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ed11563


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Employer wonders whether to expose the office gossip?

September 13, 2015 by AMY DICKINSON / askamy@tribune.com

DEAR AMY: A few months ago, I was told by "Carly," an acquaintance, that my employee "Bernadette's" entire family was killed in a truly horrific, violent and tragic crime when she was young. Carly prefaced this story with, "I really shouldn't tell you...," to which I responded, "Then please don't!" but Carly proceeded anyway. Bernadette had already told me that her parents died when she was young. I have known Carly for more than 10 years (though only to say "hi" to) but I also know that she is an unapologetic blabbermouth. I was appalled by this breach of privacy, and decided not to say anything to Bernadette about it. Now I'm having second thoughts. If Carly was so quick to tell me, what's to say she hasn't already told lots of people, and that she won't continue to tell more? I think I would want to know if someone was spreading my tragic personal history around town. What do you think?

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DEAR WANT: I would not want to know if someone was spreading my tragic history around town -- instead I would assume that this broadcasting had already happened.

Think this through: If "Carly" is the rumormonger you say she is, then she has already used her trumpet. I'm not sure what the utility is of notifying "Bernadette"; she already knows about and owns what happened in her family. Bringing this up to her will only emphasize to her that she has been discussed. Surely she deserves to let this story lie quietly with you, unless she wants to bring it up herself.

When you are told what is essentially tragic gossip about someone you are not called upon to do anything, except to feel compassion for the subject of the gossip. You should not feel the need to broadcast to the person that you know their story or to tell anyone else.

The only person you need to speak with is "Carly." And to her you should say, "I genuinely regret that you told me this highly personal story about one of my employees. It seems unkind to spread this story. I asked you to stop at the time but now I wish I had been more forceful. I am very sorry you did that."



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Dont confide in blabbermouths.

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ed11563


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Dont confide in blabbermouths.

Sometimes gossip mongers are just making it up. 



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I really cant be bothered by gossiping beyotches.

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huskerbb


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I doubt if this is some big secret. Stuff like that would be easy to find on the internet. Not sure what the big secret is in this case.

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Dont confide in blabbermouths.

 



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ed11563 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Dont confide in blabbermouths.

Sometimes gossip mongers are just making it up. 

 If the person did not tell you her background there is a reason, she doesn't want people to judge her on it or talk about it.  Leave it alone, get to know the person in the today's moment.



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Her family was killed years ago. I doubt it is some big secret. Most likely she has just dealt with it and moved on. She probably does not mind discussing it but probably just doesnt bring it up. So what?

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Her family was killed years ago. I doubt it is some big secret. Most likely she has just dealt with it and moved on. She probably does not mind discussing it but probably just doesnt bring it up. So what?

 This.  If it was a long time ago she probably doesn't feel the need to talk about the "tragedy".  It's not like that's something you work into every day conversation.



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karl271


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I think you should forget the whole conversation and shut up about it. Don't get involved in something like this or you might end up being the bad guy...

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karl271 wrote:

I think you should forget the whole conversation and shut up about it. Don't get involved in something like this or you might end up being the bad guy...

 



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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Her family was killed years ago. I doubt it is some big secret. Most likely she has just dealt with it and moved on. She probably does not mind discussing it but probably just doesnt bring it up. So what?

 This.  If it was a long time ago she probably doesn't feel the need to talk about the "tragedy".  It's not like that's something you work into every day conversation.

Yeah, I mean, I don't run around telling everyone every tragic event in my life.  That doesn't mean I am hiding information or keeping it a secret.  It might come up or it might not come up.  So, for the  writer to assume this is some super secret into just seems kind of odd. 



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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But, no, you aren't in High School. So, you don't run back to your coworker and said Suzy said blah, blah. I really don't care what people talk about. People are going to say whatever they want to say and you can't stop them anyway and it isn't necessarily your business. I just dont' bother with office gossip. I couldn't care less. I am there to work and earn my living and do a good job. The rest of it doesn't much interest me.

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My DH's brother died at an early age. He was in his early twenties and died tragically when an 18 wheeler backed over him on his motorcycle. His family makes no secret of this but it was so long ago they don't talk about it all the time. I mean, sometimes the subject might come up because of one thing or another but he just doesn't talk about it.

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