. I would never want me or anyone I love to go through that. That is not living. People that are terminal should have the option.

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 Hospice.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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Why does she ASSUME that assisted suicide will be easier for her daughter? That isnt necessarily true at all. Suicide often leaves more unanswered questions than answers.

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I assume that she has talked to her daughter & explained her reasons for her decision.

flan