This is a good example for the 'Personal Responsibility' thread.

Poor little very special snowflake...

Well it's clear that her parents messed up big time in raising her. But she bears some responsibility for the way she is acting about it. She needs to suck it up.

And yes, if she hangs around a certain type of people at college, having a part time job is embarrassing. There are plenty of people for whom that is simply not done. I am not saying they are right, obviously they are NOT, but it's clear she is hanging around other rich kids who would ostracize her for having a job. She doesn't understand that there are other people to be friends with who will get it.

Plenty of kids in the college atmosphere simply do not understand the words "I can't afford it". They will respond "just ask your parents for the money". No, my parents can't afford it either.

But this VSS needs to grow up and deal with it.

TrudyML wrote:

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Ugh. I worked full time while in school. You'd catch me out at night studying in a bar!

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 This.

Mellow Momma wrote:

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Honeys_Mom wrote:

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TrudyML wrote:

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Ugh. I worked full time while in school. You'd catch me out at night studying in a bar!

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 This.

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 As did most of us. But the people she hangs out with don't and have never had a job. That's why she can't bring herself to do it.  No one she knows is doing it and are telling her she is above that. 

I am not trying to defend her obnoxious behavior. I am just saying there is a whole different world out there that we don't understand. A world of rich kids who seriously don't understand not being able to afford something. A whole bunch of kids whose parents have failed them big time.

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 This is NOT her parents' fault.  They didn't give her the trust fund.  They are the ones saying she has to get a job.  She's an adult.  Sink or swim time.

 

l

Mellow Momma wrote:

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I totally agree. But it IS her parents' fault that she is an entitled jerk. She has zero respect for money and has zero knowledge of how to budget. Some of that is on them.

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 Maybe not. Maybe they tried and the grandparents spoiled her rotten.  The fact dad is laughing at her request makes me think he's not all that into spoiling her.

Honeys_Mom wrote:

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TrudyML wrote:

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Ugh. I worked full time while in school. You'd catch me out at night studying in a bar!

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 This.

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I was a clothing buyer!  You'd see me buying while hanging in the student lounge.  My boss was a great guy. 

Well, the parents are have some blame as well if they allowed her to blow thru that much money. I don't care if it was entrusted to her, there are ways to exert your influence over your young adult child who is still dependent on you. If she took the trust and moved out and lived independently, then fine, nothing they could have done. But, if she was under their roof at all, then they certainly could have enacted some rules on her and exerted some control for her own good. I really think I would have been able to convince my son or daughter to invest a portion of that money into some untouchable account or something for their long term benefit.

lilyofcourse wrote:

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You have zero control over a 22 yr old.

If there were no restrictions on the trust, then the parents can't do anything other than voice concerns.

And who knows, maybe they did. And maybe they told her she would have to lay in the bed she was making.

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My son is 19.  He lives at home, sleeps in our bed, eats our food and we pay most of his tuition to tech school.  So, yeah, I will exert some control over you life.  You don't get full control over your own life until you are independent adult, supporting yourself and paying your own way. 

NAOW wrote:

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This is a good example for the 'Personal Responsibility' thread.

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 This is what I was thinking!

I agree Gaga. I don't have kids but I know my parents would have forced me to invest it so I couldn't blow it.

And the difference is, your money vs. their money. The trust is the girls.

I'm not defending her actions. Just stating that she is an adult and as such, the parents have no say over it. They can't do anything about it.

They don't have a legal leg to stand on.

As for how they handle living arrangements, that's another story.

Honeys_Mom wrote:

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TrudyML wrote:

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Ugh. I worked full time while in school. You'd catch me out at night studying in a bar!

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 This.

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 Me too.  I commuted 1 1/2 hours to Boston for work via train.  I studied on the train, worked full time, paid my way through college.  Best learning experience I ever had.

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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Mellow Momma wrote:

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I totally agree. But it IS her parents' fault that she is an entitled jerk. She has zero respect for money and has zero knowledge of how to budget. Some of that is on them.

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 Or perhaps the grandparents who left her the college money bought her everything she wanted growing up and turned her into a brat.  How many threads or Dear Abby letters have we seen about Grandparents doing that against the parent's wishes and the parents being told to suck it up?

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 I think the correct term is Get over it.

lilyofcourse wrote:

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And the difference is, your money vs. their money. The trust is the girls.

