TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Harriette: I am the Maid

karl271 · Guru

Talk to them, make a schedule, etc. Not going to work. They are used to you being the maid. The only way to wake them up is to stop being the maid. Eventually the will get the idea.

ed11563 · Guru

On the other hand, maybe she's sabotaging them when they do things.

"Why can't you do it RIGHT? Get out of here, I'll do it myself!"

"I asked you to take out the garbage 5 minutes ago" (when he was concentrating on a complicated homework assignment), "why didn't you do it already? What's WRONG with you ?!?!?!?!?"

"It's YOUR job to mow the lawn, it's two inches TOO HIGH! WTF are you waiting for? An engraved invitation??? "

My mother would sometimes tell me to do something ....

Quietly telling me, while she was playing Solitaire at the kitchen table, and I was upstairs behind a closed door, or outside mowing the lawn ...

then she'd be annoyed that i hadn't done what she thought she'd told me to do.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yes, that is quite possible too. But, when you are living with lazy people you tend to get irritated till it bubbles over. Then, the perpetually lazy use that as their Excuse to continue to not help. Yeah, maybe mom is a bit harsh or whatever. That doesn't then somehow absolve a person of their responsibilities in life.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I have known some passive aggressive types over the years. They are slow to do anything. Then others get irritated with them. Then they use that as their excuse to justify their own laziness and now they can wear the badge of Victim too. She was MEAN and I was just trying to help (by doing a piss poor job) so Wah, I am not going to help anymore.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Guess who's to blame for them being this way in the first place.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Guess who's to blame for them being this way in the first place.

Yep! kods don't suddenly say "hey mom let me help you with that". You need to raise them correctly from the beginning. There are chores toddlers can do. And there are punishments for not doing them. A toddler should pick up his/her own toys and if they don't, the toys get taken away.

She raised them (husband included) to treat her like the maid and now she is mad that they are doing exactly what she has taught them.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

And if she wants her DH to help she needs to ASK! When I need help, I say "hey DH, can you come help me for a minute?" Works every time. And if he refuses, she has bigger problems.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Mellow Momma wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Guess who's to blame for them being this way in the first place.
Yep! kods don't suddenly say "hey mom let me help you with that". You need to raise them correctly from the beginning. There are chores toddlers can do. And there are punishments for not doing them. A toddler should pick up his/her own toys and if they don't, the toys get taken away.
She raised them (husband included) to treat her like the maid and now she is mad that they are doing exactly what she has taught them.

Yep. She sowed that which she reaped. Otherwise the kids would know they had chores. And people don't read your mind. You're correct on that. You have to ask. And not just a general would you help me out sometime today. You have to ask for what you want.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

It sound like the husband is a big part of the problem. And the kids follow his cue. It isn't just her job to enlist the kids, HE should be acting as a parent and a husband as well. A decent person would see that there is simply work that needs done and help do it.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mellow Momma wrote:
And if she wants her DH to help she needs to ASK! When I need help, I say "hey DH, can you come help me for a minute?" Works every time. And if he refuses, she has bigger problems.

It is frustrating to constantly have to ASK for help running the house everyone lives in. They should know to do it. Grrrrr.

Whenitrains · Member

A couple of women I know get mad if their dh/familes don't do chores so they do it and are mad the whole time. But that's what they want her to do. They know she won't let the dirty clothes/dirty dishes/trash, etc. sit there for days and she will eventually do it for them. They get mad because some of us said that they've got them trained and they should just do the stuff for themselves and let the rest fend for themselves.

-- Edited by Whenitrains on Monday 7th of September 2015 10:29:32 AM

-- Edited by Whenitrains on Monday 7th of September 2015 10:29:58 AM

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
And if she wants her DH to help she needs to ASK! When I need help, I say "hey DH, can you come help me for a minute?" Works every time. And if he refuses, she has bigger problems.
It is frustrating to constantly have to ASK for help running the house everyone lives in. They should know to do it. Grrrrr.

They SHOULD know to do it. But they don't.

In my experience, my DH wouldn't put a dish in the dishwasher without being asked. But if I come home and see a sink full of dishes, he will gladly put them all in the dishwasher. I have given up on hoping he will notice what needs done. If he is home and I go to work, I leave a list. It's usually just 3 things, but it's a list nonetheless. If we are both at work that day, I just ask him to help me out. He just doesn't see what needs done. The dirty towells could be piled up to the ceiling and he wouldn't notice they need to go in the washing machine. But if I ask, he will happily take them and do them. He might be playing me, but I doubt it. He just doesn't see things like that. Never has.

huskerbb · Guru

I guess I would like to know if she is a SAHM. It does make a difference. Yes, her husband can and should do some chores regardless, and her kids can do some chores either way, but still, it makes some difference.

FNW · Guru

Even at this age, I am asking the boys to do things. And I make a list of things I need DH to help with. I don't know whether it's his gender, or he simply doesn't notice things that need replacing, fixing, etc. Rather than get upset, I tell him what I need help with each weekend. He makes a checklist, and includes items he feels are needed.

I am specific with the boys. They know they have to clear the table after meals, and I have them put one game away before starting a new one. They know to put their clothes in the hamper, sorted by color/whites. They empty the pool skimmers without being told. One son actually enjoys helping. The other, not so much. So I have to "order" him to contribute, reminding him that all members of the household pitch in to help each other.

The exception is the basement. There are legos all around because the boys like to admire their creations. I cleared a shelf on the bookcase where they can display their masterpieces. All unused legos go in a bin, but sometimes there are works in progress that are laying around. But we renovated the basement when they were 2 so they could have their own "play space."