TOTALLY GEEKED!

Tangerine · Guru

I need some help with an awkward social situation

Tignanello · My dog name is, Sasha!

Threaten to slug her?

TrudyML · Guru

Grab her hand and say, don't ever touch me again. Got it? Then punch her.

TrudyML · Guru

Tell her, Don't drink! I don't want you mauling me later!

Ohfour · Hooker

I would have you husband step in and when she gets close to you, have him say, please do not touch my wife. If she does it again, drop the please and say, do not touch my wife. If she does it again, leave.

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

Wow, that's a good question!

I guess I would be on my guard, and not let her get close enough to lay her paws on me.

I'm not sure what else you can do.

Besides slug her, if she grabs you.

Hopefully the Geeks will have some ideas for you.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Why "have to" see them again?

This would likely earn a punch from your husband if a man was doing it. Or a kick in the nuts from you. She is likely going to need a strong response from you to stop, like slapping her hands away and shoving her back when she tries to kiss you.

Honeys_Mom · Mod & Permanent Board Sweetheart

All I can tell you, Tang, is what I would do.... and I'm serious. I am a very private person and do NOT like an unvited touch, regardless of who the toucher is.

During the next double-date, invite her to the powder room at an appropriate time and linger there "chatting" until the room is hopefully empty. Grab her hair from behind and smack her head against the wall. Not hard enough to break her nose, mind you. Then jerk her head toward her and whisper in her ear, "If you touch me ever, ever again, next time I'll break your neck." Then shove her away from you and go back to the table.

This should take care of it. smile

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

If she ever touches you again , you need to grab her arm and look her square in the eye and say DO NOT EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN. And ifany sexual comments are made then both you and DH need to tell them to Stop .

Tangerine · Guru

Um . . . she is a nice person apart from this one issue.

I really don't want to resort to physical violence. You guys were being facetious, right?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Tangerine wrote:
Um . . . she is a nice person apart from this one issue.

I really don't want to resort to physical violence. You guys were being facetious, right?

I wasn't. She's using the excuse of a few drinks to physically assault and violate you. That's not a nice person. Would you consider a man who did this to women an ******* or an otherwise nice person.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

Remind me not to PO Honey's Mom!!

I'd smack her hand away or push her & tell her keep your hands off me. Nobody but my husband touches me. And then I'd distance myself from them as friends. If Jim or Rose asks why you never want to visit with them anymore tell them because she has no respect for your boundaries.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Tang, the woman is a perv. Time to get new friends. I'm serious.
There is no way in hell I would let anyone touch me like that, ever.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I take my friends very seriously, so I can understand the difficulty in just cutting friends off. But what this woman is doing is FAR over the line and it would either have to stop immediately, or the friendship would.

Ohfour · Hooker

I think that she's testing you. To see if you would want to be part of their lifestyle. If you don't take immediate and harsh action, she will continue to push the boundaries.

I also think that she's not as tipsy as she claims to be. She uses that as an excuse to for her behavior should you be offended. She knows EXACTLY what she is doing.

Tangerine · Guru

We promised to take them to dinner for their wedding present, so at least this next (last?) time will be in a public place.

We have distanced ourselves quite a bit from them.

I really don't think I'll be able to punch her. That would probably just be traumatic for me.

I will endeavor not to sit next to her in the restaurant.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

I couldn't punch her either but I could smack her hand or grab her wrist and say "what the hell is wrong with you" if she reached for my boob.

I also think O4 is right that she is testing you.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Tangerine wrote:
We promised to take them to dinner for their wedding present, so at least this next (last?) time will be in a public place.

We have distanced ourselves quite a bit from them.

I really don't think I'll be able to punch her. That would probably just be traumatic for me.

I will endeavor not to sit next to her in the restaurant.

PUnching might be a bit much. But a well balanced shove is not over the line.

Honeys_Mom · Mod & Permanent Board Sweetheart

LOL, yes I was kidding. But I'm very serious about my personal space, especially being touched. It wouldn't happen twice - the 2nd time she attempted it, I would likely make a scene. There is absolutely no excuse for her behavior and someone who is your friend would not do that. Truthfully, I wouldn't go out with them the 2nd time, but that's just me.

Tangerine · Guru

I don't think we will be able to hang out with them anymore.

I think the reason she is being so pushy with me is that Jim knows (so I assume she does too) that I broke up with a married couple and one other guy when I started dating Husband.

Jim should also know that I'm super into being monogamous with Husband, though. I know we've discussed it.

TrudyML · Guru

Ugh. You'll have to cut them.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

If this were a guy, would you be so passive?

And why are you continuing any kind of relationship if it makes you uncomfortable.

I don't know. My advice is grow a pair. Speak up for your self.

I don't mean that ugly.

huskerbb · Guru

I don't think I would blow this out of proportion right away.

I would at least first have a sit-down chat with her--sans alcohol--and tell her that such touching makes you uncomfortable and that it needs to stop, and that being "tipsy" is not an excuse.

