TOTALLY GEEKED!

Kudos to the father for wanting a relationship with *gasp* his daughter.

As a DIL with a step-MIL, my opinion on this is admittedly, biased. While I think the daughter should try harder to be a better hostess, I think step mommy-dearest is probably rude to her and daughter has stopped trying to please her. And that bugs the heck out of step mommy.

Just stay in a hotel already. When I visit my sister, we just stay in a hotel. It is more comfortable, everyone has their space and nobody feels crowded or uncomfortable. It's actually more fun because they come over to the hotel and we all hang out at the pool or hot tub.

Yes, but at least you werent' stuck with them snacking and drinking all night, lol. If they are 'offended" about a hotel, they will get over. Geez. Grow a spine.

FNW wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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Yes, but at least you werent' stuck with them snacking and drinking all night, lol. If they are 'offended" about a hotel, they will get over. Geez. Grow a spine.

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 I was.  They stayed until our bedtime, and expected three square meals, ****tails, and snacks.

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They were just mooches. 

True. But, what does that matter? They are who they are? And, it's her husband's daughter and he still wants to visit. Stay in a hotel or she can stay home.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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True. But, what does that matter? They are who they are? And, it's her husband's daughter and he still wants to visit. Stay in a hotel or she can stay home.

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 Part of the OP is that if they stay in a hotel, the kids get offended.  So, they have to put up with bad hostessing or offend them.  That's not exactly a win-win.

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So, offend them.  Stay in a hotel.    

FNW wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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I cannot imagine having people to visit and not having clean sheets for them. That in inexcusable, IMO.. Either don't have them stay, or be decent enough to do the basics. Step-MIL may be a bitch, but she may have a reason for being a bitch.

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 It depends.  If step MIL arrived on the heals of other guests leaving, such as was in my case, there is no time to wash sheets.  There were times MIL and SIL hadn't even packed their car when step MIL and FIL were pulling up.  I had another spare set of sheets, so I was able to frantically change those while they sat around ignoring and name-calling my children and taking snipes at each other.   But she could either use the blanket as it was, wreaking of her husband's ex-wife's perfume,  or go without.   

Gosh this thread is bringing back some very unhappy memories during a very stressful time.

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 But the OP makes it sound like this is a common occurance, not just once or once in a while.  And while I realize you have bad memories associated with you in-laws - I highly doubt you were like the host and hostess described in this letter.  It may be difficult to look at objectively, but not all in-laws are your in-laws.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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Stay in a hotel. Eat out. Go to the museum together or whatever. Minimize the time in the House of Nasty. It isn't that hard.

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 Then why visit at all?

Lawyerlady wrote:

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FNW wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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I cannot imagine having people to visit and not having clean sheets for them. That in inexcusable, IMO.. Either don't have them stay, or be decent enough to do the basics. Step-MIL may be a bitch, but she may have a reason for being a bitch.

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 It depends.  If step MIL arrived on the heals of other guests leaving, such as was in my case, there is no time to wash sheets.  There were times MIL and SIL hadn't even packed their car when step MIL and FIL were pulling up.  I had another spare set of sheets, so I was able to frantically change those while they sat around ignoring and name-calling my children and taking snipes at each other.   But she could either use the blanket as it was, wreaking of her husband's ex-wife's perfume,  or go without.   

Gosh this thread is bringing back some very unhappy memories during a very stressful time.

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 But the OP makes it sound like this is a common occurance, not just once or once in a while.  And while I realize you have bad memories associated with you in-laws - I highly doubt you were like the host and hostess described in this letter.  It may be difficult to look at objectively, but not all in-laws are your in-laws.

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 I know, and I know I am biased in this regard.  But there are two sides, and I'd be interested in hearing the daughter's.  

She's not a MIL. She is a step mom.

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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FNW wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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I cannot imagine having people to visit and not having clean sheets for them. That in inexcusable, IMO.. Either don't have them stay, or be decent enough to do the basics. Step-MIL may be a bitch, but she may have a reason for being a bitch.

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 It depends.  If step MIL arrived on the heals of other guests leaving, such as was in my case, there is no time to wash sheets.  There were times MIL and SIL hadn't even packed their car when step MIL and FIL were pulling up.  I had another spare set of sheets, so I was able to frantically change those while they sat around ignoring and name-calling my children and taking snipes at each other.   But she could either use the blanket as it was, wreaking of her husband's ex-wife's perfume,  or go without.   

Gosh this thread is bringing back some very unhappy memories during a very stressful time.

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 But the OP makes it sound like this is a common occurance, not just once or once in a while.  And while I realize you have bad memories associated with you in-laws - I highly doubt you were like the host and hostess described in this letter.  It may be difficult to look at objectively, but not all in-laws are your in-laws.

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 Exactly!  Just because yours did that doesn't make THIS MIL a bitch.  I don't think expecting clean sheets is a lot.  Do you really want to shower with dirty towels?  That's the epitome of rudeness.  And I've never expected my hosts to pay for everything.  And you can ask ohfour about that.  We spent almost a week with them and didn't demand food.  I even did laundry at her house.  Plus, when those kids come to visit they clear out the pantry.  That's rude.  It is generally considered polite to ask if you can open something.  Or at least offer to replace it.  Sorry, I can't side with these kids.  They sound rude and nasty.  And not all MIL's are bitches.

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Nobody is "siding' with them.  If they are clueless slobs, do you really think anyone is going to change them? I just find it much easier for me to do what I please than try to change other people.  Stay in a hotel.  Have them come over there.  Problem solved.  

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Well, DH and I had the same issue when we stayed with his friend. The house was so incredibly nasty. He even said so. I told him if he ever wants to visit again we will stay in a hotel. He said he didn't understand the point. So we won't be going to visit them. They live in utter filth.

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 I remember that.  You even posted a few pics.  I am not a clean freak & my house could stand a good deep cleaning but I can't understand how anyone can live like that.

As for the OP - either let Dad go alone or stay in a hotel.  Or maybe do a family get away to the beach or mountains on neutral ground.

Yeah, and they drank like fish. It does make you feel uncomfortable. There are people who drink and don't push it on you and then there are those that drink and they make you feel like an outcast if you're not boozing it up.

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Yeah, and they drank like fish. It does make you feel uncomfortable. There are people who drink and don't push it on you and then there are those that drink and they make you feel like an outcast if you're not boozing it up.

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 Considering your husband's history I don't know why he would want to continue a friendship with them if they drink like fish & keep pushing it on him.

I get the impression from this letter that the step mom wants to sever ties with her stepdaughter. Which is fine, but her husband doesn't want to. She's his daughter. So, go, stay in a hotel, alone if she wants, or stay home. Tell them they are welcome to visit if they stay in a hotel, or lock the pantry and beer supply. Or better yet, feed them or take them out so they don't have to rummage through the pantry for food.