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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Harriette: Stressed Over Handling Father's Estate
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DEAR HARRIETTE: I am feeling emotionally paralyzed. I have taken on so much responsibility lately, handling the aftermath of my father's death and having to deal with his paperwork. I've never had to do this before, and it is overwhelming. Along the way of sorting through everything, I have made some missteps. I have had some heated exchanges with family members, with bankers, with a lot of the people who are part of this process of closing out his affairs. This has meant that on top of all of the actual work, now I have people mad at me because I have not handled everything well. I want to hibernate. I don't want to deal with any of the follow-up calls from people who are mad for one reason or another because the process isn't going smoothly. Obviously, hiding isn't a solution. But I am seriously feeling overwhelmed. How can I handle this situation better so that I can feel less stressed out? -- On the Brink, Detroit

DEAR ON THE BRINK: Rather than hibernate, can you take a few days off to rejuvenate? Maybe a long weekend where you relax and pamper yourself would be a smart idea. Getting rest is so important in having a clear head. If you have a friend or loved one who can be neutral about the situation and supportive at the same time, you may want to invite that person to join you.

When you are feeling refreshed, consider doubling back to the people with whom you have experienced friction and simply apologizing. Even if both of you were wrong, or if the other person was absolutely off-course, you can apologize for your heightened emotions surrounding handling your father's affairs as you also ask for patience, compassion and focus from them. To the best of your ability, keep yourself organized as you complete handling your father's business. This will help you to finish the work and be free to grieve.

http://www.uexpress.com/sense-and-sensitivity/2015/9/15/reader-must-face-reality-after-dads

 



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Well, nobody has ever "had to do this before" until they actually do it. Closing an estate takes time.. It isn't something where you are going to blink and have it done in one day. As for people being 'mad', oh well, they will get over it.

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Momala


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Contact the attorney who drew up the will (or your own attorney) and have them guide you through this process. If the attorney is part of the problem, go to the probate office in your county and ask help from them.

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just Czech


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Jeeze, pull yourself together woman!

Step back, breathe, and go forward.

Yes, each person grieves differently, but gosh, life does go on.

The advice is spot on.

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lilyofcourse


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Learning to only deal with the things you can actually do something about, and letting the other things go is terribly important.

Who are these people who are mad?

Why is the lawyer mad?

I would say take a step back and let yourself grieve and rest.

Is there a time limit on closing estates?

I would think a good bit of that could wait.

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just Czech


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lilyofcourse wrote:

Learning to only deal with the things you can actually do something about, and letting the other things go is terribly important.

Who are these people who are mad?

Why is the lawyer mad?

I would say take a step back and let yourself grieve and rest.

Is there a time limit on closing estates?

I would think a good bit of that could wait.

Lily, it's to the estates advantage to settle it as soon as possible. Otherwise you run into the next years estate taxes and a whole bunch of other headaches.

The sooner an estate is settled, the better it is for the outcome of the estate. Especially if it is a large estate. 



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Lindley


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Been there. I was lucky everyone was understanding.

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Mary Zombie


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The attorney works for her. Time to make them earn their salary geez
Going through this right now. It sucks and always one family member that tries to make it difficult.

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Lawyerlady


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The OP doesn't mention that she has an attorney.

And if you don't do what your attorney advises, your attorney can fire you.

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huskerbb


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This is why estate planning is so important. How mom and dad leave things can either make it go smoothly, or it can tear families apart.

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Nobody Just Nobody


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just Czech wrote:

Jeeze, pull yourself together woman!

Step back, breathe, and go forward.

Yes, each person grieves differently, but gosh, life does go on.

The advice is spot on.

   Time for the big girl panties.



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Yeah, the deceased is dead. There is all the time in the world. OK, I get that maybe you want to sell the house or things like that. But, those things take time. And for my mom, I left money in her bank account for a year until all the final taxes were filed and stuff.

For an estate, I highly recommend just calling an auctioneer. Take what you want out of the house to keep. Then call an Auctioneer and they will come and pack up everything and auction off the rest. That is what I did with my mom's stuff. The auctioneer came and the apt was cleaned out completely within 3 days.

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huskerbb


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When my dad's mother died, we had five separate auctions, and that was after the big auction we had when grandpa died.

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When I am stressed, telling me to take a few days off won't help. I have to know the path forward on what is stressing me. She really needs to hire an advisor. If the cost of an advisor sucks up the value of the estate, so be it. Just be done with it.

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Mary Zombie


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Really. Time to get an attorney.

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