See where that goes. My guess is that she'll be pissed for awhile and it will be awkward--though maybe not more so than her grabbing your b00bs--but since you've been friends with Jim for quite some time, it will eventually blow over.

If that doesn't work, DO NOT have your husband talk to or confront HER--have him talk to Jim and see if it can be handled that way.

If those two things don't work, then you may have to really start distancing yourselves from them because hints and even direct conversations don't work.

huskerbb · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
I would have you husband step in and when she gets close to you, have him say, please do not touch my wife. If she does it again, drop the please and say, do not touch my wife. If she does it again, leave.

Bad idea.

It gives the idea that it Tang actually likes it, or is at least "ok" with it--but it's the husband who doesn't like it.

It will more than likely encourage her behavior to escalate when husband is not around.

It also conveys the idea that Tang cannot stand up for herself--which would likely, again, encourage the behavior, especially when they are alone.

Plus, it's bad form to have a husband confront another man's wife. If her husband is to say something--it should be to Jim.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

I agree with Husker. She needs to address the issue directly with Rose. If that doesn't work then Hubs needs to address it with Jim.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

She said she has talked to Rose and it was blown off.

To me, that means it's time to set serious boundaries.

Ohfour · Hooker

huskerbb wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
I would have you husband step in and when she gets close to you, have him say, please do not touch my wife. If she does it again, drop the please and say, do not touch my wife. If she does it again, leave.
Bad idea.

It gives the idea that it Tang actually likes it, or is at least "ok" with it--but it's the husband who doesn't like it.

It will more than likely encourage her behavior to escalate when husband is not around.

It also conveys the idea that Tang cannot stand up for herself--which would likely, again, encourage the behavior, especially when they are alone.

Plus, it's bad form to have a husband confront another man's wife. If her husband is to say something--it should be to Jim.

She did try to address it and Rose blew it off.

And if someone was doing this to me, my husband would damn sure address it. With the person that is the offender. She needs to be dealt with directly...

huskerbb · Guru

I'm sure she's talked to her about it--but probably when she is tipsy--not a good time to get a point across.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

She seems to think that this is cute or something and when I tried to talk to her about it she blew it off as her just being tipsy.

---------------------------

From the OP.

There is NOTHING wrong with standing up for yourself and being firm about it. Leaving no question on where things stand.

NAOW · Vette's SS

I agree with all the replies. Before I finished reading your OP I was going to ask you how you would handle it if it were a man doing it. It's not cute or funny or ok because she is a woman or because she is drunk. I don't think you have to fight her but if she does it again I would act as offended as you are, no sugar coating or trying to be polite, look at her like she is out of her mind and firmly tell her to keep her hands to herself.

You have already tried to address this nicely and it got you no where.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Tangerine wrote:
We promised to take them to dinner for their wedding present, so at least this next (last?) time will be in a public place.

We have distanced ourselves quite a bit from them.

I really don't think I'll be able to punch her. That would probably just be traumatic for me.

I will endeavor not to sit next to her in the restaurant.

Can you talk to her BEFORE she has her first drink? Not pleasant, I know, but she is violating your personal space BIG TIME.

flan

chef · Guru

I would've smacked her hands the second they landed on my boobs. If you can't control yourself when you have alcohol, then you ought not have any. Tipsy is not an excuse.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

I am a super lightweight when it comes to alcohol. 3 drinks would render me pretty snockered. I am still in control of my actions when super tipsy or even drunk. I would never grab or kiss a woman. Mainly because I don't like women like that. She wants you. Tell her to knock it off. You don't have to be nice about it.

Blankie · Guru

Tangerine wrote:
Here's something I would like to discuss; first of all- this is all absolutely honest to god truth and I would like to hear some different viewpoints on how I can navigate this situation.
Background: Husband and I have been good friends with another guy, let's call him Jim, for 10+ years. Within the last year he met, dated, and married a woman we will call Rose. Rose is a lovely person, very pleasant and Jim seems very happy.
This is my problem: whenever we socialize with Jim and Rose, she seems to have a couple drinks and then claim to be tipsy. Fine.
But then she will do things like grab my boobs, or give me extra long, extra close, back rubbing hugs. On one occasion she grabbed my face and planted a kiss on my lips. She seems to think that this is cute or something and when I tried to talk to her about it she blew it off as her just being tipsy.
The thing is that was the first time since I started dating Husband that I kissed anyone on the lips besides Husband. And the only other person (besides Rose) to touch my boobs is my gynecologist.
Also, I'm fairly certain that Jim and Rose are swingers. I don't have a problem with that, but Husband and I are not the least bit interested.

So far I have mostly avoided inviting them to our home, but we have to see Jim and Rose again soon.

How can I keep Rose from molesting me?

GRAB YOUR BOOBS? Are you serious? I would have screamed so loud she'd be knocked on her arse.

If I were you, I would not be nice at all. I would be very stern with her in a loud voice, preferably so others can overhear: GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!

She sounds like a total perv.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Tangerine wrote:
Um . . . she is a nice person apart from this one issue.

