TOTALLY GEEKED!

ed11563 · Guru

Help! My Sister Torments Me and Makes Family Visits Unbearable.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Wow. Part of the problem is that she has put up with it so long that sis thinks it is ok. She needed to stand up for herself a long damn time ago.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Yep

huskerbb · Guru

It doesn't say how old they are--but I am highly doubtful of changing an ingrained pattern of behavior at this point.

If it is once or twice a year, and mom is 85, I might put up with it to make my mother happy in her last years.

If mom is only in her late 50's, though, that would be a tougher proposition since she would be likely to live another 20 or 30 years pretty easy.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
It doesn't say how old they are--but I am highly doubtful of changing an ingrained pattern of behavior at this point.

If it is once or twice a year, and mom is 85, I might put up with it to make my mother happy in her last years.

If mom is only in her late 50's, though, that would be a tougher proposition since she would be likely to live another 20 or 30 years pretty easy.

If mom has continued to allow this to go on and do nothing about it, making her happy would not be my priority.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

If she had the support of her other family members when the sister started in, LW would feel a whole better about the situation and probably not dread the holidays. I have a sister similar to this one. I can ignore her or laugh her off but it sure would go a lot further if other family members would speak up.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

LW says she is in her 30s.

So the way she has allowed her sister to treat her since she turned, oh 18-20 till now is her own fault.

Not her mom's or anyone elses.

She is in her 30s. So sis is most likely in her 20s.

Tell sis to shut the heck up.

Get a back bone.

ed11563 · Guru

If this was your sibling, what would you say to her NOW?

TrudyML · Guru

Stab her.

ed11563 · Guru

TrudyML wrote:
Stab her.

I was thinking, maybe Taze her every time she said something insulting. That would be more fun than stabbing her, because it could be done over and over.

FNW · Guru

I think I would say something a long the lines, "I understand that you do not agree with me on any level, but you don't have to be such a bitch about it."

FNW · Guru

And if her behavior did not let up and I continued to receive absolutely no back-up, I would spend the holidays with beer & friends and bad videos.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
It doesn't say how old they are--but I am highly doubtful of changing an ingrained pattern of behavior at this point.

If it is once or twice a year, and mom is 85, I might put up with it to make my mother happy in her last years.

If mom is only in her late 50's, though, that would be a tougher proposition since she would be likely to live another 20 or 30 years pretty easy.
If mom has continued to allow this to go on and do nothing about it, making her happy would not be my priority.

I get your point. I just think the time to try to change the pattern is probably long past.

ed11563 · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
It doesn't say how old they are--but I am highly doubtful of changing an ingrained pattern of behavior at this point.

If it is once or twice a year, and mom is 85, I might put up with it to make my mother happy in her last years.

If mom is only in her late 50's, though, that would be a tougher proposition since she would be likely to live another 20 or 30 years pretty easy.
If mom has continued to allow this to go on and do nothing about it, making her happy would not be my priority.
I get your point. I just think the time to try to change the pattern is probably long past.

The old saying "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" is WRONG.

Big sister CAN retrain little sister. First, she has to change her own behavior.

huskerbb · Guru

ed11563 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
It doesn't say how old they are--but I am highly doubtful of changing an ingrained pattern of behavior at this point.

If it is once or twice a year, and mom is 85, I might put up with it to make my mother happy in her last years.

If mom is only in her late 50's, though, that would be a tougher proposition since she would be likely to live another 20 or 30 years pretty easy.
If mom has continued to allow this to go on and do nothing about it, making her happy would not be my priority.
I get your point. I just think the time to try to change the pattern is probably long past.
The old saying "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" is WRONG.
Big sister CAN retrain little sister. First, she has to change her own behavior.

Even if true, it took YEARS to get this way, does she really want to invest that much effort if it's only once or twice a year?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
LW says she is in her 30s.

So the way she has allowed her sister to treat her since she turned, oh 18-20 till now is her own fault.

Not her mom's or anyone elses.

She is in her 30s. So sis is most likely in her 20s.

Tell sis to shut the heck up.

Get a back bone.

That's a good point. If you are a 18 and your life is a mess, blame your parents. If you are 35, then its' on you.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

ed11563 wrote:
If this was your sibling, what would you say to her NOW?

Are you asking me?

I had to stand up for myself to my younger brother. He wanted to throw my past in my face every chance he got. BUT some how I was always the perfect one to dump his kids on.

So I told him off. I stood up to him.

Told him when he was perfect, I'd welcome his criticism. Until then, he could stop talking to and about me like I was trash and be respectful or he could find another to take care of him and his kids.

And then I followed through.

Took a few times before he got it. But he finally did.

ed11563 · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
It doesn't say how old they are--but I am highly doubtful of changing an ingrained pattern of behavior at this point.