I'm not defending her actions. Just stating that she is an adult and as such, the parents have no say over it. They can't do anything about it.

They don't have a legal leg to stand on.

As for how they handle living arrangements, that's another story.

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Fine, then you can't live with me, take your money and move out and figure it out.  If I am subsidizing your life, I have some say over it.  And I am sure they were subsidizing her life until the day she received the Trust.  They should have been able to guide her to wisely invest a portion of it. 

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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And the difference is, your money vs. their money. The trust is the girls.

I'm not defending her actions. Just stating that she is an adult and as such, the parents have no say over it. They can't do anything about it.

They don't have a legal leg to stand on.

As for how they handle living arrangements, that's another story.

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Fine, then you can't live with me, take your money and move out and figure it out.  If I am subsidizing your life, I have some say over it.  And I am sure they were subsidizing her life until the day she received the Trust.  They should have been able to guide her to wisely invest a portion of it. 

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 You seem to think you can control another adult's money.

You cant.

Even if they live with you.

What you can do is not pay their bills. Require rent. Not let them live with you.

But you can't make them save, invest, or anything else with their money.

 

 

The article says she paid the first 3 years. So she didn't just blow the whole $90k.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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An 18 yr old doesn't have the first freaking clue. So of them dont even know how to write a check let alone navigate the banking system.

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 Not all 18 YO's.  Only those who have never been forced to do so.  DS refused all the credit card offers he received while in college.  BTW, he worked at UPS 25 hours a week which gave him FT benefits + college tuition reimbursement and money to pay his other bills.  The tuition reimbursement covered his first 2 1/2 years of school, I made him take out loans in his name for the rest and when he successfully passed, I paid the loans off.  I think my struggling and not being able to provide the money, but could guide him, was the best gift I ever gave him.  He is not stupid with money, and while others his age are still renting and saddled with Student Loan debt, he has zero debt and now owns and investment property.

Plus, I'm doubting she really asked her parents for advice, and probably didn't listen to what they told her.

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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Mellow Momma wrote:

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I totally agree. But it IS her parents' fault that she is an entitled jerk. She has zero respect for money and has zero knowledge of how to budget. Some of that is on them.

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 Or perhaps the grandparents who left her the college money bought her everything she wanted growing up and turned her into a brat.  How many threads or Dear Abby letters have we seen about Grandparents doing that against the parent's wishes and the parents being told to suck it up?

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 You don't have to allow the grandparents to run rough shod over your rules. You set boundaries for what the grandparents can spend and how they can spend it and if they don't adhere to those guidelines, you don't allow them access to the child. You can buy as many books and experiences ( dance lessons, trips with the grandparents, etc) as you like for my child. You may NOT buy them "stuff". I am the parent and I make the rules. Period. I am the one ultimately responsible for how my child turns out and if the grandparents can't accept that...tough. 

Lawyerlady wrote:

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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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The article says she paid the first 3 years. So she didn't just blow the whole $90k.

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 Yep, she did good paying most of her tuition.  They only issue is being a brat over the rest of her tuition.  Having to borrow 20K will not break the bank.

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 To me, it's the refusal to consider a job that really makes her sound terrible.  Her money would have went a lot further if she'd had jobs along the way to pay for the fun stuff and kept the money for college only.

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 Yep. Working never hurt anyone.

 

You don't know that is what happened.

lilyofcourse wrote:

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You don't know that is what happened.

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 Well it says she is a senior in college with no work history, so yeah, I DO know that is what happened. 

Blankie wrote:

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The first mistake was the grandparents actually letting the girl access the college fund. No no no!

The grandparents should have maintained total control of the money, in their account, and written a check each time the semester bill was due.

Of course she is an entitled brat, and her behavior is abominable.

But handing over a huge sum of money like that to a young person is not wise.

 

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 Especially if that young person has zero experience with handling money and is used to having what she wants when she wants it. There are a lot of kids who know the value of money and who would have taken the money and been responsible with it. Those are the same kids who know the value of money because they have had to work for it.

Many colleges allow you to pre-pay for all 4 years. My cousin locked in his tuition rate by doing just that, increases in the future did not effect him. She would have been wise to go to the bursar' office and pre-pay using all the money and then she could have done whatever she wanted with the extra and it wouldn't have been such a tragic ordeal for her.