Dear Prudence,
My brother and sister-in-law are expecting their second child next month, and they asked if I would babysit their 3-year-old son while they are at the hospital. I gladly agreed and recently visited their home for a long weekend to get to know their child care routine better. They are in the process of potty-training their son “Joe,” and part of their training is letting the child watch the parents use the bathroom. During my visit, I went into the bathroom, and Joe came in mid-use. When I told him he needed to wait until I was done, he said, “But I want to watch you.” I didn’t want to freak him out, so I calmly repeated my request that he wait outside, but he did not leave. I finished using the bathroom, washed my hands, and we both went back to the living room. Joe told his mother, “I saw auntie peeing!” This greatly upset my sister-in-law. She told me that it was very inappropriate to “take him into the bathroom” with me, despite my explaining that he had followed me. She has also made several comments to other family members about my “pervy” act—her words. She keeps bringing up how upset she is by my “inappropriate actions” toward her son. I don’t know how else to get through to her that I did not intentionally urinate in front of her child. I am at the point where I no longer want to drive seven hours to babysit when she goes into labor. But I also know that she and my brother don’t have any friends in town, and I don’t want to deprive him of the opportunity to see their second child born. What should I do? 

Dear Auntie,
This pair has no friends—I can’t imagine why! It’s inevitable that people put up with a lot from family (or certain family members), and that people also put themselves out for family. (It’s supposed to pay off in the long run because you get a lot in return.) But there are occasions when you have to tell a family member, even one in need, to go blow. One of those occasions is when a relative starts ranting false allegations that you have committed sexual impropriety against a minor. We live in a hair-trigger world regarding such things, and what your sister-in-law is now spreading far and wide is deeply concerning. Let’s acknowledge she’s probably stressed out from the pregnancy—and her aloneness in the world—but her behavior is a big rotating klaxon you must heed. You need to give her and your brother notice now that you can’t come. I hope you have a reasonable relationship with your brother and that you can talk to him. Reiterate that nothing untoward whatsoever happened with your nephew, but his wife’s claims to other family members that you did something “pervy” mean it’s not a good idea for you to babysit right now—that she obviously doesn’t trust you and you can’t risk further unfounded accusations. Say you adore your nephew, you want to be part of his life and that of the new baby, but that they must call on another family member to watch “Joe.” Let’s hope Joe quickly gets toilet trained and his mother comes to her senses.

—Prudie