If it is once or twice a year, and mom is 85, I might put up with it to make my mother happy in her last years.

If mom is only in her late 50's, though, that would be a tougher proposition since she would be likely to live another 20 or 30 years pretty easy.
If mom has continued to allow this to go on and do nothing about it, making her happy would not be my priority.
I get your point. I just think the time to try to change the pattern is probably long past.
The old saying "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" is WRONG.
Big sister CAN retrain little sister. First, she has to change her own behavior.

Even if true, it took YEARS to get this way, does she really want to invest that much effort if it's only once or twice a year?

Yes.

huskerbb · Guru

ed11563 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
It doesn't say how old they are--but I am highly doubtful of changing an ingrained pattern of behavior at this point.

If it is once or twice a year, and mom is 85, I might put up with it to make my mother happy in her last years.

If mom is only in her late 50's, though, that would be a tougher proposition since she would be likely to live another 20 or 30 years pretty easy.
If mom has continued to allow this to go on and do nothing about it, making her happy would not be my priority.
I get your point. I just think the time to try to change the pattern is probably long past.
The old saying "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" is WRONG.
Big sister CAN retrain little sister. First, she has to change her own behavior.

Even if true, it took YEARS to get this way, does she really want to invest that much effort if it's only once or twice a year?
Yes.

Why?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Because it bothers her and is affecting her relationships with her entire family. It needs to stop. I'm think a left cross to the jaw might be necessary.

Honeys_Mom · Mod & Permanent Board Sweetheart

Lawyerlady wrote:
Because it bothers her and is affecting her relationships with her entire family. It needs to stop. I'm think a left cross to the jaw might be necessary.

This is what I was thinking. Being nice went out the window long ago in this situation. Time to get her attention.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

"Last Christmas saw me emptying my brother’s liquor cabinet."

Sorry, but this sounds like a lot of self imposed melodrama.

ed11563 · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
huskerbb wrote

Even if true, it took YEARS to get this way, does she really want to invest that much effort if it's only once or twice a year?
Yes.
Why?

Assert herself and claim her rightful self respect.

I'd recommend the use of a rolled up newspaper to whack her on the head when appropriate. Or maybe on the butt.

-- Edited by ed11563 on Wednesday 9th of September 2015 08:34:47 PM

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Because it bothers her and is affecting her relationships with her entire family. It needs to stop. I'm think a left cross to the jaw might be necessary.

Just as it took YEARS to ingrain this pattern, it will take YEARS to undo it. Years of drama she can't get back.

Sure, she can "stand up" for herself--but doing that one time, or ten times, or a hundred times--won't change it. She'll still hate being around her sister. She'll have the same basic problem she has now.

Sometimes, it's just not worth it.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
"Last Christmas saw me emptying my brother’s liquor cabinet."

Sorry, but this sounds like a lot of self imposed melodrama.

She was making a point about the only way she could tolerate the situation was to distract herself. Don't read all booze points as "I am an alcholic" " or Meladramatic"

NAOW · Vette's SS

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Because it bothers her and is affecting her relationships with her entire family. It needs to stop. I'm think a left cross to the jaw might be necessary.
Just as it took YEARS to ingrain this pattern, it will take YEARS to undo it. Years of drama she can't get back.

Sure, she can "stand up" for herself--but doing that one time, or ten times, or a hundred times--won't change it. She'll still hate being around her sister. She'll have the same basic problem she has now.

Sometimes, it's just not worth it.

That's not necessarily true. Her sister is used to her just being a doormat, there is a very good possibility that if she stands up for herself, loudly and in front of others, her sister will be startled and shamed into submission.

But yea, if that doesn't work, and for her parents wont stand up for her, then it is just not worth it.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
"Last Christmas saw me emptying my brother’s liquor cabinet."

Sorry, but this sounds like a lot of self imposed melodrama.
She was making a point about the only way she could tolerate the situation was to distract herself. Don't read all booze points as "I am an alcholic" " or Meladramatic"

I'm sorry, but if a person needs booze to distract themselves, then yeah, they are one or the other.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

lilyofcourse wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
"Last Christmas saw me emptying my brother’s liquor cabinet."

Sorry, but this sounds like a lot of self imposed melodrama.
She was making a point about the only way she could tolerate the situation was to distract herself. Don't read all booze points as "I am an alcholic" " or Meladramatic"
I'm sorry, but if a person needs booze to distract themselves, then yeah, they are one or the other.

Thank you, Dr. Lily...

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

You have to give people permission to get under your skin. If you don't give a schit about what she says or does, then what is the problem? If she acts up at dinner, you just laugh and say "oh FSS".