I really don't want to resort to physical violence. You guys were being facetious, right?

I didn't say to hit her or resort to violence. I think I gave sound advice.

Empyreal · Senior Member

I would go ahead and have a couple of drinks and start slapping her around. Apologize the next day saying "So sorry! Every time I drink I get a little punchy...."

Empyreal · Senior Member

I'm not being facetious.

huskerbb · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
I would have you husband step in and when she gets close to you, have him say, please do not touch my wife. If she does it again, drop the please and say, do not touch my wife. If she does it again, leave.
Bad idea.

It gives the idea that it Tang actually likes it, or is at least "ok" with it--but it's the husband who doesn't like it.

It will more than likely encourage her behavior to escalate when husband is not around.

It also conveys the idea that Tang cannot stand up for herself--which would likely, again, encourage the behavior, especially when they are alone.

Plus, it's bad form to have a husband confront another man's wife. If her husband is to say something--it should be to Jim.
She did try to address it and Rose blew it off.
And if someone was doing this to me, my husband would damn sure address it. With the person that is the offender. She needs to be dealt with directly...

You can't stand up for yourself against another woman?

I'd sure handle a dude if he was doing that, but I'd handle it by smacking him. If I do that to some other guy's wife--then that will start a whole thing with him, or worse.

Ohfour · Hooker

I don't like to get my hands dirty. I rely a lot on my knight. He takes care of the dirty stuff...

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I would not tolerate some other woman doing this to me. You need to stand up for yourself and tell her in no uncertain terms that this absolutely will STOP. If she gets pissed, then so be it. And, if she does it, then you immediately take your DH and walk out or kick her out of your house.

huskerbb · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
I don't like to get my hands dirty. I rely a lot on my knight. He takes care of the dirty stuff...

It's NOT cool to get in another woman's face--or worse--if you are a dude. Makes you look like a bully and, really, you are.

Heck, that football player from Florida State got suspended for it--and she even threw the first punch.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Thursday 16th of July 2015 06:47:43 PM

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I would not tolerate some other woman doing this to me. You need to stand up for yourself and tell her in no uncertain terms that this absolutely will STOP. If she gets pissed, then so be it. And, if she does it, then you immediately take your DH and walk out or kick her out of your house.

I agree--BUT--I'd do it when she's NOT drinking at a time when you can sit and talk reasonably.

Of course she's going to brush it off when she's been drinking. I think she's less likely to do so when she's not.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yes. Talk to her when she is not drinking. Of course.

Ohfour · Hooker

huskerbb wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
I don't like to get my hands dirty. I rely a lot on my knight. He takes care of the dirty stuff...
It's NOT cool to get in another woman's face--or worse--if you are a dude. Makes you look like a bully and, really, you are.

Heck, that football player from Florida State got suspended for it--and she even threw the first punch.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Thursday 16th of July 2015 06:47:43 PM

I know...and that sucks...

You wanna be a bitch? Then take what you give...

huskerbb · Guru

After that, have her husband talk to Jim.

"Jim, dude, WTF is up with Rose. My wife does NOT like having her t!tties grabbed, or being kissed by your wife or any other woman--or man besides me. If you can't get her to knock it off, seriously, we are probably not going to be spending much time together."

If, after those things happen and the behavior does not stop--then the friendship has probably run its course.

huskerbb · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
I don't like to get my hands dirty. I rely a lot on my knight. He takes care of the dirty stuff...
It's NOT cool to get in another woman's face--or worse--if you are a dude. Makes you look like a bully and, really, you are.

Heck, that football player from Florida State got suspended for it--and she even threw the first punch.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Thursday 16th of July 2015 06:47:43 PM
I know...and that sucks...

You wanna be a bitch? Then take what you give...

So--your husband should grab her t!tties and kiss her on the mouth????

Maybe your husband will be up for this white knight thing in this case.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Thursday 16th of July 2015 06:52:54 PM

Ohfour · Hooker

Lol!!! That's funny...really...😁😁😁

huskerbb · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
Lol!!! That's funny...really...😁😁😁

I meant it to be. At least something worked.

Seriously, though, I'm not so sure having your husband do this would be the best idea. It will end up in a fight with Jim--when it wouldn't have to escalate to that, necessarily.

ed11563 · Guru

Tangerine wrote:
Um . . . she is a nice person apart from this one issue.

No, she is NOT a nice person, she's a sexual predator.

She is not nice, she is not your friend, she only wants to get into your pants, and probably her husband wants to get into your husband's pants.

You have to stay away from these people.

huskerbb · Guru

ed11563 wrote:
Tangerine wrote:
Um . . . she is a nice person apart from this one issue.

No, she is NOT a nice person, she's a sexual predator.
She is not nice, she is not your friend, she only wants to get into your pants, and probably her husband wants to get into your husband's pants.
You have to stay away from these people.

Oh sexual predator--Geez ed, get a grip.

This is annoying behavior between adults that is NO DIFFERENT than any other annoying behavior between adults.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Thursday 16th of July 2015 08:02:25 PM